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Blackfoot

I dont sense you are trying to be it either (whatever it is) so keep it up.


I'm not sure what your message here is, but I wanted to let you know that the Sawgrass Palmetto seems to make a difference in our lovemaking. At least, my erections seem to become harder and last longer since beginning to take the palmetto. I don't know if this is just temporary or due to some unknown unconscious thing, but thought you might like to know. The pharmacist I asked about the drug said it is used for prostrate health - keeps the vessels to the prostrate open so that the prostrate does not swell or expand (a common occurence in men in my age range (58). I assume that this means there is more blood flow to the penis and thus more sensitive erections, but I am only assuming. Again, in the past few years, I have noticed that my erections have not lasted as long as previously - while massaging and touching my wife's clitoris and nipples in order to bring her to orgasm, my erection would soften, due to the time necessary for the above. I was assuming this was a result of, as a urologist told me, "You're not eighteen anymore." So I don't know if the sawgrass is the result of this recent hardness (!?) but hope it continues. And thank you for the advice. And L'Shannah Tovah (Hebrew - Happy New Year - actually this is said during High HOly Days, in October, but whatever).

TS: It's "prostate," not "prostrate." Although, I must admit, there is a distinct possibility that prostate problems could cause you to become prostrate.

I'm going to have to get me some of that sawgrass.

Hairdog, who can't help himself, sometimes.

TSinA

I simply meant you werent coming off as being acerbic, taunting, or contemptuous as you did previously, despite my forgetting what MCP was, though I am the embodiment of it.... <I think an x majic markered it somewhere around here.... >

Im glad Ive been able to assist you in achiveing a harder stronger longer lasting hard on...... I think..... My gaydar is beeping again, but its only picking up me....

Seriously, thank you for the feed back, you make a grand total of 4 of 4 positives.

So saw palmetto is a hormone balancer, excess testosterone changes chemical make up as we get older causing various unpleasantness. As your doctor puts it, we arent 18 anymore. A little herbic, helping hand is in order....

I have eliminated it from my diet, it causes a very marked increase in my personal physiological need for release, (7 times a week and twice on days ending in Y , poor girl no wonder she ran away.... kidding...) and though I know that is a part of health and good functioning, untill I get in another steady R, Im just riding my depression and staying considerably LD. Its already overly difficult keeping the hounds on the leash. ( Im tall you say? yes well I noticed you have a .6 hip to waist ratio myself, do you have your recent STD test results handy?....< heebie jeebie, shudder> )

questions... rhetorical or not,
How much are you taking, and how long have you been taking it. after 3 months you will most likely notice changes in seminal quantity. I weigh more then the FDA standard human, so I took double what the bottle recommended. Im not recommending you or anyone else do so, just relating.


Another recommendation for better prostate function, and sexual health\ gymnastics is Kegel exercises. If your prostate is strong you can easily stop urination mid stream and hooooooooooold it. Thats not the point of doing them, just a indicator. Once they are strong it makes delaying ejaculation easier, if you so choose. ( I refuse to think of any male sporting activity, during sex. Besides I dont watch sports, my mind would just be seeing a baseball whiz thru the air from noone to nowhere.)

I simply meant you werent coming off as being acerbic, taunting, or contemptuous as you did previously, despite my forgetting what MCP was, though I am the embodiment of it....

Yeh, well, I guess I'm just condemned to sail thru this world acerbic, contemptuous, taunting, just like the Flying Dutchman, what to do? I've become immune to it, just like Alfred E. Newman.

I'm taking the one gel capsule daily, I don't know what the dosage is, but the capsule is small, like a tiny jelly bean. It's only been a few weeks, so who knows if this is the reason, but I guess results matter, so far. I didn't know it has to do with hormones; I thought the drug just cleared the blood flow to the prostate, but haven't looked at that in any detail. I don't like to take any drug, but if it is OTC, I will trust the FDA and not worry about any possible side effects, which I haven't noticed. Robin Williams has a funny riff about a drug that has "minor side effects, such as anal leakage." He says being visually a quart low of 10W30 is not what he would call minor side effects.

My WS does Kegel exercises, I think that is what they are, with small steel balls which she inserts and then uses in strengthening exercises.

I know it's prostate; if I took the time to correct all the spelling mistakes on the board, I would be even more popular than I am here now. I think thoughts get ahead of the typing and most don't bother to go back and check.

I simply meant you werent coming off as being acerbic, taunting, or contemptuous as you did previously, despite my forgetting what MCP was, though I am the embodiment of it.... <I think an x majic markered it somewhere around here.... >


Hey, look at this. A description of NPD (refer to ZFB and others who are talking about the NPD Diagnosis), from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR, a handbook that mental health professionals use to diagnose mental disorders).

"DSM-IV-TRspecifies nine diagnostic criteria for NPD. For the clinician to make the diagnosis, an individual must fit five or more of the following descriptions:

1.He or she has a grandiose sense of self-importance (exaggerates accomplishments and demands to be considered superior without real evidence of achievement).
2.He or she lives in a dream world of exceptional success, power, beauty, genius, or "perfect" love.
3.He or she thinks of him- or herself as "special" or privileged, and that he or she can only be understood by other special or high-status people.
4.He or she demands excessive amounts of praise or admiration from others.
5.He or she feels entitled to automatic deference, compliance, or favorable treatment from others.
6.He or she is exploitative towards others and takes advantage of them.
7.He or she lacks empathy and does not recognize or identify with others' feelings.
8.He or she is frequently envious of others or thinks that they are envious of him or her.
9.He or she "has an attitude" or frequently acts in haughty or arrogant ways."

Also,

"Other symptoms of NPD include:

a. a history of intense but short-term relationships with others;
b.inability to make or sustain genuinely intimate relationships
c. a tendency to be attracted to leadership or high-profile positions or occupations
d. a pattern of alternating between unrealistic idealization of others and equally unrealistic devaluation of them
e. assessment of others in terms of usefulness
f. a need to be the center of attention or admiration in a working group or social situation
g. hypersensitivity to criticism, however mild, or rejection from others
h. an unstable view of the self that fluctuates between extremes of self-praise and self-contempt
g. preoccupation with outward appearance, "image," or public opinion rather than inner reality
h.painful emotions based on shame (dislike of who one is) rather than guilt (regret for what one has done)"

Now, all those posters like LilliePerl and GEL and HP and the others have something to hang their hats on (you [that is, me) are "hateful, childish, deluded . . . ."], and some other things that I am too lazy to research). Just call me NPD-Man.

Interesting that this site NPD Page also mentions that use of SSRI's (like paroxitine [Paxel]) to treat NPD can actually reinforce ". . . narcissistic grandiosity and lack of empathy with others." I take a minimum dosage of Paxel (20MG) for anxiety. Apparently, according to this site, there is at the present time no recommended drug of choice for treatment of NPD.

Please don't think I am flipping off all the posters on this board and that I don't take them seriously. I gave up posting for a couple of months at the beginning November, because I had a day-long training at that time I had to present to some clients of our software, and noticed that, as a result, I think, of the massive cricitism from posters on this board, my self-esteem was quite low. And so, I felt insecure about how I would come across to our software users and whether I would be able to conduct the training satisfactorily. However, everything went swimmingly. The IT manager, the Office Director and Sales Director said the training was very useful and told me they were very glad they had arranged it. So, feedback from posters can have consequences (that is, my temporary low self-esteem). I just don't accept most of the criticism. And so it goes.

TSinAtlanta,

Naturally feedback from posters here can affect you IRL situations, that shows me that to some extent you hold some value to what's being said to you...whether you agree with it or not, that's another issue .

So, you gave us some info on NPD, I'm not clear why you posted it though (not trying to sound dense here)....are you saying you feel you fit into that possibility? Or was there a point to that I missed? I'm still trying to catch up on some things on the BB.

GEL

NEVER asking for help or sharing what troubles him, not to the world, just to me, likely military personality problem. Not when his job was lost, when his ED started, when he was going to "disassembel" my speakers to buy a new foam for them (he was going to take off the back of the furniture styled box rather than removing the velcro cloth face plate. help like that NO one needs. thats the most recent example)

Not responding to my advances in any way but disgust when he was hurt about his ED, meanwhile I figured I should be more teasing and direct to get interest, when that was in fact pushing him further away.

He claims to think of me, at the grocery he will get english muffins eg. Yet when asked, "what was I suposed to do while you were lamenting your ED?" he replied, "I dunno, I never thought about it." REAL TURN OFF AND DEAL BUSTER!

Having to beg just to get my back washed, yet we're making progress on having linament applied when I get all tense from work or pissed about not having my back washed...go figure.

I'm not clear why you posted it though (not trying to sound dense here)....are you saying you feel you fit into that possibility?

No, I don't feel I fit into that possibility. I just mean to say that it is striking how some of the characteristics of the NPD fit with the criticisms that I have gotten here. I read a reference to NPD here but didn't know what it was, so researched it. But, no, I personally don't think I fit the NPD personality. But I can't answer for the other posters on this board.

Hi NOP... I haven't posted here because I have been trying to emphasize the positives, but now I am thinking it might be useful to outline some of the negatives in order to troubleshoot them better.

Things that kill the relationship for me:
1. When H acts all energetic and happy to make plans that don't include me ( like scheduling raquetball with a friend) but acts dud-like when it's about just me and him. I feel taken for granted. He has been making an effort to add " together time" to our schedule..which I really appreciate.

2. When H gets defensive when I bring up issues that are bothering me...I just want some reassurance from him and the feeling that he understands where I am coming from, but often he becomes defensive and attacking. I know I can improve my communication style here so that he can better hear me, but when he doesn't, I tend to escalate and then a bad interaction ensues.

3. When H looks for praise and fails to acknowledge some of my contributions...again, I feel taken for granted.

Will stop here for now, as I don't want to get into a " bashing " mentality. I guess the feeling I am missing sometimes is truly feeling valued for who I am...just that feeling of being embraced and adored, quirks and all. But truth be told, I also hold this back on him, and one thing that I have learned here is that if I want change, it has to start with me.

This subject is one that seems worth re-examining, as is the related subject of feeling safe in a relationship, over in Newcomers.

"Safety" Discussion Thread


A continuing challenge for me is to stop long enough to listen with my heart to what my husband is saying, or not saying. I keep having to pull myself back from the 'not listening' mode every 2 months or so.

Slowly