Short and sweet. I found once I didn't worry about h. My life got better. I just go on with my life. I do worry about my kids still, but them being 13,11, and 9 not babies it isn't as bad. Thanks for the help. I know it is hard, but once you realize you can survive things look different. I am sure my H is still "healing" it just doesn't seem so dramatic or something. Maybe when he was out of work for 7 months and I saw it didn't mean I needed him to survive that helped. I don't know.
Afraid, Thanks for posting. Now you understand better why we say to go on w/your life and leave your h out there to twirl in the wind. Continue to worry about your children. They are very important and need you at this time. Take care of yourself as well.
Please come back to post when you have the chance.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have been so busy I have not had time to come here much. I see my H going in and out, but maybe I am being sensitive. I know he is still traveling I am just too busy with work( I changed companies) and my kids and my obligations to them and household I can't really worry. I do start wandering though if he doesn't answer immediately, but he has not been gone for any time. I think I am just looking for something. I just hope this time he makes it through the whole process, since I think I have snatched him out in the past.
I wanted to stop by I have't had much time a lot lately to post. It is amazing how you find the time when you feel so unsure and don't do anything else. I use to run here so frequently for answers. Maybe it's a good sign. I have been sick all week and thought it was the flu because my only symptoms were fever and ache. Turns out it was a huge bladder infection and low potassium levels, which they said could of masked the systems of the infection. H took me to the medical center Thursday after my fever hit almost 104. He seems to be going along just fine and that is why this whole thing is just so strange to me he seems to be fine then he stops and goes where he left off. He is spending his time at home and with the kids. He is going to work meetings regularly, which he never really did. I know he is since my brother and a friend is there he would lie since I could find out. I have no reason to suspect him other than him have done a 360 from when I came here. Then he told me he didn't see spending his life with me and he did know how long he would be here. Now he is talking about buying vacation property and using it for weekends too, he keeps telling the kids his motorcycle is for him and me.(I don't like them). I mean he is planning future activities for "us". He tells me he loves me from no where. I am just nervous he is going to drop back into his timeline and start acting crazy again and I just don't know where that is.
Afraid, I'm sorry to see you've been ill this week. Bladder infections are nothing to laugh about. They are so painful and annoying. Drink plenty of water and get yourself some cranberry juice and drink it until you pop.
Now about your h. I've been wondering how he was doing. He's moving along at his own pace, but he appears to get stuck every so often. That's okay. Just let him be. It sounds like you've been observing, but not saying much to him about it. Am I correct? He's trying to live out a fantasy about a vacation home and thinking it will be the "safe haven" that he so craves. Little does he know that it costs money to keep these places up, right along w/the regular mortgage, etc.
Afraid, he's still in replay and is working out his issues. Just let him be and try to focus on something other than what you think might happen again. He's done very well considering everything. You've managed to work it out that he's still at home, but dreaming of something else. He may be one of the few that talks about leaving and yet never does. Allow him to have these "safe" fantasies and just listen. He will reveal more as he goes along.
Please take care of yourself. Hugs to you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He just seems so much more like his "old" self. It is much more liveable. He had scared me so much last year with his sleeping and looking so bad, not taking care of himself.
Oh yeah, the medical center had called and said the bacteria that caused the infection was ecoli and it was a common bacteria type for bladder infections. I didn't know that, since I thought it came from undercooked meat.
Afraid, Just let him be--like you've been doing. If he feels comfortable at home, he more than likely will not run. You've not put undue stress on him which is good.
The medication they gave you should make you feel better in about 5-10 days. Did they say anything about coming back in after the medication is finished? If they didn't ask about it. Sometimes, the medication tempers the infection to the point of thinking it's killed it off and then later the infection builds back up and attacks again. Be kind to yourself and drink plenty of water to flush out your system.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am still trying to stay focused. I don't always see he is still blinding going through replay, but sometimes I do see it. It just doesn't seem as obvious as it was before. He seemed so low before now he functions. He actually apologized to me the other day and said I am sorry how I had been acting the last 2 years. He mumbled something about not being able to take all the stuff going on.( Kids not listening, and so much stuff to be responsible in essence-being an adult). I will continue one day at a time and see what obstacles life brings.I think it can only make me wiser and stronger.(I hope)
Afraid, It sounds like he might be on the tail end of replay. You are doing great and yes, you will become so much more wiser after all of this.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I really don't know how you can define when they are moving stages or where they are. I was hoping to become wiser, but it is all a blur to me. I just pray that my kids and I get through this and the outcome is positive. I can tell withdrawl and depression even replay, but can't tell if he is in them within replay or when he is coming out. I am just trying to do what I need as suggested long ago and stop figuring it out. Like I have said he seems to go forward and then stop and take a step back, then forward again. I do see he hasn't been down so low like last Nov-Feb when it was obivious, sleeping, not showering, etc. He just acted like everything is hopeless. He has made a few comments where you could tell he felt hopeless or depressed but no major changes for a long time. Like I said just hoping it comes out in the end what is best for all of us.
