Yeah that would seem to be the case. Things are good.
Strangely she's ordering make up. I noticed she wore makeup a few weeks ago when we went out and today she was online ordering makeup. I told her she didn't need it. she said thanks but she was going to wear it anyway. This is highly unusual for her. She has never wore makeup. Her skin is perfect and she has no need for it. She's always made a point of the fact she doesn't wear it.
Makeup and singing lessons. Is she becoming a girl?
she is trying new things - she is working out slowly how to change herself and how to move forward next time she puts makeup on make sure you tell her how nice it looks females don't wear it because they need to mostly they wear it as makes them feel good
bet she does her hair or changes clothes soon too she just did something for her and you - wearing makeup when you are not particularly girlie is a big step it is also not easy to put on makeup and make it look like you are not wearing you better start noticing the new lipstick or eyeshadow and making comments you can like the barefaced natural girl - and you can like the girl with her 'face on' made-up too they may just be two different people
ooooh they might be. I never thought about that. They might be. that would be exciting.
She's really been pushing to get in shape too. I noticed she's got her six pack back. Some pretty ripped muscles.
In the past she has talking about getting a smaller nose and bigger boobs.
I love her any way she comes.
oops, that was a slip.
We had a nice date last night. Had beers and appetizers and went to a movie. She is much more relaxed when she sits next to me in the movie. Her body language is so different than it used to be. I was really thinking how far we have come.
OK a trial step forward. This morning we both got massages. We're both full of knots in our backs.
the massage therapist noted that we were both a mess. So afterwards, as we sat down to breakfast, I suggested we take the day off and head to the coast. No reply but I figure it's better than a no.
After breakfast she comes in and says "ok we can go to the coast but no (long pause) serious discussions" I say "wasn't planning any" she says we can go if it's just to relax and she doesn't have to stress on anything.
So "serious discussions" translates as sex.
So I have no idea how to take this. Should I be happy that she agreed to go. Should I be dissapointed or concerned that she spelled out the no sex rules. No idea right at the moment.
My first response was some pretty big anxiety although I tried real hard not to show it.
I'm having a real hard time understanding her.
So we're probably not going to the coast. she said the budgets a little tight this weekend. However we are probably going to find something to do.
Quote: So "serious discussions" translates as sex.
how do you know this - can you see inside her head? is it possible that it means no serious discussions?
so your not going because of budgetary restrictions how about you plan to go in the near future - get a map look where you are going get on the net look what you can do while there
I just read 5LL's as you know and one of the things they said as a possible to do picnic in the cemetry at first I thought no way - then realised they are quiet places with people at rest and it went on to say that that you could discuss people there I guess I always like walking around old cemetries and wondering what the people in the really old graves where like and what they did
I think the book was saying you could talk about things you wanted to do before you died
but what about a picnic in the park - or feeding the ducks and that time of the month - well truly I believe that is a little bit of learned behaviour (learn to stress, be anxious, depressed, be cranky etc etc) and partners learn to use it as a pointer to stay away etc so unless there are real clinical issues with 'that time of the month' such as extreme pain, emotional upheavals like crying for no reason etc (where the person should go to the doctors as there is no reason to feel any of these things) then you need to unlearn what you do around this time - and be more relaxed.
your w is a very healthy fit person and should only feel slightly uncomfortable but after the massage she should feel great and relaxed. maybe that is more the reason why the comment nothing serious so just saying don't jump to conclusions or practice mind reading abilities find something to do that costs nothing and plan the next 'coast day' with a big picnic etc bake a cake for easter, paint some eggs, there has to be lots of stuff you can do together different than what you usually do together hell get out the nail polish and paint each others toe nails in rainbow colours
thinking cap on start a journal and paste picutures in it and notes of all the things you want to do in life change a room around - feng shui your house together you are smart what can you do
It used to be that when we went away it was always a very intimate experience. She was ussually very aggressive and the love making started the moment we walked through the hotel door. Even if it was a business trip. Often times she initiated.
When the R problems started we went on a trip and there was a lot of percieved pressure throughout the day. We had never stayed in a motel and not made love. When we went to bed that night she very loudly declared she just wanted to sleep.
I do very much feel that this is what she was talking about. Expectations, because our love life was so fantastic in the past. Going to a hotel would put that pressure on. Or at least she would think so.
But today I'm looking at this as a good thing. At least it is on the table. She is thinking about it. It is a consideration.
I've been waiting for a long time to suggest we go to the coast. We have a gift certificate for a very romantic B & B which I'd like for us to use. Up until very recently suggesting using it would have been ridiculous. Now she said yes with limitations and we decided the drive was too far for one night. It's on the table now though and we can plan a weekend.
By the "that time of month" comment I really meant that due to the fact that it's been nearly two years this will be kinda like our first time. I was thinking she would want the first time to be perfect. Yesterday we were both very groggy and tired. The massage released a tremendous amount of toxins and we felt it. I never know it's that time of the month unless she mentions it or I notice the products laying around. She has said that sometimes she gets moody but I can't differentiate it from any other time.
The weather has been making it difficult. We all expect to be able to be out doing things. We've had rain nearly every day since January. We're at 220% of normal for the year. Our little town has been on the national news for the tremendous amount of flooding and dangers of dams breaking. Having grown up in the Pacific Northwest it doesn't bother me. But I am noticing that a lot of people seem to be getting depressed. This has definetely put a damper on what should be spring activities. The weather is just crazy and everyone is feeling it.
We are actually in the process of feng shui' ing the quan. We're designing things and chosing new colors. This is helpful.
We spend a tremendous amount of quality time together. Each morning now she comes to sit with me on the couch and talk. I came to her for a long time for this. Now she comes to me and I make myself available. This is a good every day ritual. Normally we talk and talk and talk. Amazing we have so much to talk about.
she found the "The sex starved marriage" under my pillow while cleaning. This may have made her feel like there was pressure.
One thing that used to really liven our relationship was going to dinner with other couples. We used to do this ritualistically with a really close friend and we would always make love after coming home. That friend committed suicide. That was devastating. We recently tried going out with another couple but the ties back to work made this very uncomfortable. We need to go out with someone not related at all to our work and that is difficult. I've been thinking and thinking but we are so involved with the community that everyone ties back to work.
I really believe this is a big part of the answer. Having a social life that in no way involves work. With interesting couples that do not relate to us as Black belts. this was a big problem with my grandmaster. Although hundreds of people loved and respected him, he was actually very lonely. He had to keep the image and that was very exhausting. This is a big problem for us.
Today I will pick up the paper and see what classes we can find to go to. I will really have my eyes open for finding a social life that does not relate to our work.
Thanks BJ. You've set me on a positive path again.
Things are still good. I do still notice very tiny miniscule positive changes. Looking for great.
Lately I noticed she is doing more little things to take care of me. Little acts of service. I am always sure to thank her and she does the same to me.
Hello, and nice to meet you. Just caught up with your thread. I think I am in a similar place as you are. You asked BJ, who I would love insight from BTW, to give you links to similar threads so I figured you may be able to get something from mine. I hope so anyway.
Second to last thread (this one has links to the previous should you want the LONG version) Saga part 8
The similarities are that both our W's seem to be committed to our M's again and yet there is still a lack of intimacy. The backgrounds may be different but I think we are in the same place now. I will keep reading up on you and post when appropriate. Good luck!
she is trying new things - she is working out slowly how to change herself and how to move forward