I have that book, also, and I have found it so helpful to me. Sassy let me borrow hers. It also explains the different types of affairs. I'm still not really sure what "type" my H's is...romantic, or an exit affair. I don't know. Do you think most of these WAS's in MLC have romantic affairs? Hang in there and don't get down. Remember, she is a distancer.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Vince, glad you picked up the book. Interesting that you picked up your W as being a distancer. Do you find yourself as always a Pursuer, or only when the A happened?
When I read it, I realized that I am most certainly a distancer. I would have to say that Dave was the pursuer in our R from day one and I was always backing off or pushing him away, not wanting to get close and protecting myself. Perhaps looking at the R now, maybe I just knew it wasn't the one. Who knows?
I think I have always been a pursuer...and I think W may have always been a distancer (but not to this level)...she has always had a tendacy to run from conflict and I think this is where she is now...as evidence, she says "i don't know if I can give 110% to make our marriage work" tells me that it is less about me being controling and demanding and more about can she handle the work load. What a crappy way to go through life knowing you took the "easy way out" (her words) by not working at the marriage. Although, I think in her head that she has not made up her mind yet but I seem to be pushing for D and I don't think that she likes me taking away one of her options, but she is not giving me many choices.
Best that I find out now that she can't handle work...what if we had a child that was mentally challenged or a disese or I lost my job and we had financial difficulty...i really don't feel like she would be in my corner to tackle the world...it kinda feels like she would cut and run...not a really good feeling inside about W right now.
just heard from W and she said she never got my TM...whatever...she is still at OM house calling me..WTF...she said that she has meeting with L on Mon at 1:30 to see her options...great...all friday's talk was for not...she reiterates that she does not have the 110% that it will take...whatever...I continued to try to give her assurance that it would be a safe haven if she would ever think to come back...I tried to assure her that many people go through these things and the biggest reason for failure is people not knowing how they would come back to the marriage.
It is over...I can feel it...she is just posturing for the D and getting some $ out of me...leading me on to soften me up...She is a real mess.
i asked her why she suggested that we talk more but it never happened...she said that she didn't know...she thought that she was scared...scared of what I asked...she said scared of the unknown maybe my feelings...WTF...she is scared of having feelings for me again...tell me that this in not going to resurface later as an issue...If she continues to repress these feelings she is going to be a mess her whole life.
