Avalon, Thanks for sharing that. Your post is exactly what I was talking about when I started this thread. The majority of us have H's and W's in replay. It seems there are very few, if any, people seeing their spouse go through withdrawal, and by that I mean the stage of their crisis after replay ends. I don't know what will happen; it seems like we should eventually have an influx of spouses leaving replay but it sure hasn't happened yet.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
It sounds like he is very very close and may be bouncing in and out of the tunnel trying to reach his goal. I hope you see and hear more of that positive contact soon. We need a current success to celebrate for Easter.
One thing we may all consider regarding the OW; many girls end up trying to find and maybe marry a father figure if they left their youth behind without the satisfying father-daughter relationship they desired. Look at how many second M men end up with the girl the age of their kid. Of course the girl makes them feel young, but not all men finish D with any money. So why would the 20 something girl marry him if it is not money? Oh Daddy, oh Baby, oh Yeah!
lael, The euphoria stage of the affair can last up to six months and some affairs can last any where from 18 months to 2 years or more, depending upon the situation and where your spouse is in the crisis.
I hope I didn't discourage you too much about affairs, but I didn't want you to get your hopes up too much thinking that after 6 months it would be over.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree with snodderly, from my own personal experience. My H. has known and been seeing o.w. for over a year now. Most of the posts I read are about affairs that are going on past 6 mo. Of course every situation is different so there's no real way of knowing for sure.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
How much harm is done if a MLCer is in total withdrawal (and probably depression) it my in-laws keep emailing him? It's been two weeks since I've had any contact with him. I spoke with my in-laws, who are totally on my side (except for one snide remark - M is a two way street, what did you do? - Boy, did I come apart at MIL on that ). FIL emails H. I told my FIL that if he did to tell H that I wished him well and am concerned. Was that wrong or should I suggest they don't email him either? I think H is going to be in this awhile since my D is graduating and he knows she will not want him near the graduation.
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
bookpusher, This is an issue between him and his parents. Stay out of it. When he's had enough, he will either tell them in person or not answer them. Blood is thicker than water and no matter what you tell them, they are going to do what they think is best--check on their baby boy.
I know you are trying to shelter him a bit so that he can get through his crisis, but this is not a call you can make. Unfortunately, there comes a time when you have to drop the rope completely and allow God to intervene and he will if your inlaws get too pushy.
Sit quietly and allow him to do his work. Your inlaws will have to learn the hard way about mlc. You've done all you can to explain things to them, now step back and let them screw up their relationship w/their son all on their own. They'll get it eventually. They all do when we step back and try not to make excuses for their behavior.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bookpusher, My advice to you is to NOT discuss your husband with your inlaws. Right now they may be "on your side" but eventually they will take their son's side and things can get ugly.
I know they love you but at the end of the day he will ALWAYS be their son and he will come first.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Snodderly I know you have had lots of requests to visit other threads but I'm really struggling with whether my H is MLC or just simply WAH. When you get a minute I would be grateful for your opinion. Current thread is in newcomers entitled 'No contact club - join here' Thank you
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
). FIL emails H. I told my FIL that if he did to tell H that I wished him well and am concerned. Was that wrong or should I suggest they don't email him either? I think H is going to be in this awhile since my D is graduating and he knows she will not want him near the graduation.