I feel like the WAS - I see nothing, remember nothing but BAD.
Quote: You said many very strong things in this post, but this one stuck out to me. Isn't it true at some point. As we gain back out stability after being knocked upside-down and sideways from all this, we start to realize that WE are the sane ones and maybe it's US who should be taking steps to literally move on.
In my case, yes. Moving on. Actually, no - more like intense GAL - finally. I'm a stay at home mom, need I say more? LOL No mystery, 3 little kids with bedtimes at 6, 7, and 8 limits me to, well, being HOME most of the time.
I should have gone back to work a lot sooner than this. I guess, in some ways, I was waiting to see what my SO was going to decide. That was wrong. I don't really want to go back to work, at least not full-time. I like being home with the kids, this was something we decided on before his A, before our 3rd daughter was even born. I quit my job to stay home with #2, #1 was in kindergarten at the time.
At the time, the decision seemed like the right one. However, I was unprepared for all that came with being a Stay at home. I was at home, all the time. I became 100% financially dependent on SO. That was probably the hardest for me to swallow. Not having my own money. I believe all of this added to our problems, then being surprised with our 3rd pregnancy. All these things came wham, bam, right in a row. Just added to everything.
Quote: I really like what you are saying in all this. I don't think you are truly setting ultimatums because you think it's totally over, you just have reached your limit and are trying to identify a different path that will possibly make you happier and give him the room to figure out what he wants. I hope you are right in your decisions.
I hope I am, too. I just don't see how continuing in this manner will make things better. I'm starting to resent everything. Not only do I need a physical break, but I need a break emotionally. Hard to do with him here. At least not without a doctors prescription....lol.
I mean, every boundary that I've set - he's crossed. Every suggestion I've come up with - he's rebuffed. Maybe my getting a job will alleviate some of my issues. Take my mind off things so I'm not dwelling on them so very much.
Maybe the job in itself will help and maybe it won't come down to him moving out. I don't know. I mean, if I'm thinking wrong, someone please point out some other suggestions to me. I'm open to about anything right now. Anything for a change in the way things are.
I don't feel as though I'm giving him an ultimatum. Although I'm not sure how HE sees it. And I've told him, I'm not asking him decide between us; I haven't said her or ME; in my eyes, and once again, maybe wrongly, I feel as though I'm giving him the freedom to decide what he wants. Me, her, someone else....whatever.
Quote: As for your H. Wow. He really is confused, isn't he. My W does a little of the same thing like when she asked me if I met and new "friends" lately.
Tell me about it, lol. I don't even know how to answer him when he says these things. Plus, they confuse me. I'm not sure if he cares or not. I know when I express jealousy, it's because I care. Who the hell knows what his motivations are. I'm not even sure that he knows. And he even said that last night, as well. Point blank said "I don't want us to end."
Anyway, so far today, he's sent me some emails....one saying "Happy V Day." with a suggestive comment to which he added "to make you smile." I never responded. So then I get the next one that said "No Reply, now I know how it feels, sorry". WTH?? So, I answered (purposely confusing) "Oh, SO. Are there any words left to say?". He answered with "What does "Oh, SO" mean? I've not answered. And have no intentions of answering.
And I won't have to deal all that much with him today either. He'll be home around 1-2, then he has to nap before getting up for work and leaving by 5:30. And that will be the extent of it.
Well, so much for remaining calm & serene. I was thoroughly at fault for today's episode. SO never came home until approx 5 PM...I ended up losing it. Really losing it. The flowers he bought for the kids to give to me - I threw them at him and told him to give them to his girlfriend. And it got worse from there. Then he told me he was looking at apartments all day.
I think that I have lost it. I don't know why I behaved that way - like some obsessed psychopath. I don't think he could run out of here any faster tonight...and I don't really blame him when faced with the whacko that I was.
About 800 steps back tonight.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm unconsciously sabotaging myself.
Greetings from Florida! LOL All seats were sold out and I had to abruptly catch a flight Wednesday or I wouldn't have gotten here. That's what happens when you're on standby! Although, I'm not complaining!
Thanks, Whitelight for stopping by. I apologize for my failure to catch up on your thread - I've been so overwhelmed lately....I'm actually quite glad I got this extra day. My friend wasn't expecting me, so she's at work today and I'm just doing.......NOTHING! Holy Cow! It's great!
I got to catch up on my sleep, lounged around...wow! I'd forgotten how to unwind. As far as SO, he's texted/emailed me several times already! LOL Maybe as he's dealing with 3 kids (and his mother!) he'll gain a little bit of insight on what I go thru on a daily basis and have a tiny bit more appreciation for all that I do when I get back.
It was so funny yesterday - when he got home and I told him I was leaving that day instead of Thursday! LMAO - He asked when I was going and my answer was "momentarily." I had no choice, I had to high-tail it to Newark, which is only 70 miles away - but with traffic it took me almost 3 hours! I actually got to the airport at 5 PM for a flight that left at 5:55...I literally RAN through the terminal - never did that before! But it was fun and all's well that ends well!
So he was a little stunned that I was just up & leaving. I did make time for whoo-hoo before I headed out the door!!! Just wanted to leave him with a smile!!!!!
Are there any words left to say?". He answered with "What does "Oh, SO" mean? I've not answered. And have no intentions of answering. 
whoo-hoo before I headed out the door!!! Just wanted to leave him with a smile!!!!! 