Let me know if it is Cairns Nope... unfortunately not. We are off to Perth. H did mention about Cairns before Perth. He checked out the flights and it was waaay too expensive.
Is this romantic getaway without the boys? Not too sure if it is a romantic getaway, since I am staying over at my mentor's house. But yes, it is without the boys. OUr first holiday away together for a long long time. Kinda scared actually. At first, was joking about staying over at my mentor's but he was very enthusiatic and asked "can we?" ...thought he would feel awkward... considering our sitch and my mentor alot about our sitch.
You lucky thing Do hope that I AM A LUCKY THING and will continue to be one forever!!!
Journalling.. One thing that I forgot to journal was that the day before I left for Country X, I was asleep and got awakened by a call. Picked it up and it was H. Told me "I just want to tell you that I love you" and he asked me about his wedding ring and asked me to bring it along to Country X the next day. Next morning, was quite sure it was real but somehow thought I was dreaming. Did take his wedding ring down to Country X. But he didnt' ask me for it throughout the ten days. So I kept quiet about it.
And yesterday (Thursday, 15th June)...before bed, he called me and we chatted a bit, then he asked me about the wedding ring and if I brought it to Country X. I told him yes but wasn't sure if I was dreaming the other day or what, and didn't want to bring it up. He sort of chuckled.
So... I guess this is a positive! He wants to have his wedding ring back!!
Other positives.. he seems rather excited about our trip to Perth...
We'll see...
Live the Moment!!! One Day at a TIME!! Be Positive! Be Happy!
H and I did go to Perth for the few days. Unfortunately, didn't start off too well. At the airport, something small sort of escalated and I blurted "Yes. I know. Going with ow is much more fun. Going with me is no fun at all". To which, H just stormed off. H had my boarding pass so I just sat there sniffling. He came back about ten minutes later and said "let go downstairs" and I just followed. We didn't talk for rather long. Just the necessary things like "look after the bags. I am going to the loo". Still didn't talk much. Think about 3 hours into flight, he asked "you have had enough of your craziness?" ... I just bit my tongue and didn't answer..
Next few days in Perth was quite good... S@x was great... but we did have another R talk the day before we left.. again with H saying "you gave me no choice".. and I couldn't hold my tongue any longer and said "how about i promise you that I won't interfere with your R with ow. You can move away, emigrate etc. I don't care. Just promise you do the same with us. I don't need you to interfere with my life and the boys. I don't want to be with a man who doesn't want me". And he said "I want you...". This went on for awhile. One other thing that he said "Whether I am ready to come back, or not ready to come back, I am coming back. So, do you want me to come back or not? Yes or no? " and I had to meekly say YES. *sigh*...then it was my turn to ask "are you two still together? A yes or No?" ..the reply was a NO..but don't know if that is true? Trust is still a major issue for me. How can I trust this man again??? And I asked him "Am I sharing you or not? Yes or No?" and he said NO again..He kept on saying "shut up and move over to country X!". I was still kinda upset and then he said "Okay ...how about I wear that funny G that you bought? Surely will make you laugh!" (I bought him a funny looking elephant trunk G for his birthday as a joke!) ...
Anyway, before he parted, he said "next time you come over, you got to sort out the house alreday"...
Few days ago.. H texted to say that he is setting up the boys' room with the TV and X-box...
Nothing much has happenned much..and I have had a panic attack this morning if I was doing the right thing... Thankfully, my mentor was around and told me to look at the big picture.. "Keeping family together" ... so, am trying to do just that.
Had a few text exchanges with H and phone call today. He seems "normal". Told him that I have four days of vacation days that I need to use up by end of this month, and if I should come over this weekend. He said he's got friends going over.. and how about I stretch over the 21st July weekend, as I've already got a ticket... So, we'll see.
Trying to calm myself down and not think too much!!!
Though may not be fully fully piecing yet, but alot of my emotions and feelings are similar to LBS undergoing piecing... Have seen lots of positives in H but my own emotions and uncertainties stirring like crazy...
