Quote: The problem for me in this whole process isn't knowing what to do, it's having the patience and the self dicipline to do the right things.
You got it. This is what separates the men/woman from the boys/girls. DB/DR are only as powerful as your will to implement them into your life, and only as successful as your desire to make them so. So, in the immortal words of that Scottish guy on Star Trek, "make it so"...or was that the bald guy on the newer series...anyway...Just Do It.
I'm doing okay in my DBing for now. I passed what is a major milestone for me...I've actually made it past one week with no set backs. I feel good that about what I'm doing now but emotionally it feels like today is going to be a down day. Hopefully I'll be able to do something to turn that around.
I think I just need to vent a little bit. The amount of time I see my W has reduced dramatically. Now it's maybe 5 minutes just to exchange the kids. The past few days I've tried to pack as much "sunshine" into that 5 minutes as possible. Small compliments, a little chit chat, maybe a little flirting.
I've done a good job of putting on the front to her, that I'm handling the situation much better, but on the inside I feel like I'm going to explode (at least right now). This is the first time I've been this worked up in maybe a week. I want to call her, or text her or something...but I'm not going to. She has to travel a bit from job to job today, hopefully she'll make the effort to call me...but I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for her.
Going to work has been a mixed blessing. On one hand it takes up a lot of my time and keeps me from contacting her. On the other hand, I spend 10 hours a day alone with my thoughts and she clearly dominates those right now.
I've been on this roller coaster ride long enough now to know that this feeling will pass in time, I just have to wait it out.
How about this, even if she DOES call or text you, don't answer. Just this once. I say this for two reasons, first because it will add a bit of mystery, shake things up a bit, and second because you are really emotional right now and likely to get into an R talk that would be counterproductive.
Quote: How about this, even if she DOES call or text you, don't answer. Just this once. I say this for two reasons, first because it will add a bit of mystery, shake things up a bit, and second because you are really emotional right now and likely to get into an R talk that would be counterproductive.
GH
I think that is great advice. If she calls I'll let it go this time and just wait till tomorrow to talk to her again. To be honest I just want her to make the effort, I don't really need to talk to her...we don't have alot to say at this point. I just want her to make an effort that's all.
She's said herself that she can't miss me if I don't go away so I know talking to her would be counter productive to all the time I've stayed away the last few days.
Well the wife just sent me an email, apparantly she having trouble using her messenger at work and thinks I've been getting into it (I haven't). So now I think she probably will call to "settle" this. should I still not answer? I have a feeling it will turn into a fight...and I really don't want that.
Realize that YOU have control over what YOU do. If you think you will fight and don't want to, then don't answer her calls/email. It's up to you, it really is. Sure, she may get upset. If she does, you can calmly explain that you didn't answer because you didn't have time to give her the attention she deserved. If she brings up the "issue" you don't want to fight about, simply say your peace calmly and then stop the conversation. Do not defend yourself, and do not clarify what you said. Let her rant and rave and if she does, listen as long as you want and then end the conversation.
You (and me for that matter) need to stop worrying about her getting upset because you do x, y or z.
I did send her an email. I simply told her that it wasn't me, suggested that maybe she had used it some where else and forgot to log off and left it at that. IF she does call I'm not going to answer, she'll most likely leave a voice mail and I'll play it by ear based on the tone of her message. I think my best bet is to just let it go and if it's an issue for her she'll bring it up again at some point.
She never did call. I guess it wasn't that big of a deal to her after all. To be honest I'm glad she didn't call. When she finally does I want it to be because she wants to talk (even if it's just bs) and not because she wants to argue.
I think I've finally come to a place where I can be patient and wait this thing out. I know that it may take awhile but I also know that it'll take even more time if I don't show some patience.
I just had another small step forward I think. W dropped off D so she could go to work and actually sat and talked to me for about 15 minutes. There was no talk about the R, just her venting a little bit about things going on for her. She said she is a bit bummed because she can't seem to ever have enough money to get through to the next payday. Her car is almost out of gas so I gave her money to put in it. I wonder if maybe she is starting to think life won't be all roses with me gone. Then again she could just still be bummed about work or something else...so I'll keep it under my hat and continue the way I have been cause I think it's working.
