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Try reading up on Buddhism. It's also something I learned a long time ago in therapy, before SO. Somehow I managed to forget it during R1 with SO. Probably because he was being such a control freak, and our R just turned into one big power struggle. Bad news.

The bottom line, Mathilda, is that the only thing YOU can control is YOU. You can't control anyone or anything else. I suppose having teenagers helped me understand this. Any control parents think they have over their teenagers is a totally facade. They can and will do what they want to do. The question is whether you've taught them well enough by the time they get to that point.

And, trust me, a lesson we've all learned....learning to just focus on YOU is more than a handful in itself.

I love the idea of focusing inward....it's something that came to me in various images and occasions on my recent vacation. It's amazing the powerful impact you have on your surroundings when you focus inward on centering yourself, your attitude, values, mission. It radiates.

You and I do not have to speak every word or thought that comes
across our mind. In fact, every day you do not say many things that
come across your mind about others, or about your employers. How
often do you speak everything that pops into your brain to your
children or spouse. Don't! Sift it and discard the junk before you
speak. Ask the Holy Spirit to cleanse you and your spouse from all
impurities of your body, soul and spirit. Take captive your
thoughts and your tongue! Remember, self-control is one of the
fruits of the Holy Spirit.

IACHild

Needing your help, please got Pleasehelp4-2006 Under peircing marraige back together. I backslid a little with my wife although I apologized instantly.

"No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute
every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the
servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,"
declares the LORD." Isaiah 54:17

Now let's go fight the enemy and know that our Lord Jesus Christ has
already won the War.

I love MCC! H and I exchanged many smiles and intimate glances while listening to many of her songs.
Great lyrics, very peaceful and goal oriented. Thanks.

Journaling

I've been a bit remiss jounaling lately. I've been between classes the past week and have been enjoying the free time! Yay! Makes me long for the day when I'll be done with my studies.

On Saturday, SO and I went to a going-away party for a friend of mine. She recently finished her graduate studies and is headed to Thailand for a year for an overseas work/study program. It's a good time in her life to be doing this; she's in her early 30's, not yet married, currently unattached, no children. The adventure will be great for her.

Sunday I got to spend the entire afternoon babysitting grandson #2! He was such a good baby, although not particularly interested in eating or sleeping, which is fine. He only napped about 45 minutes (b/c Nana couldn't leave him alone and kept covering him up when he kicked the blanket off! ). The kids had an award ceremony to go to for my DIL's work. Anyway, he only fussed once, and that's b/c I wiped his nose, which he HATES! I learned to just wipe it with my thumb/finger, which he didn't mind at all.

SO is off dad duty until Sunday evening, so we've been spending a good bit of quality time together.

Between SO, work and my studies and just normal life stuff, I'm finding it difficult to get to the gym more than once or twice a week. I so love going, though, so I just keep plugging away. It is such a wonderful stress-reducer. I love weight-lifting, and I know in about 3-4 weeks I will really start noticing the difference. It is so hard not to get flabby in your mid-40's! Unfortunately I have not been able to keep the typical 10-13 lbs. weight gain from quitting smoking at bay. At least it's not any worse than that, so it is manageable. I know lots of people who have quit, gained 40 or 50 lbs., only to start smoking again, putting themselves in a much worse place than they were before. I occasionally still have the urge to light up, but everytime I smell one, or stale cigarette smoke, it just smells nasty. So, I know I'm well-past the tough parts. Now I just have to work on my little friend, the Spare [tire]!

SO still speaks often about when we get married and after we are married, but no proposal yet. I'm not pushing it, and I'm not worried that he hasn't yet. I just let him lead the conversation. I also work really hard to keep the duct tape handy whenever he brings up the usual emotional manipulation by his XW and/or D16. He really is just biding his time now, and the best I can do is to be supportive of him.

This weekend we have a conference we will be attending together with a group of our friends. It's all the way across the state, about a 5 hour drive, so we're all pitching in and renting a van to travel together. It should be great fun!

Things have been a bit of a struggle at work. I really need to learn to apply DR techniques to other relationships. We are trying to implement some changes in our operations, and we are/I am meeting a lot of resistance from the rank and file.

That's it for now. I go back to having a little more time to myself Sunday night, so hopefully I should be able to hit the gym 3x's next week. I ususally spend 60-90 minutes, lifting weights, then doing 1.5 mi. on the tread mill. <sigh> Life is very good right now, and I am extremely grateful.

Hey there M,

Congrats on the no smoking! This is huge!! I remember you struggling off and on last year. Nicely done!

No worries about the weight. Make a 5-year plan and keep at it. If you tweak the workouts to a place where you enjoy them (such as noticing the stress reduction), that's when it'll be sustainable. Speaking of which, I forgot my workout clothes today. Gonna swing back home after work to pick them up).

I always learn from your posts. The idea of applying DBing to the workplace is REALLY necessary for me at the moment. Thanks for the reminder.

You're the hottest Grandma I know, M.

Gabe

Thanks, Gabe! I can easily say the same about your postings and your sitch. You never cease to amaze me.

I know that your work place is even more of an issue than mine, with your XW being a member of your department. Must make things very, very tricky, especially in light of her recent antics.

I do feel really good about not smoking. I can sit in a smokey bar now and not be bothered by it. Sometimes I even find the smoke bothersome, but what I really find bothersome is the stank in my hair and on my clothes! BLECH! I can't believe I've spent my entire adult life smelling like that. And I can't believe that I thought I was fooling anyone by trying really hard NOT to smell like that!

The main thing with the work outs is the time issue. Fortunately, SO is extremely understanding. He has his own things going on too, so he is very respectful of my time spent on and for myself. He's been very big into golf again this year, and has been rollerblading 12 miles at a pop, too. He got 36 holes in just last week! But he enjoys it and it keeps him out of trouble. And this is a big 180 for him. He used to get very jealous of anything I did that didn't include him.

M

Thanks for taking time to update, M....you sound busy enough without adding this to it. However, I do appreciate all your wise words!!!
Matilda

M,

I just wanted you to know that I visited. Congrats on quitting smoking, I'm in the process of really trying to do that myself. Any hints for success?

I've put about 40 pounds back on too. I didn't want to do that, but sitting around unemployed and depressed didn't help things. However, I still workout and lift, so maybe I can get it off again. I did get a little of the "tummy" back, but I have been lifting for a little over a year and a half now, so I wonder how much of the weight is muscle? I'll keep thinking that.

I'm glad to see things are going so well for you, you deserve the best because you're the best. I peeked at the MCC lyrics, thanks for the suggestion.

I'll check in soon.