Quote: >>> And, we've been going about once every 3 weeks lately. Either one of the kids asks or W 'really wants to go'. It's sort of 'comfort food'. <<<
AmyC: My guess is she is trying the new you on for size to see how you fit with the new HER & how you guys mesh as a family. The sentimentality of that restaurant alone suggests to me her "run" just might be coming to a close soon. I remember I'd have sooner chewed nails than to have gone anywhere that had ever meant something to my H and I.
Well, I don't know if I agree with the 'see how you fit' part. like I said it's sort of 'comfort food' when you are feeling bad and she was really down for some reason. She asked about going in the morning, so it was something she 'needed'.
I am sure the sentimentality is there still. We're recognized when we come in as a family and if anyone of us is missing it is noticed. And, we HAVE been going at least once a month since the bomb, even during the affair. So during the affair she was able to overlook the sentimental value of the place.
It's just odd that she asked early in the day. Like she really needed 'something' she gets from going there. I assume the food. And it is our FAMILY's favorite place to go AS A FAMILY.
I understand that you wouldn't have gone with your H anywhere. I think she originally went 'for the kids sake' during the affair, even though they were visibly uncomfortable the first couple times. Now everyone is fine.
Quote: >>> W seems exhausted and when she was telling me something she accidentally called me 'sweetie' <<<
AmyC: You would say it's an accident because she's been doing it for 20 years and so she just slipped. I would say she wouldn't slip if there was as much turmoil inside of her as there was just a few months ago...when she couldnt have slipped for all the anger and other junk she was dealing with. BUT NOW, a lot of that is being worked out and she is finding HERSELF again. And YOU are part of that. Calling you sweetie was not an accident, I don't think. No. She called you sweetie because you ARE a sweetie and she is coming to realize you are HER sweetie and that that might not be such a bad thing after all.
Well, I don't know about that. She slips up about once every couple weeks or so, usually when we are not blocking each other and are comfortable talking about something. Sometimes I do it too.
I do agree that when she was in her affair she never slipped up.
I'd like to believe you but I'm a skeptic. Then again, basic human nature would stop her from even spending time with me and being even slightly 'happy' if she wanted out out out. But remember, since the 'beginning' she has this vision of us being the best of friends and she DOES care about me. She just doesn't want to be 'married'. Needs to be 'on her own'.
This morning D10 did her usual "I'm sick, I don't want to go to school" routine. Every monday she does this and we 'debate' with her, tell her she isn't sick, tell her she has to go. Today I tried something different. I put on some dancing music and dragged her into the living room and jumped around with her like a maniac. Had to drag her a lot but she couldn't help but cheer up. Gave her some tummy rasberrys and tickles too. W came into the room and danced around too but kept her distance from me. She was having fun though and unfortunatly looked pretty sexy. A few moments of eye contact and smiles between us but nothing much.
She took D10 to school and hasn't come home. Probably out grocery shopping since we're out of everything.
So, I'm taking off to the office. Better to not be here so it doesn't look like I'm 'waiting' for something. I sure miss the 'intimacy' we had 3 weeks ago. Doing my best not to be needy.
Quote: You know you bring up a topic that I just don't understand. Why DO people follow my journey? What is special about it? There are lot's of people who have WAW with OM and various affairs MUCH more blatant and often than mine.
What is it about my sitch that makesit different?
Is it because it's a great Soap Opera type story?
Being a logical man, I'm puzzled. I count the blessings that I DO have the support but I'm not sure about the 'recognition' part. I don't see anything special about my 'story'.
What is it that draws anyone to follow my particular story?
I don't know about others, but for me I'm drawn to your story for several reasons:
1. Both our situations are very similar-- in how they started, anyway. I can learn from your story.
2. Your sitch has me on the edge of my seat, because everything points to the reconciliation that you deserve. We are waiting to see the results. I want to see your W wake up to what she has right in front of her-- you!
3. You handle your day-to-day crisis and R related events in a very level-headed manner. Your actions and comments to your W are never driven by ego or pride, but rather patience and understanding of the situation at hand. You seem to have an uncanny ability to know just what to say.
3. Your writing and posting style make for easy reading. (i.e. plenty of paragraphs, CAPS for emphasis, etc.) You are a good story teller. Also, there are many threads here from other people with heart-wrenching stories, but it is often very difficult to follow them because they are wall-to-wall words with no breaks at all. Don't get me wrong-- they are all worthy of my reading and I do read them. I just can't digest as many posts in those threads as I can in your threads.
NewJohn
Me: 44
W: 41
S15
Together 25 years- Married 22
My situation
I never give up when fighting for something I believe in. And I believe in my Wife.
You made me smile with this comment, Frank. I'll try to catch up on your thread later. I was yacking on the phone for a long time tonight so I didn't get all my reading time in.
Have a great Tuesday. Hold a good thought for me.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
Quote: Your sitch has me on the edge of my seat, because everything points to the reconciliation that you deserve. We are waiting to see the results. I want to see your W wake up to what she has right in front of her-- you!
So it IS a Soap Opera!
I don't know if I 'deserve' a reconciliation. I do know I have done the work, and walked the walk. I have become who I am supposed to be. Has she? Will She? I don't know.
Sometimes I do wonder if maybe she isn't going to be able to want to be with me. To be CAPABLE of being with me.
I have to say something that came to me tonite. After getting to know a few of the women on this board who are extrememly strong, capable people, my standards are diferent now. She is going to have to step up to the plate and meet those standards. Not just 'decide' we're going to 'reconcile'. My life is not going to be the same again so it better be with someone who is not going to make me go through something like this EVER again in my life.
John, you may find you feel similarly in the future. Do you know what your standards are?
Quote: 3. You handle your day-to-day crisis and R related events in a very level-headed manner. Your actions and comments to your W are never driven by ego or pride, but rather patience and understanding of the situation at hand. You seem to have an uncanny ability to know just what to say.
You forgot 'fear'. Sometimes I act out of fear. We all do.
The "ability to know what to say" is a gift. All my life I have always known 'what to say' when someone is up, down, happy, sad, hurt, afraid, confused. Part of that comes from a strong intuition. BUT I have ignored that intuition too many times because of other needs or needyness I had.
We all have that intuition in varying degrees. We just don't always choose to listen to it. That's when we have problems, when intuition says one thing and we do another.
Like today when I have had my doubts about her ever getting real. We're like 'housemates'. HER space, MY space, HER stuff, MY stuff. Until we have to deal with kid related things like dental work they had today. Then it's OUR money and OUR insurance. Hey, it's MY money and MY insurance. You didn't earn it. I did. In the future you still won't support the kids, I will. Stop being such a foolish woman and see that together, we are greater than we are separatly.
Quote: 3. Your writing and posting style make for easy reading. (i.e. plenty of paragraphs, CAPS for emphasis, etc.) You are a good story teller.
Thanks John. I am lucky I have good writing skills. Another blessing.
I sure can spin quite a yarn here. Now here's a scary thought: What if it IS ALL JUST A STORY? What if I've been making it all up??? Just so I could get aa reaction from people. Maybe I get off on that kind of power? Hmmmm, kinda makes you wonder now doesn't it?
Quote: I never give up when fighting for something I believe in. And I believe in my Wife.
You made me smile with this comment, Frank. I'll try to catch up on your thread later. I was yacking on the phone for a long time tonight so I didn't get all my reading time in.
Idle gossip I'm sure
Quote: Have a great Tuesday. Hold a good thought for me.
Spitfire
Thanks, I think I WILL have a great Tuesday. I'll hold several good thoughts for you! You're a fighter too.
Hey, I've learned some very valuable lessons about people while on this board. There are a few women whom I communicate with off the board about my sitch, and life in general. Via E-mail, MSN IM or Phone. Their kindness and love always touches me.
What I have found is that, contrary to my beliefs, there really ARE women out there that don't need to be 'taken care of', that don't "whine and complain", that don't measure their lives by whether or not they have the BMW in the driveway. Women that ARE confident with their identity.
Now what I don't understand is how is it these women ended up with men who, in my humble opinion, just aren't worthy of them? That aren't capable of loving them fully? It doesn't seem right, not in this universe or in any other one.
I know that I'D BE GRATEFUL to have any of these ladies in my life. In fact ALL the women on this board who are truly grounded, and growing and strong, should be properly loved and cherished, for the love they exhibit comes all the way from the depths of their souls. I can feel it.
If I could do that, love them all for who they are, I surely would. In fact, I can do it. And I think I will. You know who you are. All of you. My love goes out to you all, so put a smile on your face when you feel it hit you.
You deserve it. And I am glad to be able to give it. To me it has been a privilege.
I also get a lot of wisdom from your posts, Frank.
Would be amusing if it was all a story, 'eh! Maybe, someone should write a book based on all the stories on this bb.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Ah, the legend of Frank grows. Now you are a master storyteller, lol.
Really, despite any other reason I have stated in the past for following you, the main one is that I always felt like good would come of it and that's hard to say around here. All the other reasons just add to that.
I am happy for you to have become the man you are today.
Oh, and be careful with these ladies around here
I just hope your W can BE the woman she needs to be, and in turn, that you want.
Quote: Ah, the legend of Frank grows. Now you are a master storyteller, lol.
I think I better keep my day job!
Quote: Really, despite any other reason I have stated in the past for following you, the main one is that I always felt like good would come of it and that's hard to say around here. All the other reasons just add to that.
Thank you. Regardless of what happens with W, good has come of it. I have been able to get to know people like you and others who I have had the privilege of interacting with here.
Quote: I am happy for you to have become the man you are today.
The highest complement I could possibly be paid. Thank you.
Quote: Oh, and be careful with these ladies around here
Well, they are pretty um, 'deprived'. Might be able to become a Gigolo and make some $$$ on the side!
Quote: I just hope your W can BE the woman she needs to be, and in turn, that you want.
Me too, more than anything. I miss looking into her eyes and seeing into her soul. She's just not allowing me that depth of vision from me any more. And today she's still distant and a bit down because she has no money and business is just break even - pays the office rent and little else. I offered her some 'tension release' and she said 'I don't think so'. Her loss.
Lately I've been wondering if she ever will come around. For sure though I can see more and more that I could meet someone who doesn't need to be 'fixed' and be happy. But I'd rather not get there yet. Still hopeful but not beaten.
You just said the title of our fantasy book, Frank - Hopeful But Not Beaten. Although, going through all this cr*p sure does shed the pounds - I lost 32 lbs in a couple of months. Looking hot, but not so happy then. It has been 2 years, and I am a whole lot happier, more confident, and so secure within myself, it's just not funny! Well, maybe a little funny! Hehehehehe!!!!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
