Ok, last weekend I had goals. This weekend I have only one.
1) Do not talk about the OM or R.
I am so close to "lighting up" much of the weekends, I need to really focus on not doing that. All my actions will be towards that goal. Going out, doing for myself, etc.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Ok, my W is clearly depressed, or something. She is laying around all the time. She lacks energy. She's tired all the time. I am worried about her. Do you think I should say anything? I am trying to express empathy but I don't want to seem like I'm trying to fix her. How do I approach her in a validating/empathetic way?
I'll join you on your goal. It sounds like a good one. I wouldn't approach wife about her supposed depression yet. Kinda gets into the whole R thing (I'm worried about you yada yada). Plus, she might just be sad or plain tired. Since you're not a doctor, I wouldn't try to ascribe a condition to her. I think a lot of us DBers get caught up in labeling our spouses (to help in our quest for answers) but as far as I know, none of us are doctors so..... I'd wait it out a bit. Unless it seems dire and she really needs help functioning. There's a chapter about this in the divorce Remedy book.
Coming to your thread and reading what you and so many other men have been going through keeps it all so real for me. I realized on my own a few months ago how deeply I had hurt my husband when I was so confused and had OM while H & I still lived together...But DEAR GOD! If I had known then what I know now by reading these posts...well, I'd like to think my eyes would have been opened much sooner than they were.... Last night after following Tim's sitch, I just hit my knees again and asked for forgiveness and yes, I did also call my H at work. We just spoke for a couple of minutes but that he even talks to me, much less has dinner with me like he did Tuesday night, is such a miracle after what I did to him. I am blessed.
I don't want to forget what I did, lest I forget the mercy and grace God has given me. You don't know how much I appreciate that I can read here and pretty much know my H felt the same way all of you do for 15+ months...it's a good thing...because it keeps me walking in gratitude that I just may get a second chance with my H...even though I don't deserve it at all.
Thanks for letting me interupt. Thanks for "keeping it real" for me.
Glad to be of service, and I mean that. I hope I am not feeling like this for 15 months. I hate this feeling and I am so glad you recognize what your H went through. You are putting your experience to good use here and we appreciate it.
Amy, you do give us hope and great perspective in our sitchs...I know for me, if my W were to show the remorse you are showing it would be very hard for me NOT to forgive...Amy, good luck to you and sorry TMU for the hijack.
Amy, you do give us hope and great perspective in our sitchs...I know for me, if my W were to show the remorse you are showing it would be very hard for me NOT to forgive...Amy, good luck to you and sorry TMU for the hijack.
Amy, you do give us hope and great perspective in our sitchs...I know for me, if my W were to show the remorse you are showing it would be very hard for me NOT to forgive...Amy, good luck to you and sorry TMU for the hijack.
NP Vince. I never mind hijack. If there is something that needs to be said, say it please, on topic or not. I am glad you are thinking a little clearer today and I am truly sorry for your loss and continuing sitch.
