Is this really possible? Can a person be happy in a passionless marriage?
I guess it depends on how you define passionless marriage. Do you really mean sexless? These are two very different things. Why is a marriage passionaless when one person has no passion and the other does? If her lack of passion (or let's called it anything...grapejuice)...why should your W's lack of grapejuice make you give up your grapejiuce? If you have grapejuice, then your marriage isn't devoid of grapejuice...it's just that in your system, you are responsible for the grapejuice. If your W doesn't want grapejuice, don't throw yours away...enjoy your own grapejuice or share it with someone else.
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How can there be passion when there is no desire?
If passion = sex, then her willingness is a desire to make you happy. With proper training she can even fool you into thinking she has sexual desire. If it's imperceptible, then what difference does it make? Better yet, what if you train yourself into seeing that other things she does for you is her form of desire. Desire can exist without sexual feelings. Does that suck? Then welcome to your marriage. Make it work or leave.
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And isn't the lack of desire effectively a huge insult to the one that is not desired?
If you are claiming that your W doesn't desire you AND a lack of desire is an insult, then dude...why would you stay married to someone who insults you daily. Why give someone that type of power...that's just sick.
I only get a little bit of desire from some employees, co-workers, my daughter and my wife...none of the other hundred or so people I encounter each day don't desire me at all. I don't feel insulted...should I?
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Think of it this way, would it make a very LD women happy to have her husband completely stop desiring her?
Depends on the type of desire doesn't it? In terms of sexual desire they wouldn't even notice. "Desire" to your W might simply come from your presence in the house. Also, she might be measuring her desire by her own low standards. I really think you need to get a girlfriend on the side. I'm serious. Despite what moral high-grounders say, an affair is still a valid option for your toolkit. Get honey-phone with a pre-paid card...my driver is managing 2 girlfriends besides his W. Over here, mistresses and concubines are all the rage. Maybe you should move to this part of the world. Hold up that blue passport and you will be devoid of insults by every girl in the room.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
You said: ______________________________________________________ Then welcome to your marriage. Make it work or leave. ______________________________________________________
That is where the rubber hits the road isn't it. Our S is not a home improvement project. They aren't going to change to suit us. However, they may be willing to change to suit themselves. We also may have to change to suit ourselves. If we aren't happy with the status quo - whose problem is it?
I wish I could just buy some new lingerie instead!
It occurs to me after reading your post that there is another way in which the desire issue is different for HDW as opposed to HDM. If instead of regarding the lack of desire as an insult, you regard the presence of desire as a compliment, most reasonably attractive HDW get compliments from men who are not their husbands quite frequently. This sexual market disequilibrium can be quite unsettling and is probably the reason why,according to survey statistics, marriages in which the W is the HD spouse are much more likely to fail than marriages in which the M is the HD spouse.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
It occurs to me after reading your post that there is another way in which the desire issue is different for HDW as opposed to HDM. If instead of regarding the lack of desire as an insult, you regard the presence of desire as a compliment, most reasonably attractive HDW get compliments from men who are not their husbands quite frequently. This sexual market disequilibrium can be quite unsettling and is probably the reason why,according to survey statistics, marriages in which the W is the HD spouse are much more likely to fail than marriages in which the M is the HD spouse.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
It occurs to me after reading your post that there is another way in which the desire issue is different for HDW as opposed to HDM. If instead of regarding the lack of desire as an insult, you regard the presence of desire as a compliment, most reasonably attractive HDW get compliments from men who are not their husbands quite frequently. This sexual market disequilibrium can be quite unsettling and is probably the reason why,according to survey statistics, marriages in which the W is the HD spouse are much more likely to fail than marriages in which the M is the HD spouse.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: If passion = sex, then her willingness is a desire to make you happy. With proper training she can even fool you into thinking she has sexual desire. If it's imperceptible, then what difference does it make?
….and is probably the reason why,according to survey statistics, marriages in which the W is the HD spouse are much more likely to fail than marriages in which the M is the HD spouse.
Man, what a tempting setup! But I’ll just let it lie….
Not that it took three times reading it to make your point, , but this is an interesting wrinkle in the whole equation, isn't it, Mojo? Yeah, I'm not unattractive, but I don't get double-takes, or whistles, or much of anything from random women. In my work environment, there is such a fear of sexual harassment charges, that people just don't even seem to look at each other very much. But I remember walking with a female friend of mine downtown a long time ago, and she got about a dozen such looks, comments, whistles. And yes, she took all of it as a compliment.
I just try to see my W's lack of desire as a lack of an ability to show desire, and think that it's just "unfortunate" rather than calculated, or insulting. Yeah, that's what I do on my "good" days, anyway.
(Ross Perot) 
, but this is an interesting wrinkle in the whole equation, isn't it, Mojo? Yeah, I'm not unattractive, but I don't get double-takes, or whistles, or much of anything from random women. In my work environment, there is such a fear of sexual harassment charges, that people just don't even seem to look at each other very much. But I remember walking with a female friend of mine downtown a long time ago, and she got about a dozen such looks, comments, whistles. And yes, she took all of it as a compliment.