Hope, sorry that you feel this way. If you want to know the truth, I feel very much unloved and taken advantage of. I know H. has problems, but a real man, a strong man would not treat a woman this way
You are stronger than you think though. It takes real strength to open up and admit how you really feel.
Maybe your h is a weak man. I remember the shock when my mother said to me of wah "He is weak, he has always been weak". Strange how, I could never see this until recently.
I'm very willing to put everything I've got into that Make sure you keep some back for you. Actually, make sure you keep a lot back for you. You are worth it!
Yes, I will check that book out. Hope my library has it.
By no means would I suggest that *you* pursue legal action against your H. Any of my posts have been written under the assumption that your H is going to take you into that fire.
Oh, yes, I know! Sorry if I conveyed the wrong message there! I was just talking out loud really; if I file, it's not a ploy. I'm just done.
I do agree with you that so much can change in a short amount of time. I'm trying to take things slowly, even though all I want is to get beyond this horrible stage in my life. I'm trying to NOT see it that way; to see it as a time I grew and changed. But darn it if my heart isn't smashed into a thousand pieces and I feel like crap.
Here is what I know tonight, and I will share it with my dear friends here. I love my H. very much. But I am not in love with who he is right now. I don't know the person he is at the moment and if I met him for the first time today, I wouldn't even want to date him. The things he is doing scare me. He would not even make a good boyfriend right now. I wonder why o.w. thinks he does? I pray several times a day for H. I honestly do. I don't want him to throw away a good life with someone who loves the good parts of him (which are buried and not being allowed to come out right now). He may not be capable of ever coming back to our marriage and I have begun to accept this. I still wish for his sake he would seek help for his depression, whether we ever have a new R. or not. Keep kind to yourself, okay? You're really doing a fabulous job, and you've got a lot of support Thank God for that!!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Print this out and keep it by your bed, or taped to a mirror in the bathroom:
I love my H. very much. But I am not in love with who he is right now. I don't know the person he is at the moment and if I met him for the first time today, I wouldn't even want to date him. He would not even make a good boyfriend right now...He may not be capable of ever coming back to our marriage and I have begun to accept this...
This is something to keep reminding yourself. It's all about acceptance.
(And don't apologize, GF. I didn't think you came across any other way than you intended to. I just wanted to clarify myself so I didn't sound like the "drag-him-into-court-to-get-him-back person; 'cause gawd knows that don't work ... at least it shouldn't be the motivation for going into court 'cause it can certainly backfire!)
You guys want to read a thread? Pop on over to the "We're separated...now what?" section...there's a true blue WAH posting/spewing some harsh thoughts over there. His handle is "finally_free" in case you didn't guess. Insightful. I wonder if my H. feels similar to this guy?
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
You guys want to read a thread? Pop on over to the "We're separated...now what?" section...there's a true blue WAH posting/spewing some harsh thoughts over there. His handle is "finally_free" in case you didn't guess. Insightful. I wonder if my H. feels similar to this guy?
Anyone care to wager if he's one of ours???? Off to check it out.
Hope...I can relate to how you feel right now. When Dave and I talked the other day, I looked and I mean I looked for some sort of resemblence to the man I had loved. Other than the clothes he was wearing and his basic physical characteristics (gained a bit of a beer gut)...I just couldn't find him. It was hard to find any tracing of the intimacy that we had shared...this was not the man that I had shared my life, dreams and passions with. That man is gone and in my case, really gone.
It's sad, isn't it? For me, there are brief flashes of the H. I knew. Mostly though it's this new personality coming through that is not a very nice person to be around. Believe me, it's not an improvement.
The man I was married to would not like the guy my H. has turned into.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
It's true Hope, I now think of wah as a distant relative of the man I loved, he looks like him, sometimes even sounds like him, but that's where it ends.
As for that thread, I am not claiming him as my wah, but some things sounded like they could have come from my wah if he ever talked to me about it, which hasn't happened yet. Hey, only been 9 months. Don't think I'll visit that thread again
I too was directed to finally free, by faithandhope, I think that after the brutal lashing that I gave Mike there may have been another in me. But not today. Insightful, yes, obviously there is a reason he is here. I plan to check him out here and there, but at this point I cannot bring myself to post. Even a WTF
Quote: The man I was married to would not like the guy my H. has turned into
This is how i feel 100%. in fact, i feel so strongly about this that i basically told H that last night (see my post if you want some of the details).
It's so surreal sometimes... like they've evolved into these creatures... then we struggle with, well was he always this way and i just didn't see it? was i just too close and i needed to back up so that i could see the whole picture instead of that little microcosm that i loved? and now that i can see the whole picture, do i even want to invest in the painting or is it just a cheap knockoff of what i thought i wanted or what i thought i was getting.
here's to better days and better loves --- with H or without.
You guys want to read a thread? Pop on over to the "We're separated...now what?" section...there's a true blue WAH posting/spewing some harsh thoughts over there. His handle is "finally_free" in case you didn't guess. Insightful. I wonder if my H. feels similar to this guy?
I don't want to post this on that thread, so I thought this would be a better spot. (Sorry, Hope.) *Dude*, that guy's wife is DBing her a$$ off (and it's working)!!! I love it!
...on second thought, it seems almost too perfect; wonder if that post is legit? Oh well. If nothing more, it serves as a reminder of all the things we *should* be doing.
Last edited by pregnantandDBing; 01/19/0601:37 AM.
