Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Hit the wall now what......New thread

Amy,

Well, this is Tim's thread but you addressed us both so...
My wife, if you read my thread today, says something has to give. She is about to have a nervous breakdown (her words).
I don't know what that means but it must mean that like you, about 3 months into this thing, she's cracking.
As for my words to her about the affair, they are not supportive or a$$ kissing in the least. I have told her that I am contemplating divorce even if she's not. I have told her this has to end. She knows how I feel. Because of DB I feel like I should be doing more detaching and supporting and such, but I just can't make myself do it. I believe she needs to feel what she is doing to me. I do not pressure her. I do not go on about it but in no way do I empathize with her affair. I barely tolerate it but not for much longer.
With my W, she CLAIMS it is only an EA but once again, I believe that about as much as I believe, well, in unicorns.
Hell, it could be true, but the disrespect is there never-the-less and I am almost to the point where I will begin to withdraw, detach, go dark and tell her to end either them or us. I know this thing for her is not about me, but this thing WITH her IS about me and as someone who is about doing for themselves these days in reaction to someone sh!tting all over them, I am looking at all options.
I am willing to wait a little longer to see if her words about "knowing it needs to end" are really the stringing along thing I think they are, or if somehow she means to end this herself.
Either way, I understand where you're coming from, and I think Tim will too. It is harsh but so is what our wives are doing to us.
A stand, emotionless, calculated and firm, will need to be made soon. I am trying to reconcile that with DBing but I am getting close to the point where I will need to do what I need to do as a human with self respect. Will that happen today? No. Tomorrow? Probably not. Next Week? Maybe, who knows.
A wise poster once told me that it's up to each of us to know when enough is enough. For Tim it was this morning. For Frank, it was today (thankfully, not really). For Vince it seems to be Monday (or was, havn't read his thread lately).
Thank you for your advice. It has been heard.

If you want, you can post replies to my thread (Unique situation...no...part 2)

TMU

P.S. Sorry for the hijack my friend.

I am really starting to get worked up! My W ahs been gone with the OM for over 3.5 hrs! Early today she said she wants to be with me, and she knows the OM is wrong for her! Now she before she leaves she thanx me for being a friend and goes there with no expectations! This is how a friend treats another friend! This is crap! I know from this morning don't speak when so emmotional but
I feel I have to follow through with what I started this morning!

Remember I said "what will be perceived by your wives as ass kissing". They don't see things as they really are or you wouldn't be in this predicament.

Also, please realize I am trying to play catch up with you guys and I do mix up your sitches. Sorry.

I'll talk to you on your thread.

Tim ~ don't threaten her and not follow through in at least some way close to what you told her you would. She'll have even less respect for you. The person she is now is going to be mad as the devil but the woman you know and love, isn't much happier with this situation than you are. She just can't get all the emotions compartmentalized long enough to work out the most damaging ones.

Amy I am not sure you have kids?
Did they effect you?
I can't believe my wife will put the OM ahead of her kids! This day has been unbelievable, and it ain't over yet! Almost 4hrs and I am supposed to remain calm after the day we had! WTF

TIM,

Now would NOT be the time to make a rash decision and lay down an ultimatum when she gets home. Trust me on this. You will ONLY look desperate and angry (it doesn't matter to her right now that it is justified).

Go to bed. Don't let her know you've waited up.

DON'T BLOW UP TONIGHT, TIM.

Shame you can't lock her out. That would speak volumes. But would NOT help your DBing efforts.

I want to call her cell phone and just check to see if she is all right! I don't want to see her get hurt! I also want to send the message that I know what she is doing!

DO NOT CALL HER.