Xue, You are walking in sunshine and the radiance off of you is a beacon to others. Keep up the good work. I wish I could follow you in this path, but it seems to not be my path.
TD
TwinDragon Thread #11-Dragon, flying - evaluating his world.
Well it's both. Things are going well and I'm busy working.
Used to be I couldn't stay away from these boards for 5 minutes. I was constantly so frantic. Now I feel the need to be away from them for awhile. I want to come back as a completely successful db'r.
We are doing well. She's moved back in but still hasn't moved her things into my room. There is much future talk like last night when she was telling a friend about a house we wanted to buy. Sometimes when we go out she shows signs of affection. Touching my arm or putting her hand on my leg to talk. She likes to look into my eyes when she tells stories to other people. Must look so cute, her staring into my eyes for confirmation on what she is saying.
We are far more open with each other about our conflicts with each other. So they don't boil up into anything anymore. She has a tendency to build up her anger if she is talking about someone who upsets her and it is directed at me. She doesn't mean to she just has a hell of a temper. Yesterday instead of letting it get to me I told her to knock it off and don't direct it at me. It dispelled instantly.
For all practical purposes we seem like the perfect couple in love. Last night we were out at a fancy restaurant. I probably could have held her hand but I didn't. Letting her come to me has seemed to be the only thing that works.
Sometimes I feel she wants to come back to our bed. But she still sleeps on the couch. I guess there is still a lot of pressure attached to that. We've been married almost 8 years but it all seems new again.
I don't know but I'm not going to push. It doesn't work. The more I go my own way and don't worry about it the better it gets.
Writing this post has helped me realize that even more. There is a qoute from anais Nin
Quote:
Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.
Anais Nin, The Diary of Anais Nin, volume 4, 1944-1947
I find this to be true.
And this one I just found which is truly profound and truly fitting to my wife..
Quote: I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anaïs Nin
that is amazing.
Xuesheng.
Always learning but hopefully not always the hard way.
Well not officially. She has moved a few necessities in here and there. Hasn't stayed at the house on the hill since Feb 7. Has made a few comments about "since she came back". But her things remain packed in a bag or stored somewhere else rather than our bedroom.
We have been very busy and tired. We lost a key employee and have had to make up for it. Yet we still make sure to spend a great deal of quality time together.
Last night we went to dinner and a movie. A two hour dinner, had a great time.
But she still sleeps on the couch.
There is no conflict, there is much realization between us of how much we have both grown. We are definetely the two of us against the world again.
My anxieties and expectations are nearly nil. They are not getting in the way like they were.
Yet we seem to be in this "best friends" mode.
It is still partially about her becoming a strong independent woman. There have been a few comments about a few women around us going through D and latching onto a man immediatly. She always says with disgust that these women think they cannot support themselves and live without a man. She considers it a great weakness.
So she prizes strength and independence. I just have to get her to realize that marriage is highly conducive to that. I support her in the things she wants to do to be indpendent.
We have a good relationship now. But I think this lingering thought that strong independent women are single must change. Marriage produces strong and independent. I know this. But how to get it across
now that is a question is it not - how does someone realise that you can be strong and independent within a marriage
so many people think marriage is two halves becoming one but in reality it is two full independent people learning to bend and flex and accomodate the difficulties of living together - while remaining individuals and true to themselves
I am realising lately that this living alone is a good thing no one to consult on anything just do what I want when I want but I also am beginning to realise that living with someone is much more difficult and causes me to be much independent and strong so I don't lose my self within the relationship
I think it takes an extremely strong independent confident person to make a marriage work - someone who doesn't lose themselves in the middle of it all - someone who has the ability to be themself but consider others and how they feel
this living alone is great but it makes me realise that I can very easily become selfish and have an attitude of my way or the high way
I really have no idea what ideas are out there that will allow you to help her see that within the marriage she needs to be even stronger and more confident in herself confident that you can see the real her - the bad day her and the her who sometimes struggles and then asks for help
good luck you are doing so well february was a good month for you bj
you just solidified some thoughts that were running around in my head. You always offer enlightenment. Thanks. Helped me to change the course of my day.
Today has been good. W went with me to walk the dog at the lake this morning. It's where I go to blow off steam. We went together to blow off steam today, and then drove around looking at property. Fun and looking to our future.
We are still learning about each other. And we seem to continue to learn each day.
