The paperwork is horrible.Let me give you a little advice, make sure you put EVERYTHING on there as far as the finances are concerned. I mean everything..Don't compromise anything..Almost better off to put things at a higher number so the L can estimate your cost of living..
The sinus thing..yikes..I had issues for years with them. Couldn't smell a thing and had constant headaches. It was awful. Had sinus surgery and nose job about two years ago to get me breathing again..Hang in there..Hopefully your stuff will work. Believe me, sinsus issues can impact your entire life..
Just popped over to say hi..My life is a total freak show. Go visit if u get a chance.
I am Ok with paperwork. I know it will get done in time. I just think I am having a time out this past week. I will get back on track soon.
I saw C today. H is still Missing in action. He knew we had a dual session with C today, but failed to show. She is concerned that he didn't show. I said "it is about par for the course"... The last time he went MIA, I kept calling to make sure he was OK. He chewed me out for being controlling. I told C that the fact that H hasn't called for over a week, has amost been like a vacation. I told her that I care ABOUT him....but I can't care FOR him. She understood, just is still worried that he might be DOA in his condo. Well, as much as I want to care....I just can't get involved in taking care of him. (But it IS unusual that he hasn't been in contact with D15 for over a week).
I went to complete paperwork for D15's confirmation in the church today. I told the church coordinator everything that has been going on with H. I also asked her to stay close by me on April 29th (d15's confirmation day) just in case H brings his HO into our church for the service.
(Now keep in mind she is a very straight laced Jesus-type person).....She says to me...."Believe me, Dust, we will all be in the back of the church playing rock, paper, scissors, to see who gets to beat the "crap" out of the HO".
I couldn't contain myself. Just had to laugh out loud at that one. It was just so out of character for her. She then gave me a big hug and told me "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord... Now, don't step on His toes!" I guess that means that I should leave everything in God's hands. (Except for the rock, paper, scissors game).
That's just too funny. A lot of my friends (including STBX's own brother and brother-in-law) have said the same thing to me - that they want to beat the crap out of him!
Quote: Have you been able to get a hold of your STBX?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I did reach him last night. I said, "Where have you been? I've been calling and you missed our C appt yesterday." He said he never got any messages (GEEZE)!!!!! Well, either he or I or both of us is crazy because I know I didn't dream that I left messages.
Our nice little convo warped into a screaming fest. God, I hate when that happens. It was mostly my fault.
So today, I called him and apologized. I told him that our C and our neighbors and a few other people, as well as myself, thought he was dead. And when he answered the phone last night, I was shocked that he wasn't....
Anyway, he patronized me a bit and while I don't think it cleared the air any, I did get to take care of the business that I needed to with him.
I asked him why he hadn't been in touch with D15 for more than a week and he just said that he MEANT to call her. Oh well! (I bet he MEANT to be a good H too!)....
That anger after worrying about someone is normal- I know it too well! Give yourself a break about it. He was inconsiderate not calling anyone and everyone didn't help your worrying by telling you he might be dead!!! Try to remember the teenager(your H) can't be considerate right now- no calls, no adult behavior! Then it seems more normal- still annoying though!!
Quote: For me I think it was avoiding that this is really happening, that if I didn't do the paperwork I wouldn't be getting a D!
I hear ya, Cathy.....I still haven't even looked at the paperwork. Right now, I feel I need to do physical work. I am cleaning out closets. Seems odd since what I really need to do is paperwork. I guess it is my avoidance complex. I just know L is going to call me and say, "We need paperwork tomorrow." I will feel terrible, but I am just doing what I feel like now. How pitiful!
I am so busy dealing with life on a day to day basis, D15, dog, bills, etc. I am trying to change over all utilities to my name instead of H, and have the payments deducted from my new bank account instead of our mutual account. All this takes time and effort.....and I only seem to accomplish a few things a day....Not very proud of myself these days...but at least I get a few things done.
have the payments deducted from my new bank account instead of our mutual account.
I am not sure I understand this. It just seems premature, Dust. Seems H should still be contributing (i.e. mututal account) until you get a legal agreement. Would he turn that against you that you can handle all the bills without any support from him?
Hopefully wiser DBers will help here. I might be way off base.
I'm not a wise Dber but further on in the D process- I don't know if it is a problem changing to your name. If he isn't paying the bills right now it may not be an issue. If he is paying right now and you switch to your name then he is off the hook on his credit anyways. Consult your L to be sure you should be doing this right now. On the financials the hardest thing was just starting- once I did I made a list of the few things I would work on for the day. I called a car dealership one day to figure out maintence on the car- when things need to be done and how much they cost- my H had always handled the car stuff before. Eventually I got motivated and wanted to finish it. Some things take a while though- I needed to provide 2 yrs. of credit card and bank statements. If you don't have them you can send for them to come in the mail or get them online. If you don't have a scanner at home you want to get to a copy store before the day the financials are due. Once you do finish it you will feel you accomplished something! Really!!!!!!!!!! I felt like why should I do this paperwork because he will wake up soon and call this off! Then I felt like if I didn't do it maybe all this bad dream would go away. I also felt that this is a mistake and why should I have to do this. But I finally realized that this is happening even though it is a mistake and if I don't protect my kids and myself financially it will be even worse. Read the post from Lastresort in separated forum on finallyfrees thread- it addresses bad things in life happening. So my point: PLEASE START THE FINANCIALS! Email me if you ever have questions or want to talk- cathymerr@comcast.net
One day we will look back at this and be able to laugh at it and smile again and hopefully see why this happened. I can't see what is around the next corner and why I have been put on this path but I'm hoping it is something good coming!!!
Quote: Seems H should still be contributing (i.e. mututal account) until you get a legal agreement.
Matilda, I guess I should have been more clear on that statement. H and I split all of the existing bank accounts. On our joing checking account (Which he still has access to, but has been good about not interferring with), we had it set up to automatically pay the mortgage payment, my car payment, and daily newspaper etc. each month. I finally got all the info (and motivation) I needed to move the newspaper and automatic mortgage payment deduction over to my own, single account.
I just have one more thing - my car payment to move to my bank account on auto deduction. I still don't have all the info I need in order to do it. I eventually need to close our former joint account. (Damn....I had just ordered the economy pack of 600 checks, too)!
H has sent me a check for Child and spousal support for each of the past 2 months. It isn't as much as I would get if I would finally finish the darn financials, as that would prove I need more. Our joint account only has about enough money left in it to make one more house payment and one more car payment. Once I get all the automatic payment accounts switched over, I will close that account.
