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Just went through your thread and yes there are some similarities.
Although in my sitch there was never any A. I think that mentally there kinda was. She was not even contacting him, it was just kinda in her own mind. She saw an old flame at a funeral and convinced herself that she had always been in love with him.
The night after she saw him she came home and made passionate love to me. But that was one of the last times. We had sex a couple of times after that but then she told me ILYBINILWY
In T she told me that she had always been in love with OM and should have never married me. Said she married me for all the wrong reasons.
Many months later she told me she had been wrong about being in love with OM. It was left at that. As far as I know she has never contacted him at all. It was all in her head. We had gone through hell and life was pretty hard. And I just wasn't any good at R's.
So I guess it's kinda strange but it does sound similiar.
I hope the best for you and will continue to check in.
Thanks for stopping by. Like I said, there are similarities overall, but it's this idea of reconciliation without intimacy that struck me as most comparable.
I am happy for you. Things look like they are going in the right direction for you. I wish had some profound advice for you but as you know I do not excel in the area of db'ing. Maybe I should write a book on how not to DB. Anyways this is about you not me. I wish you continued success and do whatever you feel is right in your heart. Although I don't know you personally from what I have read of your story and what advice and support you have given me, you obviously are a loving, caring and intelligent human being. Trust yourself and the decisions that you make as I am sure they are the right ones.
Thank you for those words. I don't know if I am all that, but I appreciate that you think so. I too wish you well. I know you have your ups and downs like the rest of us and in the end, you can only do so much. After that, it's up to your W to notice. Keep the faith, keep your obviously good character and as always, stay safe.
Hey Grasshopper jumped over to have a look and there are definately similiarites in your sitch and Xue's moving forward slowly but without the intimacy you guys want
am thinking males - sex = emotionally attached attached = intimacy females - need to feel emotionally attached = intimacy = sex
for you guys sex starts it off for females sex is the end result
I think overall you are doing really well - building up emotional stability which will eventually lead to what 'you want'
the undies debate that went on awhile back well I just replaced all my underwear over the past few weeks and some of it is really cool stuff and there is no male in my life at the moment I did it totally for me
Another DBer on here Frank is seeing a T with his w and the T has said to create sexual tension - play around abit but create tension dunno if this will work for you or not it kind of links into the beginnings of a relationship when there is just the getting to know you thing happening and no sex - I guess it is how the whole sex thing began
I think what gets in the way is the fact that you have been intimate many times in the course of your m and now need to start over at the beginning but with someone you know really well already
I think you are doing well on the 'trust' issues and love the way you talk about 'evidence' this is an excellent way to go and a brilliant thought stopping technique used by psychologists
Last night was rough. Not for any R reasons but other things. First, W's lawyer handling her DUI case called and left a message that her licence that was suspended with restrictions had now been revoked after a hearing he went to. W is freaking. She still has to talk to him and see exactly what happened and what her options, if any, are but she's shaken. She has also lost faith in this lawyer and thinks she made a terrible mistake hiring him, not just because of this setback but because she says he just doesn't seem confident (even though according to him, and BIL, who is a very good lawyer, her case SHOULD be VERY easy to win, if not get dismissed altogether) to her and constantly tells her negative things, emphasising the worst case scenario all the time, which so far has come true. She knows he's there to provide legal advice/advocacy and not cheer lead but she just feels he has a negative attitude in general. SO, the started to panic about that and then the AC went out in our house. That's not a good thing in Florida this time of year. So the night was spent talking about her legal situation, who to call about it, when to call them, etc and then trying to make arrangements for the AC to be serviced. That was about it. Absolutely nothing on any other front.
Quote: for you guys sex starts it off for females sex is the end result
Yea, I guess that's about right at least in my sitch since the only real intimacy we ever had was sex.
Quote: the undies debate that went on awhile back well I just replaced all my underwear over the past few weeks and some of it is really cool stuff and there is no male in my life at the moment I did it totally for me
Yea, that's what W says, that she bought them for her but then again, like I said, who buys hot pink REALLY uncomfortable looking ultra skinny undies with a heart embroidered on the front? Nevermind...past that now...lol.
Quote: Another DBer on here Frank is seeing a T with his w and the T has said to create sexual tension - play around abit but create tension dunno if this will work for you or not it kind of links into the beginnings of a relationship when there is just the getting to know you thing happening and no sex - I guess it is how the whole sex thing began
Yea, I have been following Frank for a LONG time and he's doing really well. He's actually been my DB hero since I got here. He does a really good job of conveying his sitch. I am watching what happens with him and learning from it for sure.
Quote: I think what gets in the way is the fact that you have been intimate many times in the course of your m and now need to start over at the beginning but with someone you know really well already
Yes, this seems obvious but hard to actually pull off. I am working on it though.
Quote: I think you are doing well on the 'trust' issues and love the way you talk about 'evidence' this is an excellent way to go and a brilliant thought stopping technique used by psychologists
Thanks. Could you elaborate on which part of my daily dribble you are referring to?
Again, thanks for stopping by. I enjoy reading your posts whenever I come across them.
sure you say in one post a way back something about OM and then actually say but there is no evidence of that
then you say
Quote: I 99% believed her that it was ONLY the two GFs that she said she was meeting for dinner.
and then you look for any evidence that would back up this thought
Quote: Nothing she said or did smacked of the OM being there.
you seem to be doing it automatically get a negative thought in your head of something and automatically look for evidence in her speech or behaviour that confirms or rejects this thought
the thought is illogical (though natural) and you immediately challenge it by looking for evidence but you look for evidence that confirms or rejects it
psychologist train people (adults and children) to look for evidence when negative or illogical thoughts jump into their head as a way of controlling them
you seem to be doing it as a natural part of your functioning
you are referring to?