I don't think I explained myself very well last post. Knowing SO is in "hot pursuit" of this OW has an opposite effect on me and I wonder what others feel. Seeing how he is shamelessly doing these things - the flowers, the profile, the emails, etc - IT DOESN'T MAKE ME WANT TO PURSUE HIM. As a matter of fact, it disgusts me and repulses me so much that I just want to push him away.
Does that make any sense to anyone? I find it disgusting that he would put so much energy into that R instead of "us". We've been together for 9 years, we have 3 little children, and some girl 10 years younger than him is the one he puts effort into? I don't get it. To me, if he put even 1/4 of the effort into "us" that he puts into that, our R would instantly turn around.
Am I wrong in this thinking? Why do I view this as a roadblock instead of jumping on it and seeing it as an opportunity? Why do I push away when maybe I should be trying to use it to get closer?
Your SO is totally insane. Sorry about the negativity, but I'm starting to not believe in love at all. ANd I'm starting to think it's only the bad guys who win.
Does that make any sense to anyone? I find it disgusting that he would put so much energy into that R instead of "us". We've been together for 9 years, we have 3 little children, and some girl 10 years younger than him is the one he puts effort into? I don't get it. To me, if he put even 1/4 of the effort into "us" that he puts into that, our R would instantly turn around.
I just read your post and the similarities you have to many of us are amazing! You are right if he did but even an 1/8 of the effort into your M it would be amazing! I suffer with that every day. Logic goes out the window most of the time with the WAS. Deep down they know wha they are doing is wrong, but like my W explained to me one day when we supposedly tried to recouncil the affair or the other person is like an addicition. It is so easy to dish out the advice and sound like such an expert at DB but I am far from it. The one ting that you and I have is that anger and disgust at times that comes through. At times it makes it easier to detatch, but you need to detatch and let the emmotion go for yourself. I have monents that I do detatch for myself and feel stronger, and it gets better. You will hav back slide like I did recently but when you look at everything logically you will slowly be able to recover and move on! I was in the same situation as you a few weeks back. I actually brought the suitcases out in the middle of the nite and told my W to choose between me and the OM and if it is the OM go move in with himif he is so great! At the time I felt empowered but regret it!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Hi Whitelight - thanks for finding me!! Thought you were in Australia or something....
Hello Tim....nice to meet you and thanks for stopping by! I'm getting so much better with detaching these days...I read some of your sitch earlier, found a lot of interesting stuff on your thread that I've had in the back of my mind.
I have more to say (don't I always), however I've been busy playing with my new digital camera that SO bought me ~ oh yeah - I mean I bought for me with SO's credit card, tee-hee!
Anyway...between detaching and taking pix, I didn't have much interaction with SO...well, except for a roll in the hay, which I initiated...my new theory, "put out or get out!" LMAO No talk, not even small talk...lol, just sex, sleep, then he went to work. It was actually a pretty good day!
I go back and forth on whether kicking W out was the best decision. The downside was that I sent her right into OM's arms. The upside was that I regained a lot of self-respect, and now I don't have the constant stress of having her around while she's in love with someone else.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Strange events last night. SO left for work last night after telling me he'd be home afterwards. Once again - odd. About 2:45 AM, I get a phone call from him saying he was "just going to stay over here and sleep in the car". I simply said OK. About 45 minutes later he calls back and starts the convo with: "NM, you know I care about you right? Well, I wanted to call you and tell you I won't be at work in the morning. I called X to come in." I asked "What? What's wrong?" He said, "I respect you so I thought I'd tell you so you wouldn't worry in the morning." Somewhere in there I thought I heard him say "We have to talk". He said he was at his work office ( 1 hour from where he was working, 1 hour from here, yet, coincidentally 15 minutes from OW) and he was sleeping in his car.
I don't even really remember much that we said after that, although from his tone, it sounded like he was crying? I'm pretty sure this has something to do with OW.
I'm upset. Not screaming, crying, obsessed upset. More of an "at a loss as what to do" upset. For him to call in sick to work - that's a big, big thing. This will be only the 3rd time in 9 years that I've known him that he's not gone to work. And the other 2 times, he was really & truly sick.
I know I shouldn't presume things. Easier said than done given his bizarre behavior. Anyone with any ideas or suggestions on how to handle this?
When SO got home today, he told me he wants me & the girls to move out...move about 2 hours away where "I can start a new life" and be clsoe to family.
I guess this is it. I told him I was going to leave tonight, go to my sisters...we were supposed to be going there anyway tomorrow for his nephews christening/birthday party, however I told him I wouldn't be going.
I did my best in validating everything he said, told him I respected his decision, but that once I was gone, the door was shut. He said don't say that, you never know what will happen. I told him that was why I had wanted him to move out - he was one person and for me to uproot the kids would be the final option.
Hi. I am so sorry I didn't get to post a reply before you left today. Please post again soon and let us know what is happening. I hope you don't really have to move, if that isn't what you want to do. Saying a prayer for you...be strong.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
