Snodderly, If you could just take a look at my last post and see what you think about H visit just an hour or so ago. He left home 7 months ago but he has been in MLC for about 3 yrs. Did I handle it well, or can you tell me something else that I should be doing. I am not sure where he is but I think still in replay. Any advice would be appreciated. Sue
Snodderly Thanks again for sharing your valuable info.
My h told me the last time he was here that all he does is work and sleep. He doesn't do any of the things that he used to do and life sucks for him right now. He also said that life was bumpy road with ow because she is bipolar. He said that he needed to figure things out and he knows what he has to do but unsure how to do it. Any insight? Is this good?
kialeah, this is all very good. He's feeling depressed and the euphoria from replay is wearing off. He's coming off that "high". He sees o.w. has issues and is no longer impressed. Good! I'd say it sounds like he's still thinking long and hard about his life and what to do. He's got to find the answers on his own so let him do that. (I need to take my own advice here).
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hope That's my feelings too. I haven't and won't contact him. It's on him now. I figured he has scrambled back into the darkness of the tunnel and hopefully will peek out soon.
I'm glad you are working on detaching. I read your other thread. Keep it up. It's really hard at the beginning but as each day goes by it gets easier and easier. I have been detaching for several months now and really feel so much better. Take care of yourself K
This is actually a little amusing. A few weeks ago, I was talking to my husband when he sounded so sad that I was happy, much happier than him he was sure.
I said "I'm just a very happy person!" which is true. He cried.
I'm not sure it gets more depressed than that.
What's funny is that he seems more depressed when he's my husband, and not his evil twin PeaBrain. I would think he should sound less depressed, as Snodderly says. Or maybe he's just faking it.
Now I'm rambling, which is also a new PB trait. Gotta love these MLCers. They keep life interesting!
This is the greatest thread, even though I am nowhere near to this stage. It is so insightful to get posters to give the real true life experiences that they have had and are having yet as examples for us to learn from. If I hadn't found the forums on MLC and seen the exact piture of my life, I might have gone on believing that I did something so wrong for H to go from a kind, loving, caring person to a person I hardly know in the matter of a 2-3 months. To be here and talk about withdrawl is encouraging. It is hard for me to believe in my heart that he will ever get to that point. I always think about him being out there in the world and so darn happy until he came over yesterday and really talked to me about things. He truly is not at all as happy as you might think. I can tell it from his eyes (and yes he did look at me at least a couple of times). Everyone keep posting here with questions, answers, and experiences. It is one of the 1st threads that I check each day to see what new info I might gain to help me in my still long journey.
What's funny is that he seems more depressed when he's my husband, and not his evil twin PeaBrain. I would think he should sound less depressed, as Snodderly says. Or maybe he's just faking it.
Friendly, I see this exact same pattern. But I don't think H is faking it. I think he has actually been somewhat depressed for years and years, maybe much of his adult life. So as not to hijack, I'm going ruminate on this some more on my own thread.
MissingMyH, Thanks for your crib notes. I liked the ones on withdrawal especially, they clarified a few things for me.Also thanks for the reminder not to obsess on his stage too much and instead keep the focus on me. If I had to guess, my H is in replay/depression but I really don't spend much time thinking about that.
I'm glad this thread is getting some attention. It just seemed to me that we didn't have very much info. about withdrawal and what happens once they really leave replay. I know my H. is not there yet, although as Snodderly said, he has shown periods of withdrawal once the depression began setting in. So he's in a replay/depression/withdrawal pattern, and cycling right now.
There seems to be a lot of us who have H's in replay. Since I don't believe this can go on forever either one of two things will happen: Sometime soon, there should be several of us who begin to see our H's leave replay and start acting even stranger (withdrawal). Or, either we or our H's will file while they are still hopping around in replay. I'm a little worried I might fall into the latter; not sure yet.
What I'm really looking for is someone who has a H or W that has been in withdrawal and is now possibly going into acceptance. I want to hear what this is like, what they've experienced.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I haven't heard from my husband for almost 2 weeks now. He walked out and left me and my D a note on Jan. 25. Looking back I can see some of the signs of the MLCer. He was emailing when I initiated it. It is scary because I know he is deeply depressed. He has cut himself off from all family even our D but he was in counselingw when I last heard from him. I only hope that his C recognizes what is going on and is helping. You don't know how much everyone has helped me on here. I am moving forward with my life but is it too much to hope that he will come around and back, even though I know life will be different (and hopefully better)?
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Quote: Sometime soon, there should be several of us who begin to see our H's leave replay and start acting even stranger (withdrawal).
I wish I knew or could hope this is where my husband is. I know he's so depressed that it has to be an effort for him to get out of bed.
Mine seems to be cycling in replay/depression/withdrawal which isn't unusual. He will only contact me when he wants me to do something for him. Aint that sweet!
I've already had the "it's nothing to do with you" speech, and the "my life is so screwed up" speech, and the "I've done everything wrong" speech from him. And he always cries on the phone, except when he's major PB. then he sounds chipper. That's what I'm hoping he's faking.
