My wife also does not seem to enjoy anything more than a perfunctory peck "goodbye" in the morning, or "hello" when I come home . . . both of them IF (and only if) I initiate them.
I miss kissing.
"Don't kiss me like we're married, Kiss me like we're lovers."
I have the unfortunate distinction of being married to the best kisser in the whole world. Unfortunate because she won't kiss me right now. But when she does....well...I miss it desperately.
"Don't kiss me like we're married, Kiss me like we're lovers."
Husband comes in and he said wife, Turn down the radio turn off the TV listen to me Let me tell you about my day So she sits down and she listens and he begins to speak
When I left here this morning I was bound and determined I was never gonna come back never, never I was running I was running from you darling I was running from my job I was running from the kid in me he never knows when to stop Got as far as the edge of town then I turned my car around And headed back to you
Husband said wife what do you think, wife said it's very interesting Before we talk about your day let's talk about mine and she says
When I left here this morning I was bound and determined I was never gonna come back never, never I was running I was running from you darling I was running from my job I was running from some wrinkles and nail cream well stop And got as far as the edge of town then I turned my car around And headed back to you
Come here and hold me, tighter Tell me tomorrow will be brighter Kiss me, kiss me a little harder Don't kiss like we‘re married kiss me like we're lovers
We looked at each other and we started to grim This morning it was over this evening we'll start in the loving again
Come here and love me, hold me tighter Won't you tell me tomorrow will be brighter Won't you kiss me, kiss me, kiss me a little harder Don't kiss like we‘re married kiss me like we're lovers And hold me, hold me, hold me
Here is something timely from Newsweek's Tip Sheet. It is #10 on a list of New Year's resolutions:
Pucker up. Once people are in long-term relationships, it’s 'as if they forget how to make out,' says sex and relationship therapist Dr. Laura Berman of Chicago’s Berman Center. 'Couples come into my office and say their relationship is failing, and I ask them, ‘When is the last time you kissed, really kissed?’ People will say, ‘Well, we don’t kiss, except when we used to have sex’.' Her Rx: smooch every day-and hold the kiss for at least 15 seconds.
For what it's worth, my wife is of the perfunctory-two-times-per-day-quick-peck-on-the-lips school. If someone does not want to be kissed longer or deeper, there is really nothing you can do. However, you can try kissing her more often. Add a kiss when you come home from work. Kiss her when she is talking to you and she knows that she has your attention (and watch her reaction: "What the h#!! was that for?" Pretty funny). Right after you get the perfunctory goodnight/bye kiss, go for a double dip.
You might want ramp this up gradually. If you do it all at once, she might think you got a loose screw. It won't hurt her feel love the way you experience love, even if it is not what ultimately opens her up. It will allow you to open up to her, which is just as important.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
We are supposed to be building EC with our spouses, but if they don't like to kiss, how the heck could you ever build an EC with them. Our wives are literally killing their own marriages by being who they are. Are there people out there that LIKE marriages without kissing? How bizarre!
Your W is not the only one killing your marriage, how dare you make it appear that this is ALL your W's fault, CeMar....it's not! There are many, many ways to build an EC but apparantly you refuse to see that....because for YOU, today anyway, the only way is by kissing. If you continue this way of thinking you will not draw your W to you.....you will not succeed. It's that simple.
YOU have just as much responsibility for the state of your M as your W does....start taking accountability!
Cemar, people build incredible emotional connections via text alone. Long distance relationships are springing up all over thanks to the internet. People are making and building emotional connections *who haven't even met each other physically*.
How can that be, if what you believe is true?
Your wife may build emotional connection by working quietly together with you on home projects. It may be via long conversations where you both focus on each other. Her heart might swell if she observes you being a great dad with your children. Tenderness might arise if she observes you dragging your butt off everyday to a job that you don't care for in order to provide for your family.
For you, kisses = emotional connection. No kisses = no emotional connection.
For her, emotional connection = kisses. No emotional connection = no kisses.
You come with some real solid advice, (not the first time either)
Quote: Kiss her when she is talking to you and she knows that she has your attention (and watch her reaction: "What the h#!! was that for?" Pretty funny).
are you in a SSM? or are you just a helpful lurker?
I understand that there are different ways to create an EC. What is imporant is that each person must UNDERSTAND how to GIVE the EC to their spouse in the way that the SPOUSe wants. So if I give my wife EC, she may feel great, but this will result in virtually NO EC for me. And she like MOST LD people, does not understand that EC for many people is almost entirely a PHYSICAL thing. She thinks that the way SHE EC's is the way I would EC, which of course is very wrong.
So I thought I would start with somthing SIMPLE that needs to be fixed. Let's assume that I have met her needs FULLY for EC. Now it is HER turn to meet my needs for EC. My need for EC can come through kissing, and often via French kissing. I want frequent kissing, some French kissing, and it must be done with enthusiasim (as should all needs in marriage for both spouses). Now realize that my wife tells me she does not like the way I kiss, especially with all the tongue. So my guess is that my wife does NOT like French kissing.
So put on your MC hats and tell me what the solution is to this simple problem. (believe me, there are far harder problems I could have picked).
(not the first time either)