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Wow, it is amazing how hormones affect us! I'm glad you're feeling better.

I understand now about the blog--I didn't realize that she was dropping those hints. You know that I also struggle with snooping, especially when there are signs that something is not right. I kept thinking about the post that you quoted from one of Slowly's old threads about how we should pity the ow--she is indeed pathetic and hypocritical. I guess if the signs only come from her end and not from SO, consider the source. It also sounds like you're in a place now where you can talk with SO about your concerns and look for some honesty and support, a la Slowly and the computer screen. Is that correct? Would that help?

You really have done an amazing job here, Martha. I admire what you've achieved and always check your thread for advice and insight. I'm often embarrassed to tell some of the things I've done that I know are not my best DBing moments. Sometimes I get whacked, but that still gives me something to think about.

This is one of my favorite poems. You are one of the people I think about now when I read it. Be well.

PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It's in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

BT, Bruce, Gabe and Amd,

Thanks, gang, for your support. I appreciate it very much.

Even though they are hard to hear sometimes, the objective critiques are why we're here in the first place, no?

I have not yet deleted the links to the blogs, but I'm getting close. I think sometimes we need to remind ourselves to acknowledge our own "baby steps" too.

Amd, thank you especially for the Maya Angelou. I am very familiar with the poem you posted. I am honored that even in my failings, I can still be a model or even a mentor to others.

While I would like to talk more with SO about OW2, it's not something I do readily. It is still a very touchy subject with him, a la Martian-would-just-like-to-move-on.

And Gabe, thanks for the Grace Kelly image! Man, if that's not a motivator for some of us older women, I don't know what is! She is definitely the embodiment of a strong yet graceful femininity.

And what is it about us Iowa girls? Gee, I don't know! I can't claim "farmer's daughter" -- I'm a city girl through and through! It's the combination of a good work ethic, high intelligence, fresh Midwestern living and our sparkling smiles! (Thongs don't hurt, either!)

Paprika, if you're reading this, I'd like to apologize.

I have a feeling some of us may have run you off. If so, I am so sorry.

Why don't you start your own thread? What is your story? How may we help?

M

Ummmm,

Too late to give an Amen?

I'll throw one in anyway.

Amen.

Which is Martian for, "Would you get a warm washcloth for my forehead and fix me some juice and soup?"

My only wish ius to have my son & wife in my arms.

I wanted to send this over to you because of the heart fekt advice you have provided for me. thank you so much. We will heal in god's time.

PRAYER TO CHANGE YOUR SPOUSE'S HEART -

May this prayer be your heart's cry for your spouse.
Remember the Word of God is powerful and will never return
void. Here is a new prayer that I wrote for us. Please
stand in agreement with me that as you pray, the Holy
Spirit will change your spouse's heart suddenly and quickly.

"So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not
return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire, and
achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11

- - - - -
I will exalt You, my God the King; I will praise Your name
for ever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of
praise; His greatness no one can fathom. The LORD is near
to me and I call on You, in truth. Hear my prayer, O Lord;
let my cry for help come to You. Do not hide Your face
from me when I am in distress. Turn Your ear to me; when I
call, answer me quickly. You will fulfill the desires of
those who fear You; You hear my cry and save me and my
spouse.

Lord, I have faith in God, and You said, "If anyone says to
this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does
not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will
happen, it will be done for him.

Lord, You know my mountain of circumstances in my
marriage. So I am believing You, that whatever I ask
for in prayer, that I believe that I have received it, and
it will be mine. And when I stand praying, if I hold
anything against anyone, I forgive them, so that my Father
in heaven may forgive me of my sins.

Lord, with man this is impossible, but not with God; all
things are possible with God.

Lord, I thank You that I am strong in the Lord, and in His
mighty power I put the full armor of God on myself and my
spouse so that I can take a stand against the devil's
schemes.

Lord, thank You that You will block my spouse's path with
thornbushes; You will wall them in so that they cannot find
their way. They will chase after their lovers but not
catch them; they will look for them but not find them.
Then they will say, 'I will go back to my spouse as at
first, for then I was better off than now.'

My prayer is that You will open their eyes and turn them
from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to You,
so that they may receive forgiveness of their sins and be
sanctified by faith in You.

Thank You Lord, that You will break the bars of their yoke
and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them.
You will search for Your lost and bring back the strays.
You will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak.

You are the Good Shepherd, You know Your sheep and Your
sheep know You. I praise You that You will give my spouse
a undivided heart and put a new spirit in them.

Thank You that You will remove from them their heart of
stone and give them a heart of flesh.

Thank You Lord, that my spouse will not conform any longer
to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the
renewing of their mind. I keep asking that the God of our
Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious

Father, may give both of us the Spirit of wisdom and
revelation, so that we both may know Him better. I pray
also that the eyes of our hearts will be enlightened in
order that we may know the hope to which He has called us.
You are our peace, who has made the two one and has
destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility.

I pray that You may strengthen us with power through His
Spirit in our inner being, so that Christ may dwell in our
hearts through faith.

Lord, I know You are able to do immeasurably more
than all I ask or imagine, according to Your power that is
at work within me.

Lord, remove our sinful natures, and fill us with the fruit
of the Spirit which is love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-
control.

Lord, I pray that You will turn the heats of the fathers to
their children and the hearts of the children to their
fathers.

Lord, I hate divorce as You hate divorce. Lord, my spouse
and I are one flesh, and are no longer two, but one.
Therefore what You have joined together, let man not
separate.

Thank You Lord, that it is Your will that we should be
sanctified; that we should avoid sexual immorality; that we
should learn to control our own body in a way that is holy
and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who
do not know God. For You did not call us to be impure, but
to live a holy life.

Lord, breathe on my dead marriage and it will come to
life. Then the nations around us that remain will know
that the Lord has rebuilt what was destroyed and has
replanted what was desolate. The Lord has spoken, and He
will do it.

Lord, thank You that You will come to me and fulfill my
gracious promise to bring us back to Your place. For You
know the plans You have for me. Plans to prosper me and
not to harm me, plant to give me hope and a future. Then I
will call upon You and come and pray to You, and I will
listen to You. I will seek You and find You when I seek
You with all my heart. You will find my spouse and will
bring my spouse back from captivity. For nothing is
impossible with God. I am blessed as I believe what the
Lord has said to me will be accomplished! Praise the
Lord. Amen."
____________________________________________________________

"Blessed are all who fear the LORD, who walk in his ways.
You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and
prosperity will be yours." Psalm 128:1-2

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but
foolsdespise wisdom, and discipline." Proverbs 1:7

You and I must fear our Lord God with His holiness, His
justice and His righteousness, as well as we know Him with
His love, grace and mercy. May we have a holy and
reverential awe to honor our God because of His great
glory, holiness, majesty and power. We must know God's
entire character.

Read in Revelation, Chapter 19, about the holiness of our
Lord God, worshiping and praising Him as He punishes the
wickedness in the world.

"Then a voice came from the throne, sayhing: "Praise our
God, all you his servants, you who fear him, both small and
great!" Revelation 19:5
____________________________________________________________

May you and I pray in agreement that all our loved ones,
prodigal spouses and children, will have holy fear of all
what they are doing.

May the Holy Spirit bring to their mind their
sinful nature, their wickedness and evil that they are
doing. "Lord, give them godly sorrow. Which leads to them
to repentance and salvation. Amen."

Hi Martha! Have you seen the new forum for former WASs? Maybe a place that you could get SO to post to eventually.

Is your email still the same or has it changed with your screen name?

M,

Everything okay? You've been conspicuously absent lately.

Kev,

Thanks for checking in on me, dude. Things are going swimmingly, still. I've just been very very busy with school, work, normal life routines, SO and still trying to find the time to take care of myself. You know, it's no wonder we found ourselves in the pickles we were in before with our WAS's. We get so busy with life and everything that goes along with it that I think both the LBS and the WAS expect each other to take care of each other. Why this may be true to some degree, ultimately we need to care for ourselves first. I've been trying to figure out how I could work a new gym routine into my schedule. I'm guilty of getting a little soft over the winter, between typical winter inactivity and the not smoking thing (8 months and counting now, btw! ).

Amd, yes, you may email me at w-l-l-o-w-w-k at hotmail dot com.

BT, thank you for the prayers that you've posted. I appreciat them. I feel the need to point something out, however.

Remember the passage about removing the log from one's own eye before noticing the splinter in your neighbor's eye? That's kind of the way I feel about praying for the changing of someone else's heart. While I DO think it is important to pray for the safety and well-being of others, I think it is MORE important for us to pray for our own changes of heart and mind, so we may better understand where we failed and what mistakes we can learn from.

My .02, FWIW.

Update:

After such a horrible class last term, I'm getting straight A's in my current class, with the exception of a group paper. It's funny because I'm getting feedback from my prof telling me how good, clear, consice and well-cited my projects and commentaries have been. Don't think I wasn't tempted to send some of his comments to my former prof, but I didn't.

SO came off dad duty last night, but we both have very hectic schedules. He's back in class, has some upcoming professional organization workshops he's presenting at, and we both have Toastmasters regular meetings and an upcoming spring conference. Add to that my own class work and family and my responsibilities at church, and a healthy sprinkling of social gatherings, and it's a wonder I have any time to sleep!

Life is good right now. And I am extremely grateful. I was in worship yesterday morning and found myself, as I often do, overcome with gratitude. And the sense of gratitude, interestingly enough, did not focus on my new R with SO, but rather it was all-encompassing of all of the many, many blessings I have in my life. Often I find myself unable to sing all of the words to a given hymn, or at a loss for words to pray at the time of communion because the feeling of gratitude is just SO BIG, it feels as though it is literally spilling out through my eyes and ears and I think I will burst at the seams!

Life is good, and I am truly blessed. In hindsight, I know I was blessed during my times of recent tribulation, and I know I will be blessed in tribulations of the future.

SO and I still talk peripherally about wedding plans, but I'm holding him to a full-blown proposal before I start making specific plans with him. Our talks, however, are really leaning toward eloping. Recently I pointed out to him that he really doesn't need to have an engagement ring, since the ring I have picked out for a wedding band already has a stone in it. (And yes, he knows which one I want.)

That's about all for now. I have another group project that is due tomorrow night, and I'm not getting a lot of cooperation from my other two team mates. They were supposed to have their drafts and citations to me yesterday so I could start working on the intro, conclusion and APA format, but nothing so far.

Wish me luck!

As always, you all are in my prayers.

M

Quote:

---

Life is good, and I am truly blessed. In hindsight, I know I was blessed during my times of recent tribulation, and I know I will be blessed in tribulations of the future.

---

I've learned through this ordeal that everything that happens to us is a blessing. It may not seem like it, but it's all there for a reason, usually because we have lessons to learn. I wouldn't be who I am today--stronger, more focused, more intentional in my life--if it weren't for this crappy situation.