Nothing much has changed in my sit, but do have a question for those out there who are more experienced at this than I am.
Last night my H (who is away for work) called me in a very drunken state. He does this only a couple of times a year - usually when he is away and with a bunch of guys from work. He called as he was walking back to the apartment and asked me to stay on the line until he was inside. I kept him talking by asking about work, but he kept coming back to "Are the kids okay" or "Is everything okay". After reassuring him a few time, he said he knew I would take good care of them. Considering I've virtually brought these kids up on my own (he's always been away for work) it seemed strange.
He also told me he loved me - something that hasn't happened in 15 months. I don't know what to make of it as I know he was very drunk. I talked to him this morning and he said he doesn't even remember talking to me last night.
He kept apologizing for drinking so much and I was very careful what I said to him. I said that he has been working very hard with some very long hours and maybe he just needed to "let loose". I told him that it didn't bother me that he was drunk (it didn't) - I was more concerned with him getting home okay. Too bad he doesn't remember the conversation. If we had been out together it would have been a different story as I think it would be disrespectful of me.
I was hoping he would remember as maybe it would have been a good jumping off point for a small R conversation. Do you think I should tell him what we talked about and what he said? I'm scared of R talks as they haven't gone well in the past. Last time (February) he told me that he was only here for the kids. I really don't beleive that that is true, but we don't seem to be making any progress. We get along well and rarely have problems (other than his "I love you but I'm not in love with you"), but I believe that neither one of us is truly happy.
The way I look at it, we have two choices right now as obviously he is not leaving. One is to stay the way we are and live and friends or we make a step to try and recapture what we had way back when. I'm scared and don't know how to start the conversation. And then if he does want to work on "us", how do we start? He's not a fan of C and I am okay with that if he doesn't want to. He's very private with his feelings.
My first step I think would be to ask him to read a couple of specific chapters out of "Men are from Mars......". It really helped me see the differences between us - once I got past the whole corny "planet thing".
So, any opinions as to whether I am on the right track or courting disaster would be greatly appreciated. Words of wisdom definately invited!
