Hey, Spitfire! Ha, funny you mention that. Yeah, that's my sitch you're thinking about. My H told me he was so screwed that he planned to fire his L -- until I told him that he should think twice about that. I told him if he didn't legally push me outta the house, then I wasn't going anywhere, so if he wanted to get me out, he may want to keep his L. I'm tellin' ya, I'd prolly be a lot better off if I'd just keep my mouth shut sometimes and worry about protecting myself instead of my H.
I'll be sure to keep you all posted about how it all goes down. Thanks for writing; I take comfort in your words ... and knowing I'm not some freakazoid because I still feel bad about somebody who pretty much pulled the rug of my life right out from under me.
PandDBing- Sorry that you have been having a lousy week...i swear i think they all drink the same alien juice at the same time and then act the same way!
So it's not, IMHO, some supernatural willpower I have to move forward with my life. It's just that I don't have that many options. My H has left me with none
I understand what you are saying here, but i think it does take an extraordinary amount of strength to get to the point where you are at now. You may not have felt that you had any options, but i do think you have shown a tremendous amount of fortitude in getting to the place you are at...your strength is clearly evident in your posts. I am not saying that this journey wasn't extremely painful for you...just that you really seem to be handling it so well. I can barely do it now, let alone if i was pregnant. And i wouldn't say that your sitch is necessarily easier to handle b/c your H left you high and dry. While you may not have to deal with his constant comings and goings, you do have the added stressor of being pregnant while this is going on. So, i think it might be just as hard, but in a different way. I don't know if that made any sense, and i hope you didn't take it the wrong way. My point is, i just admire the strength you've had and the outlook you now have on things.
Hey, Imdi! Now how in the world could I take *any* of that the wrong way? In fact, I feel honored that you'd think of me in such ways, so thank you.
It probably helped that my XH (the girls' dad) left me much the same way. I was preggo with D8, and he left, like, 5 times during my pregnancy. Then he left for good about 3 weeks after she was born ... and moved in with OW. You'd think I'm a magnet for such sitches, and I've actually had to ponder if I am and how to rid myself of that.
My now-H is *totally* opposite of XH, though. And I spent more than a year getting to know now-H before I married him ... just to be sure I wasn't getting back into the same kinda mess I had 5 years before. I guess the lesson I've learned from this is that you just never know. The man can be the best darn thing since sliced bread and still end up a total freakin' whack-job. Still, that's a hard lesson to learn, whether they're coming and going afterward or just completely dropping you like chopped liver.
When I got home with the girls this afternoon, H was in the garage, packing up more things. When on *earth* will he finish that up?? Anyway, I didn't actually know it was him; I just heard a loud noise out there, so I went to check it out to make sure nobody was trying to break in or anything (H has a lot of expensive tools and welders and stuff in there). Anyway, I saw it was him and said something like, "You're all about some surprise attacks these days." He just smiled and said, "Yeah." I asked how he was, and he said he was good. He asked how I am (that's a first in a month ), and before I had a chance to tell him, he said, "Still pregnant as hell?" I said, "Yeah, pretty much." We chatted about that skateboard park. I asked if he had ever heard the name of the company that was planning to build it, and he said sarcastically, "Nobody's gonna build a skate park here. Is it indoor or outdoor?" I told him I was having a hard time contacting them, so I don't yet know.
I asked if he still had the original drawings from the art sculpture we designed/built in town last spring, and he said he did. I told him the public library would like copies. And in typical H-style, he started to drewl a bit and said, "Really? Why do they want them?" And I said, "I guess to display in the library." That, of course, made him beam. I told him who to get in touch with at the library. And then I told him I'd catch him later. And I walked away. Then I left to take the girls to tumbling, and passed him on the road on the way back home.
Really uneventful. But at least it wasn't hateful. We'll save that for court day.
The weird thing was that I was actually gonna take a little board poll to see if you guys thought I should call him about the library thing, since somebody had specifically asked me to get the drawings. Hmmm. Glad I didn't call, 'cause that woulda prolly looked like some lame excuse to be in touch with him. Instead, I just kinda sat on it and waited for him to come here.
Apparently H's L called my L and said he's not comfortable with our "demands." H's L says he doesn't feel it's "fair" for H to have to pay the mortgage for the next several months, and still have to pay alimony in the future. (Okay, so H's L is either lame or doesn't know the full story, wouldn't you agree?)
So my L says screw 'em. He says he's tired of dealing with them and he's ready to "kick it up a notch." He says he has full confidence that (considering the circumstances) any judge will give me what I'm asking for, mainly because H screwed me so badly and I'm being *very* reasonable in what I'm asking for in return.
I found out that if H would've just signed off on my changes (which were not drastically different from his at all, except the possibility of alimony), then we wouldn't have had to file our answer or go to court right now. But now, L says, we'll file our answer and send OW a letter next week. And we'll have our hearing soon thereafter.
Why didn't this make me as sick-feeling yesterday as it does today? Maybe because it's so real now. Yuck.
A little more ... and only because so many folks seemed interested about the standard of proof for adultery a while back when that was the hot topic on my thread.
Just had another brief conversation with my atty. I asked if H's phone records and my word that I caught H and OW together would be enough, or if I needed actual evidence. (He laughed when I told him I needed something to do this weekend anyway. ) He said we had more than enough to plead it right now. The only way we would need more is if the case goes to trial. Icky. That sounds big and scary, doesn't it?
Anyway, just thought I'd let you guys know. Why don't we have a "Court" section on the boards? Hmmm. Maybe that's what "Surviving the Big D" is for, eh? Also, Ls are a big DB no-no. Oh well. Since my sitch still includes OW for the time being, I'll prolly still keep posting here in Infidelity for a while.
Does your atty think you will get more sympathy know b/c you are preggo? Alot of people have told me that if I were gonna file I should do it while I'm pregnant b/c the judge will be more on my side b/c of being preggo. But to me it seems like what's th difference b/t being preggo and having a 1 month old? Won't he still look like a ass?
I’m so sorry all of this is getting so real. We’ve both had a rough day, so here is an extra hug for you. (()) Just a little interjection re: proof of affair. I have saved emails from H. where he clearly discusses what he did. If I ever need them, I can use them I guess. I wish I had advice to give you; you put so much time into your post on my thread today. I really appreciate that and I wanted to tell you again that for someone who is going through SO much, you are incredibly kind and together! Try to relax and let your L handle this. Remember, that’s his job. You are not to worry; he’s going to take care of it. All you need to do is think of your little ones and the little one on the way! Many hugs, Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
dontfret Hope you're doing well! I guess I really don't know the answer to your question. It probably depends on the judge, but I agree with you: Either way, they'll look like an a$$. Because that's what they are. I think in my sitch the "sympathy" stems from him abandoning me period, but especially while preggo, coupled with the fact that he is with OW. And it looks like he left me for her, even if that wasn't his intent. That's where his phone records screw him.
Hope Thank you so much for stopping by. And you're absolutely right: I have to trust my L. And thank goodness that I do. It appears to me that H's L is either incompetent, unaware or he's dragging H by his nose just to make money off him. I've heard of those kinds of Ls before: They know their client is kinda screwed, but they're willing to take on their case just to make money. And my H would be the one to fall for it -- took out a loan to retain his L before he started coming back around last month. H is the materialistic kind, and he's never had to deal with legal sitches, so whatever his L says is what goes. Oh well. As I've said before, I'm tired of protecting the dumba$$. Let him go in debt over a case he's not gonna get anywhere with. It's none of my concern.
Again, thanks for stopping by. I hope any experiences I'm sharing with you over on your thread are helpful. You know what's said about advice: Use what works and dump the rest! You're gonna be okay.
Is it just me? Do these L's not chat with each other? Am I doomed to live hopelessly in the fantasyland that I have created?
THE MAN HAS LEFT HIS PREGNANT WIFE! HIS WIFE CAUGHT HIM SCREWING THE OW. THE MAN IS TRYING TO EVICT HIS PREGNANT WIFE FROM THE HOME.
Is there a judge in this country that is not going to frown on this?? Am I hopelessly out of touch or is it just the really bad day I've had and the 3 Miller Lites that are clouding my thinking?
Please, only sane people respond.
Thanks,
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
In fact, I feel honored that you'd think of me in such ways, so thank you. 