I am really not sure, but from reading information here and other sites they are about half way or three quater the way through when they drop the "bomb". Again some of this varies since each person goes through differently. He could becoming out of replay and showing signs of depression and withdrawl, but I am only going by what I know currently. Just my thoughts.
Afraid, Remember, the stages are interchangeable and they do bounce between they throughout the crisis. Denial is the only one that they will not bounce back to once the crisis is in full swing. In acceptance, you'll see a bit of anger, replay, depression and withdrawal all mixed together and yes, you'll even see some "children/various personalities" come into play, but most especially, the real child will come out.
Some do not outwardly show all of the signs. Your h may be a very mild case and not as intense as some of the others. Why is that? Because his issues from his childhood may not have been as bad as others and you've left him alone pretty much. You came to the board very early on and learned out to leave him be. This is very important and you've not shoved him out the door. You've allowed him to sleep, etc. and have not judged him either. You've kept your expectations at zero and have been taking care of yourself and your children. Your h is doing just fine and you are doing great.
BTW, has he said anything more about moving or purchasing any other bikes lately? How does he look these days? How is he acting? Has he begun to show interest in what you and the children are doing?
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, he bought a new Harley, but is selling his other one since it is not a "true" street bike, and with the price of gas I really couldn't argue. We have both agreed we need to move to a bigger house-together I mean. We knew this for a while. He is looking ok. He is not distant, he doesn't sleep like before. He sleeps a little on weekends, but he does get up at 4:30 and has been working 55 or so hours plus a side job. He had been telling the kids it is for him and me(I am not fond of bikes, but he keeps trying). He does take the kids to his side work with him, he has been giving them rides. He is spending a lot of time going to my brother's rallies,( he is running for an office in his union). My h and brother have always been friendly, but never hung out, now he feels he needs to go to these. He even bought a skateboard to go out with my oldsest S on vacation and they went to the skateboard park. We had a nice time on vacation walking trails for hours, and swimming with the kids, etc. He even went as far the other night as to tell me after I had left a barbecue and he was there with S2 that he was thinking of getting a tatoo with my name, so he had to leave. There was a guy there who does tatoos.I am glad he didn't do that. He just seems more alive most of the time. He doesn't look so distant. He doesn't wander off in the garage by himself and stare in the field all the time, actually I can't remember the last time, before it was quite frequently. Hopefully these are good signs.
Afraid, Everything you posted has a good spin to it. He's looking ahead and is making plans for the two of you. This is good. Encourage him when he does things right. Sounds like he's become a workaholic. Was he this way prior to mlc?
Does he seem happier or still moody? You know, it sounds like some of his depression has lifted and he's starting to think about things. This is all good, in fact, I would say great. When was the last time he went back into the depressive state?
Keep doing what you are doing. It's working and your h feels safe at home. You are doing great.
How are the children? Are you doing anything special tomorrow?
Happy Mother's Day Afraid! Enjoy the day and leave the mlcer monster outside the house. Cherish the time you spend w/your little ones for they do grow up quickly!
P.S. Don't worry about your h. He's baking up nicely. What I've liked is the fact that it's been a rather slow process which means he's not being rushed to skip stages. When he's finished, he'll be a very mature and pleasant person to be around. You'll be glad you waited patiently for him to return to you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I can't remember the last time he seemed depressed. He has always worked a lot of hours. The kids are fine and I am working on negogiating a contract for an apartment building today.I will post more later we are on the way to our friends house to pick up my son.
Well last night on the way to our friend's he says. I wanted to get you something for Mother's Day, which shocked me since for 15 yrs he always said, "You're not my mother." I mean even when the kids were little he didn't get anything even from them. This morning he got up and came straight to me and kissed me and said "Happy Mother's Day". My kids have yet to say anything.LOL. Then he said "I Love You." He then proceeded to tell me about how he heard on the radio all the people that should remember mom, but they didn't mention husbands. Ok He must be up to something.
Weird I told he we had to go to my mom's later and he said why we going there, oh yeah Mother's Day. DUh she is my mom is what I wanted to say.
Afraid, One step at a time and it sounds like your Mother's Day started off just right. Afraid, he's slowly coming to. Give the man a bit of credit for coming to you this morning. There are many here who would die for that acknowledgement from their spouses.
Honey, keep up the good work. Your man is baking up nicely!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am still hanging in there, but he is still going through transitions. Last night he was seeming to be blaming me for everything he "thought" was wrong. At least it isn't as bad. He just seems to have minor mood swings, but I am thinking he was having a bad day and has been working alot. I have bad days -crabby-and as far as I know I am not going through MLC. I am not trying to bring it to his attention -that he is blaming me cause then it makes him mad and he says I am not blaming you. If not, he needs to watch the way he says things I guess-probably can't though.
