Quote: What triggered all of these behaviours in you? What blew out your flame so suddenly, without warning? Did you cut the EC and assertiveness at the first sign of the EA, or was it something else earlier
a convergence of events, that triggered my FOO issues. Lack of boundary control, egotism/trust, lack of education, incorrect/unfinished ideas on attraction --long term. Im human. Not some AI construct sent by MWD to make Stigmata think he is in a parallel universe.
Do you see something similar happening in your sitch? With your H? Im tired of dredging up mine.
Like everyone else here, I am working on my tendancies,and trying to change some behaviors that are too extreme. My playerishness as LFL calls it. playing with jobs, playing with money, playing with my life. Risk taking. I risked everything.... on one thing. gosh I dont even do that when its just me. I always have a back up plan. No marriage insurance though.
gotta learn to let it out in controlled, safe...bursts. I wont be able to eliminate it.
you guys are funny. When I said Home improvement, (somebody has new homes on the mind) I meant a womans idea that when she marries a man he is really great..... he just has one or two littlle bittty things she needs to change about him.
When a guy get married, IMO, we know what your idiosyncrasies are. we say fine. Ill accept these things about her. She isnt perfect, but she is close enough that I will choose to take care of her untill.....
Then the betaizing begins, the taming of the wildness, the home improvement. which feels like non acceptance. then the walls start going up. You liked me before, then I gave you 'everything' and now Im not good enough. The man is stumped. WTH. walls go up, then the need to feel 'close'. 'connected' whatever that means start getting voiced. Sheesh woman, I work hard, put food on the table, give the kids a decent home and education. What the heck do you want from me.
Quote: sooo are there any guys that agree OR disagree with what HP is reading on essence of male.. or was that essential maleness...
You're slipping. Or instigating... LOL! HP said LOUD and CLEAR that she's been in a FUNK all week... knot in her stomach, her sister has moved away... ain't no man gonna touch that!! (MC Hammer). You wanna tell me, besides YOU, who's gonna wanna take that on?
Quick lesson on womanese - I KNEW what you meant by home improvement and didn't respond. I definately tried that in my first M and am a whole lot more comfortable with letting H continue to be H this go around.
I was responding to HP's comments about being a striver because I think that women often get a bum rap about the tendancy to want more, better, bigger all the time and once again, some of us yes and some of us no.
Feel better HP. My 14yo is on day 4 of the flu - no longer puking but the fever and exhaustion continue.
Karen
PS Bf - ok so besides your own version of internal remodeling what are you doing to have fun and enjoy your life now?
What the heck are you talking about... Man my writing must suck. when I do instigate, if its aimed at you, you wont know it. so stay on high alert.... and just continue to play along. HP quit on me awhile back. It sucks. LOL. If its not, dont mess with my honorable intentions. Im not here to hurt anyone just open eyes. Not everything I say has a secondary purpose. Your gonna make me paranoid.
Since HP has been in a funk all week she needs a hug and some understanding. not me prodding at her. The hugs and stuff is NMJ, it wrecks my cool aloof exterior, so I thought we would just chit chat about stuff.
Comeon Corrie be nice, we are supposed to be partners, not arch rivals, M vs F/ BF vs Corrie. makes me sad, I thought we were friends now.
Quote: These two books boiled down men and women to two questions (which is always dangerous boiling down a complex human being to something simple, eh):
Men: Do I have what it takes? Women: Am I lovely?
I was asking if there were any other guys willing to comment on HP's reading material, about essential maleness. Needing to have value. If it is a common theme, then its a insecurity that they will be able to work on via perception change of themself, (self validation, other self esteem concepts, ways to 'know' that they have value and so change there attendant manifestations of there innerself) and putting efforts into any true lacking.
Gosh when a woman is down in a funk, sick etc, I would never think to try to make her feel better with nookie either. Thats a new one for me. <processing... always looking for ways to up the nookie factor, heheh. > and the second or third time it has been mentioned. I always felt that I would just be being selfish.
Also if HP is exhibiting crankiness, well-- a guy just wants to be left alone in his cave to handle his crankiness. So he is going to give, what he would want. to be left alone.
A woman wants group support. Maybe HP can convey this to Mr. H. maybe not. Maybe he will step up sometimes, but its not a normal reaction for us. HP needs to find some surrogate sisters IRL, and I say that with sincerety and kindness.
Karen I dont know why your name was on there. Maybe because you are funny... I probably edited out some other comment. It was an error.
your comment about women gettting a bum rap on the more, bigger, better materially.
ABSOLUTELY.
Men have terrible boundaries with their W, wont say no, etc and then feel like she is never satisified. A woman just wants a great EC. Men try to purchase this from them by saying yes to their wants. Buying them what they want instead of giving them what they need. QT. and security via lack of debt. NO.NO.NO. Say NO. No gets complaints but earns respect.
Thats why I almost never talk about the provider part of the attraction equation. A woman knows exatly what she is willing to accept in this department. (and I am savvy enough to see what it is, around here even, tells me even more about the interactions, and women in them.)
You cant fake her or your ability. So dont try to buy your W affections. Thats supplicating at its absolute worst.
What I do for fun. Read- on the road/on the job during downtime, interior remodeling of self, figure out ways to increase my 'perceived value' at job, then act like court magician/jester at work/nightclub on weekends. Workout, hangout with friends. Im not diving right now, but I alternately teach a class and due some related scuba activities. went skiing. Im getting to a place of balance, except with the eating. only getting about 2500 calories a day, need to double it. Still too slim. blech. Things are good, going to be great soon. Everything is getting handled, just hectic. play guitar while surfing here, trying to add more songs to the repoitoire. (insecurity from OM...) Goals, take voice lessons, see if I can improve my singing ability, (insecurity from OM... ) and sign up for college classes. took the GRE back in Houston, need to figure out a direction. Go to belize with/or to meet Chromo. <crossing fingers>
Lots of others, I am taking care of me, just a little overboard. not lost in funk. They usually last 5 minutes or less. Thanks for asking.
Quote: What the heck are you talking about... Man my writing must suck. when I do instigate, if its aimed at you, you wont know it. so stay on high alert.... and just continue to play along.
Oh, yanni cohannis... I love your ego. WINK <blow a kiss from me to you> You mean I WILL know it. High alert... uh-huh.
Quote: HP quit on me awhile back. It sucks. LOL. If its not, dont mess with my honorable intentions. Im not here to hurt anyone just open eyes. Not everything I say has a secondary purpose. Your gonna make me paranoid.
Would you friggin' relax... I put my Louisville Slugger away.. I even apologized for it.. explained myself, even, saying that I would have been much, much softer with you in person or over the phone, and that written communication definitely has its limits. Chill. We are both chillin'. Got it? Back to our slap-happy, oh-so-witty, razor sharp intilligent reparte...
Quote: Since HP has been in a funk all week she needs a hug and some understanding. not me prodding at her. The hugs and stuff is NMJ, it wrecks my cool aloof exterior, so I thought we would just chit chat about stuff.
Sweety, then HUG her. If it isn't your job, as you say... then what are you doing... KINDA SORTA giving her a hug? Sometimes you need to be a bit more direct and blunt... your messages can be interpreted in many different ways... and when you are a down and out female, we tend to put our 'translators' in the cupboard. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Don't hide it behind cleverly written words... which you ARE, in fact, good at.
If you want to give a hug, give a hug, even if it isn't 'your job.' And all of that is just IMHO, so take it for what it's worth... which somedays, isn't one heck of a lot.
Quote: Comeon Corrie be nice, we are supposed to be partners, not arch rivals, M vs F/ BF vs Corrie. makes me sad, I thought we were friends now.
I think you kick ass, BF. I have no intention of competing with you or rivaling you on anything... except maybe a nice game of chess (coupled with a few good glasses of wine)... which I would soundly WHOOP you on... look, you keep challenging MY intentions toward you. Knock it off, would you? Gawd, you'd think you were just recently divorced, slightly vulnderable, introspective... re-examining life and its meaning, everything you ever thought was true but aren't so sure about anymore... but unwilling to appear weak to the outside world, except maybe with a few close friends... but what's a close friend... now that you've been betrayed by one... hm.
stop stealing my frame. very nice script flip. almost verbatim what I was going to say about you in a previous post. Damn you setting me up then mocking me. I dont like.
we are going to play chess. oooohhhh yes we are. So get your wine ready. urgh I have to go to work.
MrAzz, I wanted to comment on the books I'm reading. The men...again, I have no idea if it's correct or not.
But the women I didn't really do justice on. It's no so much Am I pretty, as am I captivating. Do I capture and hold your attention? Am I the only woman in the room?
There is actually very little about physical beauty in the book and most is centered on Woman, as the whole package.
I wanted to clarify that, lest anyone think I'm more vain than I really am. lol
Blackfoot, the author was not suggesting any paths to DEAL with men's essential question, mostly just saying "This is what it is...this is the central question in men's hearts". He did suggest taking these questions to God but not eliminating them from one's makeup, as this is what makes us Men and Women.
gosh I dont even do that when its just me. I always have a back up plan. No marriage insurance though.
LOL. If its not, dont mess with my honorable intentions. 
Im not here to hurt anyone just open eyes. Not everything I say has a secondary purpose. Your gonna make me paranoid. 