With men I think that body image is not as important. I have seen plenty of guys out there with beer bellys that still think they are hot to the ladies.
In the early years of our mariage, before kids, my wife used to sleep in a tank top or sexy little PJ tops and panties, or sometimes wear lingerie to bed if she was feeling playful. And I'd usually wear underwear and a t-shirt, or maybe just underwear in the summer.
As our kids grew, and our SL diminished, she'd wear long night shirts, or old t-shirts of mine, still with panties underneath. In the winter, she'd put even more on, but she would still occasionally wear something sexy like a thong underneath, and roll on top of me and get my attention by putting my hands on her ass and asking "you like?", which would start a round of lovemaking.
Nowadays, she wears her "suit of armor." Old t-shirts or sweatshirts, sweatpants, and if there's anything sexy on under there I certainly never get to see it or touch it. When we come to bed, she immediately rolls over to the FAR side of our queen-sized bed, facing away from me, and never talks. I know that she wants to make sure I fall asleep, and that I don't try anything. If I ask her why she wears so much, she says "she's cold," and if I try to go anywhere NEAR her, she said "she's hot" and "you're a furnace!" and moves away from me with that little nervous laugh of hers. GOD, how I hate that laugh.
And she NEVER undresses in front of me . . . never has.
This seems to be somewhat common - the wife starting the marriage/relationship sleeping in a sexy outfit, then slowly evolving into the bed time suit of armor. I was peeking through Dr. Laura's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" at the store through curiosity, and found the chapter on sex very interesting. There was a quote in there from a married man that said something to the effect of 'why is it that single women show tons of skin, but when a woman gets married they dress like eskimos'. I guess the bed time suit of armor is just that - a way of protecting the LD woman against any kind of advances from her husband. Jeez!
For me, it is a matter of comfort. I don't know how to explain it, it just feels weird. H and I are actually fairly matched as somewhat MD (medium drive, I created a new abbreviation!) Both of us prefer to put something back on afterwards. As I said earlier, I don't sleep very well anyway, so anything that will help me feel comfortable enough to get quality sleep, which in this case is wearing pj's, is what I will do.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
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That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
Dr. Laurs's book is excellant. The only problem is it will only do good for the LD wife, and only if she wants to change. She has men(me in particular) pegged PERFECTLY. I particularly love the phrase, "Feed Him, Sex Him, Admire Him, and he will work for you until his heart explodes". That is exactly the way it works for HD men. It is amazing how many LD women don't get this, and how much they are missing out on in life because they don't get this. They truly don't understand that THEY can hold ALL the power in their hand, literally. It really is so simple to understand the mechanics of marriage, and yet LD women want to FIGHT nature. As Dr. Laura says, men are incredibly simple creatures while women are unbelievable complex. She is on the mark 100%.
She is also on the mark with LD women. LD women will only change when THEY want to and when they go through the process of changing the man must stay out of it completely, but worst of all is that many LD women can NEVER change. The process is almost entirely in the womens hands.
Roughly, the same process is being described here. You as the man can only do one thing, make yourself atttractive. That's it. 90% of the solution is going to have to come from the women, and there is not a freaking thing you can do to help (this sucks for solution oriented guys). We just have to sit by and wait.
Your looking for comfort in bed. What is more comfortable then having skin to skin contact with your spouse, either spooning or in their arms? What IS uncomfortable is her sleeping in her eskimo gear as far away from me while I sleep all alone effectively . And women wonder why men cheat?
So your spouse's physical comfort means less to you than your own physical comfort? And you wonder why your wife doesn't want to sleep with you....
In my situation, since neither of us prefers to sleep naked, it is not an issue at all. We can still cuddle and spoon and still get bare leg and bare arm contact and it is enough.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
You may think that the most comfortable thing is skin to skin contact in bed, but your W may not agree with that. I sleep nude pretty much all the time, but I cannot stand to cuddle when I'm trying to sleep....I get too, so for me, cuddling when trying to sleep is very uncomfortable, I simply cannot stand it...I feel like I'm going to suffocate.
My H on the other hand, would love to cuddle while sleeping...he loves to snuggle. But he definitely understands that I get uncomfortable....and it's nothing personal towards him. So instead, now....we make sure to get that snuggle contact in when we're on the couch watching tv or something like that.
Do you even realize how much you project onto other people? You think spooning naked is the most comfortable thing so other people should too? Projecting CeMar!
H always sleeps nude. I USED to sleep nude and maybe slip on a pj top during the night if my shoulders got cold. Recently I have been wearing pj's to bed. It really has to do with my new attitude of "it can't always be me who is trying." It probably would do me good to shuck the clothes again. I had just been feeling so crappy about us and crappy about my figure that I had started covering up. Now I am in a kind of limbo place where the attitude is "I will do my part and you, H, must do yours." So...I guess I will shuck the pj's again because that really is "my part." The thing is that when I feel that skin to skin I inevitably get horny and I have given up my job as the "sole initiator" so it is kinda frustrating at times.
Incidentally, we always snuggle before going to sleep but when we get ready to really fall asleep we each kinda get in our own preferred sleep position.
QUOTE ____________________________________________________________ So your spouse's physical comfort means less to you than your own physical comfort? And you wonder why your wife doesn't want to sleep with you.... ____________________________________________________________
This is the card that my fiancee plays on me - "why would you want me to be uncomfortable?!". I do want her to be comfortable, but at one time she did sleep completely nude with me (for a long period of time as well, I would say the first 1.5 years of our relationship). Since that time, she has gained significant weight so she might be uncomfortable sleeping nude because of her body image, but I can't see her uncomfortable in bed as far as actual sleeping conditions. It would be different if she never slept nude, but the fact she did at the beginning of the relationship and not now is a cause of a *significant* loss of intimacy between us (to me).
QUOTE ____________________________________________________________ In my situation, since neither of us prefers to sleep naked, it is not an issue at all. We can still cuddle and spoon and still get bare leg and bare arm contact and it is enough. ____________________________________________________________
Heck, I would be happy with even that. My fiancee is in the full-blown eskimo gear: Arm length shirt and full flannel pajama pants so no bare arm/leg contact for me whatsoever. I've honestly started to forget what she looks like nude.
