You don't see any middle ground between wanting sex 3x a week....and nothing? 1st off....if your goal (lets just say it's your goal) is 3x a week....you cannot start off with that, that will overwhelm the person who you say is ND (and would you make up your mind...is she ND or LD?) For a person who is LD/ND telling her that you want sex 3x a week...will make her think that's what she has to do NOW, not what you'd like to eventually work up to.
On the smothering part of things. We as the HD partner do tend to overdo it and smother our partner when we are desperately trying to reach them....and that's generally a HUGE turnoff. My H has told me that he felt like he couldn't relax around me because he thought that everything had to lead to sex (which was incorrect, but it was his perception)....if an LD/ND person cannot relax around you without feeling like everything is sex, sex, sex...you aren't going to get anywhere.
CeMar...you STILL haven't responded to anyone's suggestions about YOU seeing a C. You need to. You keep asking the same questions on here, you keep receiving the same answers. Seeing a C on your own would do you a great deal of help.
CeMar, you posed some good questions and it would be interesting to see how others answered them as well as I am finding it mighty hard to answer them now I have to think about it.
Okay, this is what I have come up with after 20 minutes, not good. We do stuff for each other, whether it be something nice and spontaneous like buying a small gift while out grocery shopping or just cooking dinner, and not expecting anything in return. Something that will make the other person happy.
In reply to GEL regarding a MC. We did see one individually for a session each, but aside from being unable to get a babysitter and me working the days she is available - I didn't like her much! We have yet to find another.
Chrissy, you are right about it being so much more about sex. I do know this but it is so hard to get rid of those negative feelings about the whole thing. All those times I laid there hating my husband for having sex with me when he knew I wasn't into it has taken a toll. It made me see sex as just an act of gratification. I just stopped doing it at all. Now he has come to his senses about our relationship and recognised his wrongdoings (he abused me physically a few times and mentally many times over the low sex drive thing) I'm supposed to just forget the bad things and put a whole new spin on things? I really wish it was that easy! I really, really do! It is happening slowly, and that is the part my husband is having trouble with. I'm trying hard, but when he gets pissy over it it's like taking another step backward.
Argh, I have to stop, I don't want to think anymore...
It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated.
Scissor Sisters - 'It Can't Come Quickly Enough'
It's been pretty stressful, hubby's dad has been in hospital for 10 days (cancer related) and my sister is an emotional wreck as she has finally left her abusive husband (finally forever). But it has also put a lot of things in perspective. I am so lucky. I have a healthy family of my own and my husband really loves me. I know and appreciate this, and after this week maybe even moreso.
It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated.
Scissor Sisters - 'It Can't Come Quickly Enough'
It's been pretty stressful, hubby's dad has been in hospital for 10 days (cancer related) and my sister is an emotional wreck as she has finally left her abusive husband (finally forever). But it has also put a lot of things in perspective. I am so lucky. I have a healthy family of my own and my husband really loves me. I know and appreciate this, and after this week maybe even moreso.
It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated.
Scissor Sisters - 'It Can't Come Quickly Enough'
Thanks guys, your kind thoughts mean a lot. We spent some time with my father in law yesterday (he's home) and he is the best he's been in months. Such a relief!
I got a nice surprise this morning. I opened the fridge and there was 2 huge boxes of chocolates and a handmade card from hubby for Valentines Day. He can be sweet when he's not thinking about fishing! Might have to get out the new lingerie I bought...
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated.
Scissor Sisters - 'It Can't Come Quickly Enough'
Might have to get out the new lingerie I bought... 