I have just joined the site and it seems I have already started off on the wrong foot. Please don't be offended by some of the things I say. Just remember they come from a sheltered momma's boy, who is very much still green in the world.
So perhaps knowing this you may not have a hard time understanding my wifes motivation for leaving me. It's an embarassing story that I wouldn't tell if only I know that many of you will remain supportive. Our marriage was never really great to start. We stopped having sex (my wishes) at around 6 months. The very thought of it disgusted me ( and before some of you ask me if I'm really gay, don't!, I find that even more disgusting). So anyway, around 3 years ago while attempting to engage of some form of sexual activity with my wife, she began to cry, and then left the house. Now..I know I'm no Romeo but I found this especially discerning. This would be the last time I saw my wife until she came with her father to pick up the rest of belongings. It hurts me that she left me, it hurts me even more that she left me during sex. It's been three years and I have finally started to realize that it was just as much my fault as it was hers. I am slowely putting the pieces of my life back together.
Thanks for posting your sitch. It's hard to know who's being serious and who's here to make trouble, KWIM? So, for what it's worth, sorry we got off to a bad start.
I am sorry to hear that your W left you in such a vulnerable sitch. Would you mind telling us a little more of the history b/t you and W? Why did you want to stop having sex? How did the two of you get to the point where you didn't even discuss things afterward? You just let her walk away?
Regards,
Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
Hey...I'm sorry too. I know what you mean though, there seems to be an abnormal number of weird posts up today. I have been on this site for months but I just signed up.
I was having a pretty crappy day at work and then I come on this site and I'm pretty sure I'm an asexual. It's true. I just read all the things on that site and it fits me like a glove. It's nice to know there are others but I can't help but feel like a freak! How can I explain this to my friends or worse yet, my parents. Just when I was starting to feel better about myself too. WHAM! Another of gods sweet gifts. It must be nice to know who you want to crawl into bed with at the end of the day.
Don't feel like a freak. Isn't it good to know that there might be an explination for your feelings? I would say at first, there is no reason to explain this to anyone else, friends or family. Perhaps seeing a therapist will help you work thru wether or not you are asexual or if it's just years of conditioning?
Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
I was raised in a small town...people who go to therapists are considered crazy. Besides I can't afford something like that with my child support and all.
I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate it and all. Especially after I called you a hussy, but this is pretty much the 2nd worst day of my life (after divorce). Actually third if you include the aformentioned sex incident.
Before you label yourself as asexual, have you examined all the other parts of your life? Have you been tested to make sure the testosterone levels are correct? Also, you call yourself a momma's boy, why do you think this? Are their issues from your past that are causing problems. Before you label yourself as asexual, you need to make sure that everything is ok physically and mentally. Then if you decide that you are asexual, then you need to limit your search in women to no desire or asexual women. Sexual desire does not cause problems, it is the DIFFERENCE in sexual desire between spouses that causes problems.
Cemar offered a good suggestion. Before you determine you are asexual think about whether you might just have some hang ups about sex, be a little sexually inexperienced, have some traumatic stuff related to sex etc... I would make sure to see someone specifically trained in sex therapy after seeing your doctor. What if there are some hurdles you needed to jump through with therapy but the end would be the prize of having a happy R with someone. You sound so hurt about your M ending it just seems as if you would like someone in your life. That someone will be likely to expect/desire sex so you need to sort yourself out in this area. Make sense?
Thanks for the reply guys...but I'm sure of it. All of the pieces fit, and the more I think about it...I am sooooooo happy!!! I feel like a piano has been lifted off my back. I have already made several friends at the asexual website, and they have made me feel right at home. Very nice people. I can just feel all of the negativity dripping out of body. This has gone from the worst day of my life to the best day.
