Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Blast of confusion, coupled with delusion

Okay...
H just called me...at work, not even on my cell! He asked how i was (after commenting on how pleasantly i answered my phone...he always used to say that i was very abrupt when i answer the phone...so we laughed at that)...i said fine. He said "oh, i was just calling to see if you were still alive." I said "yes, i'm still alive...are you?" So, i guess it might have annoyed him that i hadn't called. Chatted for a bit. Then he said he was calling for another reason (heart drops in my stomach)...about taking the cats to the vet (relief!). So, we talked about it..who was going to take them, etc. I asked if we could go together so that i could get used to taking our girl (we are splitting them)...he said that was fine. So, a good conversation. Ended it with "okay sweetie...i'll talk to you."

Yes, i feel like a jackass for sitting here, complaining. But, i do feel so much better. Thanks for tolerating my tantrum!

Imdi,

See?!?! Don’t you feel SO much better that HE called you? I got the same last night.
I hope kitties are ok. What’s going on with them? Why the vet?
And he did notice you hadn’t been calling, thus the “are you still alive” remark.
Baby steps, Imdi. Pinky swear.

Hope-
Yes, i do feel better and feel like such a baby for making a big deal out of it...
I agree...i do think he noticed i hadn't called...good, serves him right!
Kitties are okay...annual check up. But, my girl has such a tough time going to the vet...she gets sooo upset. And, she might need to get shaved b/c her hair is matted in 2 places...she's getting old I never used to be able to take her b/c she was just a mess...hissing, spitting, even peeing on the doctor...and it upset me so much. But, i figured if i am going to have her, i got to get used to her antics...

lmdi,

glad you're feeling better.
hang in there girl!

TTS

Lmdi,

Glad you are feeling better. So easy to get caught in those neg. thoughts when you get contact and then they dont call.

Got a kick out of the message from your colleague... just goes to show how much it is about the energy we give out.

I will post on my thread tonight. I actaully have not done much with sis except watch tv. Hmm, I thought she would take me out and introduce me to all sorts of young men that are too young for me! Oh well, I still enjoy having her here!

brava

Lmdi,

Glad you are feeling better. So easy to get caught in those neg. thoughts when you get contact and then they dont call.

Got a kick out of the message from your colleague... just goes to show how much it is about the energy we give out.

I will post on my thread tonight. I actaully have not done much with sis except watch tv. Hmm, I thought she would take me out and introduce me to all sorts of young men that are too young for me! Oh well, I still enjoy having her here!

brava

Thanks ladies -

Quiet night at home last night. Went to bed, then H called about 11:30 pm - said he couldn't sleep. We talked for about a half-hour. It was a good conversation...we laughed a lot. I made sure we talked about things that only he and i would get...you know, private jokes and things that have happened in the past. It was good. Talked about his work too. So, i went to sleep feeling greatly relieved. Just goes to show you what can happen when one pulls back and goes "dim."

Great to hear you feeling better. I love reading when any of us are doing well, even if it's just for a minute because these days I feel different minute by minute.
You seem like you're doing very well concentrating on the positives of what's left of your R and trying not to dwell on the negative.
I know for me, I have these moments, fleeting for sure, but moments where I catch a glimpse of my life should things turn for the worst. The funny thing is that in these briefest of moments, I see the positive things that may come from it. It is a really strange and powerful feeling, one that is usually followed by extreme feelings in the opposite direction.
I can't wait until I get to a place where every interaction with my W does not spawn feelings of dread over what may never be in the future.
I want to get to where you are, and I hope you stay there and move forward. Even though you still have your moments, I think you're doing great!

TMU

TMU-
Thanks for your kind words. It has been a struggle, but i have been at this for a long time (13 months), so i have had a lot of time to digest what is happening. There are times, like you, that i think about life without my H and realize, hey, i'll be okay, it won't be that bad. But, then, when i really, really think about it, i realize, oh, no, i don't want to live without him. Its a daily struggle. But, i will say that we are in a better place now than we were a few months ago...just a lot less tension and a lot more fun. I want him to realize what he will be missing if he D's me.

Although there are moments that i feel "unloveable", i do believe that if my M should end, i won't be alone. I believe that everything happens for a reason and one day i will understand the reason for this.

I have good days, and bad days. And the bad days hurt like hell. But, as i told hope, i think we have to experience the bad days in order to appreciate the good ones.

Thanks for checking in with me...your feedback is always very insightful.

Imdi,

Hi, glad to hear you are doing better today. You know, I have to tell you, you really do have a lot of positive interaction w/your H. and he seems to initiate a lot of it. The call last night, because he couldn’t sleep, was very nice. If I could tell you anything, I would say keep doing whatever it is you are doing, because it seems to be working out very well. I think you have a much better chance to reconcile than I do.

I really want to strive to get to a place where I just don’t care if he comes back. It’s like I have to part ways mentally with what I knew of him. And truth be told, Imdi, if I met H. today and he were acting like this I would not want anything to do with him.
If he does come back, it will be because he wants a R. with me and is willing to do what it takes for that. That’s the man I want to be with; not this cheating, selfish person who has broken my heart.