Sorry, I'm not a moderator, but I wanted to respond anyway.
If you feel like you are doing what's right for you, then you are doing the right thing. It doesn't matter what we say here. What matters is what your head, heart and instinct say.
If you are willing to give it time, be patient and see where things go......then that is what you need to do.
You're right, we only see one side of the story on here. We don't know your H at all. He very well could be sincere in his efforts to want to be with you.
I guess what I am saying is be true to yourself. That's always the right answer.
~SE
I'm moving on...at last I can see...life has been patiently waiting for me.
Me-32 WAH-35 DD-11 DS-4 H left 11-03 Piecing- 12/04 WAH again- 03/07 Married 12 years Divorce final May 15, 2007
I am in a situ where i just dont talk to many people about it becuase I know that most of my friends and family would say, dont let him walk all over you, stand your ground, he is having his cake and eating it etc etc. But the one thing I do know is that forcing him into making a decision is NOT the right thing to do. I have been divorce busting now on and off for 2 years, and one thing I know about my H is if I or anyone puts pressure on him or tries to influence him into making a decision - he backs off big time.....
Thats why deep down I do beleive he is being sincere, but he has to beleive 100% in himself that if he did comit to me again he would be able to be 100% faithful, which at the moment I dont think he can... I dont think he has got it out of his system... I no he does not want to lose me completely but at the same time he does not want to make promised to me he knows he may not be able to keep... He has told me that he knows he put me through hell and he would never do that again, which is one of the reasons he is scared and wants to take his time..
BUT from now on this has to be about me!! I have made my decision to chill out and just see how things go with my H, but in the meantime I will prioritise in looking after myself and my little daughter and enjoying life and being happy on our own... Then whatever develops with my H will be a bonus.
Quote: But the one thing I do know is that forcing him into making a decision is NOT the right thing to do.
I'm not advocating "forcing" anyone to do anything. That is something that essentially doesn't work. I wouldn't say one word to him about the other woman. But your actions to me say "I'm fine with you having another woman. I don't mind sharing you or sleeping with you when you are sleeping with someone else also. I'm here for you whenever you need me". I'm advocating not putting your life on hold waiting for him to make a decision. That you keep things friendly with him, but also keep looking after yourself. Does it feel right to you that whether you try again is a decision that is entirely his? Don't you feel you have a say on whether you personally want to try again?
I would like to respectfully disagree with a previous post. I agree, be true to yourself, but I don't think that going with your heart and your head is always the best policy. That's what DB is entirely about...sometimes the right thing feels wrong to us....thus at the beginning the lesson is not to suddenly grab on harder, but instead let them have space. I'm sure our head and heart tell us that love letters, flowers, presents, long relationship talks, etc will get our spouse back and that stepping back from them is the wrong thing.
I do not think that it's a bad thing to at least give him the idea that getting back with you is not a given. He shouldn't just expect that you'll be there whenever he "decides" to commit to the relationship. You have as much say over your future relationship with him as he does. But I like your plan....
Quote: BUT from now on this has to be about me!! I have made my decision to chill out and just see how things go with my H, but in the meantime I will prioritise in looking after myself and my little daughter and enjoying life and being happy on our own... Then whatever develops with my H will be a bonus.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
There is a little about giving up the OW and going dark in Michelle's DR book. It's called After The Last Resort Technique and it's on page 219.
My WAH and I have been separated for 9 months. He's said all along that he wants a D, but we've been dating and having a fantastic sex life. He's also on a dating site and has had various girlfriends.
My story is long and complicated, and it's in the Separated forum. I actually haven't posted for awhile, but respond a lot.
I've just gone dark again and told him that when the 3 months are up, I want the D (in NC you must be separated one year to file). Though I've found someone else, if my H were willing to try, I would be so happy.
You can e-mail me at my regular address and give me a brief summery of your sitch. Maybe we can help one another. Rmespero@charter.net I don't have a whole lot of time, but will respond.
My H is away for 2 weeks in Thailand with some mates, have a whale of a time no doubt with whoever he fancies... But not having him around texting or ringing everyday has made me get on with things. Bought myself an exercise dvd today and did some tonight. Feel fantastic now - even though can hardly walk!! Only thing is I have noticed my contact with my BF has increased since my H has gone away... Part of me feels awful coz I am not sure if i am doing this for company coz I havent got my H's company??
Rere - I have read your thread and also e-mailed you tonight - thank you for this...your thread does sound similar in some ways. i look forward to talking to you more...
Am just not comfortable with going dark at the moment. dont think I have got the guts and from what i no of my H I really am not sure if it will work... I can go semi dark I suppose as he is away now for next 2 weeks, so I can just not contact him at all and leave it for him to ring or text me... He will more than likely be expecting me to..
My H is away in Thailand at the moment, and I have text him a couple of times and he has responded and rang me once. But is has annoyed me as he has only text me when I have prompted him. At end of day I am sat at home with his daughter so you would think he would want to know how she is even if not me!! So have decided not to text him anymore whilst he is away. Am going to try and go dark... God I find this so hard though... At end of day he wants to know how we are then he will contact me...... If i keep texting him them I know I will probably just end up bugging him which is the opposite of what i want to achieve.
I want him to miss us and wonder what I am doing etc...
Hello, first time checking in. Is H in Thailand on business? He could be too busy to answer txts or calls during business hours, and only available at the end of the day.
I know a little how you feel, my H went on a trip last fall and any type of communication that used to normal was null and void. Except it took me about 3 days to figure out he changed the rules. I finally quit calling and texting, and a day later he started initiating, on his time and terms. Just a thought for you.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
My H is on a holiday with his mates..... But I held back and he text me this morning... I think you right - its about them feeling in control.
But where do you find the patience....... The hardest thing with all of this is realising how long it can take for things to turn around... bit like your situ... you want things happen now!! but in reality it could be months or years down the line..
I took myself off out saturday with my mate and had a fantastic time. completely boosted me which is what I so want at the moment.. Recommend it to any1 .... If you feeling low have a good night out with the girls!!
So Monday morning here we are again, but I feel so much more positive and strong that i did last week. Yes, I am still wondering what my H is getting up to in Thailand but I am not sat waiting for the phone to ring like I was this time last week.
