You keeping yourself busy with photo sessions or you kinda here-and-there on bookings? You do event type work, right?
Have you given any thought to a strict marketing program focusing on realtor/lender headshots? Was talking to a realtor friend of mine the other day and some photographer came into her company's headquarters and dropped a flyer into everyone's bin. $99 headshot on-location (at the company) or $75 headshots if there are 4 or more realtors getting photographed.
My realtor friend said this lady told her she was booking realtor offices left and right - 10 minute sessions per client, most offices having 4-6 sessions. ($300-450 per hour when you account for set-up and breakdown). Deliverables are 1 CD with 4 images (high rez and low, color & B&W with light retouching), 1 5x7 and 8 wallets.
Something to consider OUTSIDE your sitch.
I'm choosing to do what's right, rather than what's convenient.
Thanks Tim and NYS for keeping me on track and PD for chiming in. I will look into that PD, thank you.
Journaling:
Last night we booked our flight to Ireland on the 2nd of March. I was excited at first, but now I have anxiety. I have NO idea where we will "be" when that time comes and I feel all this pressure to keep the status quo until then (really, that was my plan anyway) because I DO NOT want to go all that way with someone just to fight and be uncomfortable. Also, I need to put the breaks on some things. She is now showing signs that all the touching and "niceness" between us the last few day is making her uncomfortable. She pulled away last night and this morning from back rubbing. I am immediately stopping any initiation of physical contact, which is really hard for me because even in the best of times, she never initiated so if I don't do it, it won't get done. I need to re-group. Going into tomorrow, her traditional (ick) date night with OM, I will have to be strong because I do harbor some hope that she's on the outs with him. I think I may be wrong (more than a few long garage sessions yesterday and even this morning). So I am not that emotional and I am going to redouble my efforts to do some "as if"-ing today. I may be wrong about the OM status, but I can act as if I am right and things are on the mend. All that will really do is keep me positive today since we are going to be doing family things all day. Wish me luck and I will try to check in on all of you later in the day.
She is now showing signs that all the touching and "niceness" between us the last few day is making her uncomfortable. She pulled away last night and this morning from back rubbing. I am immediately stopping any initiation of physical contact, which is really hard for me because even in the best of times, she never initiated so if I don't do it, it won't get done.
Another way to find out how to communicate love to her is to reflect back on how she used to communicate love to you. For example, you mentioned that she called you one day that she was buying jeans for you. Could "gift giving" be one of the ways she expresses her love? Then receiving gifts conveys "love" to her as well (Though at this stage, "gift giving" may be seen as "pursuit").
Does she see your physically touching her as meaning "you want sex"? When a relationship isn't fulfilling to a woman, or it's aggravating, her desire for sex with her partner can diminish and so she'd be guarded against seeming advances (even if they're not advances), rather than freely accepting them. Foreplay, they say, actually starts on Monday morning and continues throughout the week, with affirmations, compliments, being helpful with chores, really listening to her, being thoughtful and spending time together.
Quote: So I am not that emotional and I am going to redouble my efforts to do some "as if"-ing today. I may be wrong about the OM status, but I can act as if I am right and things are on the mend. All that will really do is keep me positive today since we are going to be doing family things all day. Wish me luck and I will try to check in on all of you later in the day.
Good luck! There, I said it. It sounds like you're on an even keel with respect to your emotions and really, that's not such a bad place to be. The WAS' ride an emotional rollercoaster much similar to the LBS, and its so easy to get caught up in that. But, part of this process is for us not to get caught up in those cyclical emotions.
Re-group and re-focus, you had a lot of positives this week and I'm proud that you did the right things. Keep up the good work and look forward to a great vacation in Ireland!
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
I read the 5 Love Languages and I posted afterward. Basically, I am having trouble identifying what language most fits my W. It seems like gift giving is almost a lock but problem is most every time I have given her a gift in our R, it has not exactly been met with joy. Sure, if I get her exactly what she tells me to get, then I am fine, but any effort I make to put thought into it and go off the board she just accepts and moves on. It is really confusing. I am totally a physical touch so... As for the touching being perceived as me trying to get sex, sure, that's how she always perceived it in the past thus our lack of touching outside the bedroom. I don't know how she could think that (well, I do know...) now since sex is not something we do anymore. I am confused but ok. I will post more later about my thoughts right now.
I don't know if this is a revelation for me or just a manifestation of what's going on, but I am really struggling with the fact that my W just doesn't seem to notice me. I mean we live together, but it seems I don't exist to her. When I think back, I can't remember when I did. To explain more, she doesn't look at me. She doesn't touch me. She doesn't regard me. I am just here. Our communication is minimum. I guess I am saying that I don't feel any vibe from her. I don't feel like she expresses love for me. Ultimately, and this is really scary for me to say, I am realizing that I have never really been made to feel loved by my W. I am wondering how much in denial I am about my own happiness in my M. I see her walking through the house and I look at her with a lover's eye. She doesn't even notice me. Again, don't know when she ever did. I am rambling on but it's what's going through my head right now. I suppose it all started on the night of the bombs when she asked me "don't you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them?" Immediately I thought about all these things, and yes, I do deserve that. I wonder if I will ever get it from my W?
OK, short post as I'm looking to get out and GAL!!!
1. When in doubt about which LL the partner speaks, try 'em all and take notes! 2. Again, 'gift giving' right now could be construed as pursuit. After some long time has gone by where you haven't been pursuing, then you can try it. 3. 'Physical touch' stay away from if she's gonna shrink from it thinking it's all about sex and work on meeting her emotional needs ("Her Needs, His Needs" betcha read that, too, huh?). But you still might want to lightly touch her forearm momentarily when speaking to her, light touches like that. Build rapport.
Geez, I feel like the merry match-maker... I'm outta here!
Thanks NYS, and no I did not take the quiz...will do now.
SS, could you expand at all why you posted that I had a lot to learn about women? I know that's true, but I would love to know what exactly about my ill-concieved post to imdi made you say that.
Oh, and in response to my own post about my W not making me feel loved, I feel the need to point out the obvious that early on in this I realized that I did not make her feel loved either. It's a chicken/egg thing.
When I said you have a lot to learn about women I was reacting to the suggestion that women attach emotion to sex while men just want to have as much sex as possible. Sometimes sex is sex, sometimes it is emotional for both men and women.
I think aside from that, and I'm speaking for myself not womankind, there is nothing worse than feeling like your only value is for sex. My H and I have had a pretty good SL but we went through a dry phase when I felt like my H only wanted me for my body and not my mind so I kept rejecting him. It can become a viscous little cycle.
Here's a question for you. Does your W pull away from all physical contact? Do you offer back massages? I'm not able to think of any suggestions at the moment but there must be a way for you to touch your W but in a nonsexual way that isn't threatening to her. Maybe a hand massage.
Oh, and I didn't mean for my response in Imdi's thread to come out as harsh as you seem to have taken it. Don't censor yourself. I just don't think any of us should be assuming things. That's how we got here in the first place.
And hey, I'm jealous as hell your W is still living under the same roof as you. I've been w/out my H since the beginning of the year and as little contact as you have now, you still have the opportunity for her to notice you. Maybe she can't see you with all the weight you've lost. I'm sorry you feel invisible to your W. I feel the same way sometimes.
