I will certainly check out your thread as soon as I have a moment.
Yes BJ is absolutely brilliant. Having her as my constant cheerleader has made all the difference. I know that I truly did all the work myself but BJ did a lot of the inspiring which kept me going and gave me little nudges when I started to get off track.
Just swinging by to express my gladness that you're over here in this forum now....glad, in a way, to read of new pressures, if only for the progress this means....
Quote: which you already have in my mind this is all just fine tweaking stuff
After I got off the computer and went about my day (the last two) those words really stuck with me. Which really changed my attitude. I had been carrying around this low level anxiety all the time. Still constantly wondering if I was going to get hit with another bomb. This, of course, caused me to act differently than if I were completely sure of myself. It wasn't the kind of anxiety that was present previously but still something. I had to pretend it didn't exist to appear to be who I wanted to be.
That statement allowed that resident anxiety to drop another notch, and a big one. And I truly believe that geting rid of that anxiety is the answer to all this. Truly becoming ourselves and doing and saying what we want.
In Essence, being a little selfish
I am going to re-read Ayn Rand's "The virtue of Selfishness"
Selfishness= The idea that I am going to do my own thing no matter what. I'd sure like you to come along. As a matter of fact I'd love it. But I'm going this way for me.
This allows us to live our lives symbiotically not parasitically. (That's a word, I made it up)
Last night we went to another fun romantic 3 hour dinner. I was sitting there thinking, this woman, my wife, thoroughly enjoys my company. She doesn't like most people, is not at all accepting (although that is changing) but she wouldn't want to be without me. That is a fact. She loves spending time with me.
We talked about our D (started calling her that) who has been dating her first boyfriend for 9 weeks. She's 17 and independent as hell. At first she was head over heels with this guy. But I see it dwindling fast. He's insecure and smothering. she laughs at that. He doesn't know it yet but it's a sure bet he's gonna be gone soon.
Our conversation gave me a great deal of insight.
So this weekend I'm actually going to spend some time apart. Today I have something I need to do and tommorrow she does. We have great times together. We really need more time apart. Just as BJ's daughter said.
I have thought for awhile that the your first problem was identified and fixed - but like you it kept evading me everything had changed after awhile there was no forward movement - kinda like those eggshells re-appeared but there was really not reason for them to be around it took me awhile but I realised that you were not building
not recreating the how it goes on from here kinda both stuck in time not sure how to proceed
I love this
Quote: The idea that I am going to do my own thing no matter what. I'd sure like you to come along. As a matter of fact I'd love it. But I'm going this way for me.
it makes you more interesting gives you more to talk about and this makes you more fun to be around its sort of like you become this whole person (which you are) and not half of something it shows you are secure in you - and her - and the relationship
everything is a matter of perception - GAL is a matter of changing perceptions giving someone the chance the to miss you so that when you are together you have interesting things to discuss is great and I think particularly important in your case especially as you both spend so much time together that you most likely became complacent about life
I have been following Frank's stich and his wife made some comment about the movie 'shall we dance' with Richard Gere and Jo Lo I bought the dvd and watched it last night Gere makes a comment that I think possibly sums up you and your w he says to his w in the movie (near the end) he loves her more than anything but he isn't happy and he didn't want to share this (unhappiness) with the one person who meant the most to him
it's a pretty good movie about a guy who does the same thing day in day out isn't happy with HIS life loves his wife and starts to learn to dance as you watch he changes and smiles and has fun and is sometimes silly - his wife panics and thinks he is having an affair anyhow you gotta watch it - bit of chick flick and I don't usually like them but it makes you smile and kinda shows you how people can be with someone they love with all their heart and still be unhappy with how things are
I'll have to watch that movie; maybe I can get H to dance...
Xue,
I noticed a couple of weeks ago that you'd moved over here, but haven't been keeping up so much w/ anyone's threads. I've just a read a bit and it does sound like things are okay, but getting stagnant. I think you have the right idea here and I will be watching to see how it goes. Esp since BJ gave me the same advice. You can be the guinea pig!
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
