Snodderly, I misspoke about the A only lasting six months. I'm not expecting it to end just because it reaches the six month point, it is more the point I see as H deciding if it is serious or not. He himself gives it a shelf life of 6-12 months, not that he couldn't extend that, but it is a number he has in his head.
OW has broken things off with him once already because there were no legal steps taken, I'm sure she is getting antsy. H and I talked on Saturday night about the A, and I asked him if she was looking for some kind of commitment, and he said kind of, but that she was not the kind of person he would marry. So I guess I see one of them pushing the issue at the six month point, not necessarily ending things, but deciding where they are going with it.
I know that time means nothing to him right now. I myself could not see the passing of time when I was going through my own MLC. I just woke up one day, and five years had passed. So I don't expect anything different with him.
About 2 years ago H had signed up for an online dating service. We went to MC and he said he wanted to work on our M. I can't say when it started after that but thinking back he started pulling away from me - playing video games for extended periods, etc. I came home on Jan. 25th to find a note and he had moved out all his stuff, for 4 days no one heard anything from him. When he did start talking, I was a mess and did everything wrong (couldn't stop crying, begging, etc.). I heard at that time he didn't do anything but go to work and to the apartment. His first few emails were only "sorry, sorry" (till I told him to act like a man and stop apologizing <sigh>). His parents asked him what his plans were and he said just living day to day. He is going to a C. He told me once that he was going to a poker game with some friends since he was tired of staying in the apartment. I know I did a lot wrong and might have drove him deeper into the tunnel. He did email me back if I emailed him but he says he can't handle me if I become emotional. I found this group after that and realized what I think is going on. Now, I just want to repair the damage. I haven't emailed him in two weeks and he has stopped even emailing his D (who wasn't answering but has kept everyone - mainly notes saying "I love you and am thinking of you", "I am proud of you". He will not even pick up the phone or answer emails from his parents. When someone said about his parents and him, I totally agree. I tell them what I find out on this board about MLC. Unfortunately, I do have a tendency to go overboard on explainations when I am emotional so I probably said wayyyy too much when I first talked to them about his walking away. I am scared that H will never email me but I know that is probably irrational. I just hope that I can handle things when he does show back up. (for the record no one I know wants me to go back to him because he was always distant - I found out later that he was a real momma's boy, could do no wrong, and that at 28 years old, he had only been on his own for 6 months. I guess I was a mommy replacement) I believe it may be quite awhile before he comes out. My D did not want him at her Confirmation. H came but hid in the back and one of the teacher's blabbed. D was furious. I tried to tell her that her dad loved her and wanted to see her and if the teacher hadn't said anything she wouldn't have known. I wonder if H saw D, me, his parents (they flew in) and some friends all together without him. Now our D is graduating from Jr. High and I know she will not want him there unless he starts working on it but he isn't. I wish I knew what he was thinking! Is he depressed about the upcoming events he is missing? or out trying to medicate himself? I am trying to distance and not care but want so bad to do something!!!
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Quote: I wish I knew what he was thinking! Is he depressed about the upcoming events he is missing?
Of course, on some level, he does. My H (still in MLC) tells me all the time, when he is on the verge of doing something stupid, that he knows he is going to look back on it and say 'what the h*ll was I thinking'. Maybe your H is thinking the same thing?
I understand your need for action... but sometimes I think the best thing you can do, especially for yourself, is nothing . You need to give yourself some time to get yourself together. Detach and stay busy. And just remember; take each day on it's own. Don't try to look into the future right now. It is very, very hard, I know.
Quote: he said just living day to day... He will not even pick up the phone or answer emails from his parents...
All typical... and he won't want to talk to anyone that doesn't tell him what he wants to hear (ie: that he's right or that he's doing the right thing)
Quote: I just hope that I can handle things when he does show back up.
You can! Don't let his emotions or games control you! If your D wants to call him; that's fine. But you don't contact him in any way shape or form. When he calls or emails, (and he will) be friendly but make it short and to the point. and don't always be available to talk and don't answer his emails right away. When you see your H win the Academy Award for best actress! Smile! Be friendly and nice and behave as if you're ready to move on and get on with your life without him! It will drive him crazy, believe me! I'm not saying that doing all this is easy... it's extremely hard... and try not to backslide... but when it does, just pick yourself right back up and get back at it.
Remember... no matter what happens... you are going to survive and be fine!
Thanks, I can tell it's getting into "hormone land". Usually, I pretend to not care a little better. I will not care, I will not care, I will not care....... <great now I am crying at work!>
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Hope, This is a great thread but I haven't heard much about you since it started. That might be intentional I don't know but at least let us know you are ok. I haven't crumbled yet and made first contact, how about you?
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I'm so sorry BP... I wish I were there to give you a hug. I used to cry myself sick before I learned the hard way. That's not to say I don't cry anymore... I do, but it's a lot less frequent... and never in front of my H!
Find your strength... what makes you strong, determined. Able to handle anything! I found mine in God. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed or obsessed (where is he? what is he doing? etc.) I just start repeating... God is my Strength... over and over... as many times as it takes! It really works for me. Calms me down and makes me stronger! And I just KNOW that everything is going to be fine... either way! What is your strength?
LOL and I know what you mean about 'hormone land'... I can always tell when that's clouding things!
Remember: Circumstances are temporary but Character will last forever!
Just so you know, my thread is Sink or Swim. I started this one as a general place to talk about the withdrawal stage of MLC and depression. But thanks for looking in; I'm ok. Sort of waiting for the axe to fall. I'll explain on my own thread.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
H emailed my D!!!! What is funny is she is the one that is dark so I guess safe. He did say that he had been feeling sorry for himself. I feel better knowing that he is alive and validated the depression.
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
I'm so sorry BP... I wish I were there to give you a hug. I used to cry myself sick before I learned the hard way. That's not to say I don't cry anymore... I do, but it's a lot less frequent... and never in front of my H! 
What is your strength? 
'hormone land'... I can always tell when that's clouding things!