Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Hit the wall now what......New thread

PARob you are right! With my good friends I never have to worry about saying anything. We trust our friendship and we can work things out, no matte what. I miss that trust with my W and we are all wondering if we can work things out. I know the first step is demonstrte my friendship to her, and be the person I want to be!

Kim you are so right about "whats behind door #2" when you recouncil. I experienced that first hand. My W and I started to recouncil in Nov, and the OM would enter the picture several times and actually never left! That is why I am back to square one!
It is so true that you work so hard to get back together, and once that happens you start dealing with all the other pain and emmotion that you put to the side while you were trying to get back together. This is where I faltered. I stopped DB/DR and fell back into my old habits, because I thought we were out of the woods and I could start to write my success story.
That is why Grasshopper, and NY and many of you out there have helped so much in understanding detatchment and building yourself up!

The real thing to realize Tim is that you have never really stopped "your old ways". You may have suspended them as a ploy to get her back the first time she left, but as evidenced by your reaction before/during/after Mexico and how you were acting the last two weeks, you never really made the changes YOU needed to make.
I can't say if it would have made a difference in what's going on now but you know it would have made a tremendous difference in you.
You are advising me to stay the course heading into my planned trip to Ireland with my W (and her sister, BIL and a girlfriend of sister) and I plan on doing that. It is a chance for me to really prove to myself that I am the man I want to be, need to be. I will not do this for my W, I will do this for my life. If I can just go on this trip, release the HUGE expectations that I could come up with, relax and have a great time simply because I will be in a great place doing great things, then I would know I was capable of most anything.
I keep telling you to use this trip to Vegas as your proving ground. Prove to yourself that you are capable of being Tim for Tim's sake. Have fun but don't do it to spite her. Miss your kids but stop there. Don't worry about what she's doing, make her worry about what YOU'RE doing.
You are making the changes, just keep it up.

GH

[quoteSomehow I suspect you mean you don't want to rely on someone else for your happiness. I've tried to separate wanting my H and needing him. Of course I don't really need him, but I do really like having him around. And I don't think there's anything wrong with another person making us happy--so long as we also know how to be happy alone too.

I really hope that all made sense.


SuperStressed

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That makes perfect sense! I always want people in my life to share in the beauty and happiness the worls can offer! We have to be strong as individuals and be able to find our own happiness. Then be able to share a portion of it with another person without smoothering that person or being the sole supplier of their happiness! Balance!
The balance we are all looking for.
Thanx SS and Frank!

After 10 months I really have had eough. Like some of us on here I will be reluctantly entering the final chapter of this journey.
My W had the OM come over last nite and pick her up for a sleep over. We talked alittle but her response was to contact my lawyer.
She has made it clear that the OM is her choise and now it is time to live with the consequences on the choices we both have made.
I did not cry last nite over it, and I truly did not want to be married to the person that walked out of the house last nite. That was first time I thought I do not want to be married!
I still have hope that I can become a better person, and my W will grow and see that we can have a happy marriage not only for us but the kids.
It is time to truly detatch and enter the "Last" Last resort and be prepared fo the consequences.

Tim and GH,
Looks like we are all hitting the wall about the same time...all I can say, from the first to make the leap, is that it has helped me a little with detaching from W, but I have not lost hope or have I stoped Db...I have been reading in the "D but not done" BB and although it is not as active as this BB it has people that are still trying despite the process of D...interesting views on there. Both of you need to be strong as long as you can but then you need to be the best person you can be for yourself and your children whatever the future holds.

Tim,

I have been really pulling for you. Sorry to hear this is where it ends up. I truly hope you find happiness in any choice you make here because you deserve it, just like everyone else. Be right for you and your kids, whatever it takes. Good luck in any choice you make.

Thanx Vince, rob, and GH!
The journey is not over until they put you in a pine box into the ground! I have learned so much and still have much to learn and so much personal growth left to do! Everyone here has helped!
Vince I share your sentiments exactly. This is halping me detatch and I still have not given up hope. I will ALWAYS have that piece of my heart that will never be filled by anyone except my W! I married her for a reason and those feelings will always be there.

Amen! I sense such a positive vibe from your post. Keep it up man!