Quote: Why can't your dream come true? Don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question. What's more, if you do attempt to answer it, you will be compounding the obstacles. Every time you list the reasons why progress cannot be made, you drum them a little further into your brain. Don't ask why something can't happen - ask why it can. Better yet, ask HOW it can. List all the positive possibilities. And then start to believe them. If you now make enough effort, with enough faith, you can work wonders.
I really needed to hear this today:
"Don't ask why something can't happen - ask why it can. Better yet, ask HOW it can. List all the positive possibilities."
I'm feeling down - not sure why. I don't have anything planned for the day, other than some cleaning. Yippee. :P Not so exciting, nothing to really look forward to. I'm tired and have absolutely zero ambition today.
Silence from SO so far this morning. That's odd, and probably has something to do with my mood as well. I know - Oldtimer will probably whack me for that. Just being honest.
Still sulking? If so, get off your DUFF and DO SOMETHING. Go for a walk, go to a matinee, get a manicure even if you have to give it to yourself. Better yet, go throw away all your bras with broken or missing underwires and all your panties with holes. Then, go by some new ones. The "Secrets" line at Walmart is actually pretty decent and affordable. They go from tiny sizes through plus sizes.
LMAO! You're killing me. No, not sulking anymore. Actually had a freaky incident occur. I went out for a drive (see, I was doing something!!!) and there was a wire hanging low. I hit the brakes but kept sliding into it - looked like it was going to hit the windshield. We went under it, but in that millisecond, things flashed before my eyes. I pictured me & the two little ones getting fried. It was really scary, and I'm not one to get scared easily. I was powerless to stop what was about to happen. It scraped the roof, but we're still here. Obviously. The power company is working on it now. I know - you're supposed to be safe with the rubber tires, but you try it sometime and tell me if it's not scary!!!
And here's the part where you smack me around a little. I called him. I was so freaked. It was instinct - and as I realized what I was doing, I actually hung up. But he saw me on his ID and called back, so I told him what happened. I know - I know - please don't yell too much. I DID instantly recover and apologized for calling. Dammit, why did I have to go and do that? Later on he emailed and told me "not to ever apologize to him for calling him and please, always continue to call, no matter the case, no matter the time."
Whack away.
PS...just you wait until your baby is born! You're going to find that walking thru the intimates section with little kids isn't as fun as you might think! My 3 year old likes to put the bras on her head. LOL
I'm also getting some unexpected company for the night. My mother and nephews are coming to visit. So now I have no choice but to get to the tidying up that I was putting off!
OK, so I think he's feeling the burn, but, I'm not sure how to deal with this.
After a beautiful day on Saturday, including several compliments from SO, him coming and sitting behind me and hugging me; hugging me a long goodbye; him saying he's miserable; numerous phone calls about nothing thru the weekend...today he started with the sleeping together thing. Emailing me about it...I told him no. When he gets here, he's giving me the silent treatment. So I left. I had an appointment, but I left about an hour earlier than I was going to.
He calls, asked why I left in such a hurry. I told him I wasn't going to sit there and have him treat me with an attitude, so I left. We kind of got into about the sleeping together thing; I spouted off at the mouth that by me sleeping with him, it made a mockery out of the whole reason why he moved out; made a joke out of the reasons why we aren't together anymore; and makes a joke out of whatever other relationship he's in.
When I get home, he's sleeping in my bed; in his underwear. I did lay down next to him. He angrily said he'd respect my decision and is there someone else? I said "Yes, in your life. Not mine."
I can't stand this. He's so angry with me. I just don't know how to deal with this. I finally told him that if he wasn't so bull-headed, he could figure out what would be needed to change my mind. I did notice that he went on the computer and took out the line re: OW.
I feel like I was making progress and now this anger. It feels like a step back...or is it? Is this anger a sign of progress? So now, I know he's going to give me the silent treatment some more. I *want* to email him or something, but I guess I shouldn't.
Sounds like you are doing great and not becoming reactive.
DO NOT fix it for him. DO NOT DO NOT. Trust me, he doesn't want a mommy and you don't want to be his mother.
His ANGER is at himself, even if he directs it toward you. You are doing nothing but treating yourself, and even him, with respect.
If he is trying to communicate something about his status w/OW by playing games with an online profile, either ignore it or, IF YOU MUST, tell him you noticed but that vague, indirect communication isn't working for you. If he has something to tell you, he can tell you directly.
I'm not real sure what was going on here: "I spouted off at the mouth that by me sleeping with him, it made a mockery out of the whole reason why he moved out."
Sounds like you were talking out of hurt OR fishing for repentence on his part. Whatever. I would caution you though NOT TO BACK HIM INTO A CORNER. Don't make it the case that by trying to come back to you he is a spineless hypocrite, for instance.... Don't put up an electric fence if you are trying to leave the door open...
Thanks, Oldtimer....again...keeping me on the straight & narrow!
Quote: I'm not real sure what was going on here: "I spouted off at the mouth that by me sleeping with him, it made a mockery out of the whole reason why he moved out."
Sounds like you were talking out of hurt OR fishing for repentence on his part. Whatever. I would caution you though NOT TO BACK HIM INTO A CORNER. Don't make it the case that by trying to come back to you he is a spineless hypocrite, for instance.... Don't put up an electric fence if you are trying to leave the door open...
Yes, I guess I was talking out of hurt. Or, more likely - confusion. Or anger. He said that "I was taking away the only good thing he had left in his life." The only thing he could do that made us both happy and now I was taking that away from him and he didn't understand why. Now, back when he started w/ OW, I got the whole ILYBNILWY speech. That always repeats in my mind when he says this stuff to me....Like I'm OK to sleep with....but not OK to have the rest of a R with. I have extreme difficulty getting past that....still.
I've been good with not getting reactive. I did good today, even thru all this. But he pouted, carried on, then got mad & silent. I felt like he was trying to pressure me, wasn't respecting me, and was only doing it to get his rocks off. Not because he gave a damn about me. I didn't like feeling that way.
So - you're right. I reacted out of hurt. And I suppose I still do a lot of "fishing". I need to stop that.
YOU are taking away something??? Give me a break! HE took away the context of a commited, monogomous R that made sharing sexual intimacy something that you felt good about.
Poor little boy, his actions have consequences -- HOW MEAN OF THE WORLD to pick on him like that!!!
Sorry, but GAG GAG GAG. What are these WAs thinking???
Perhaps you could point out that you are making choices based on what is good for you in the context of the reality he chose to make for both of you.
Quote: Perhaps you could point out that you are making choices based on what is good for you in the context of the reality he chose to make for both of you.
that's what I am trying to convey to him, but he's just not getting it. That's where I'm having such difficulty. How the heck do I deal with this?
