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Chrome!
Oh no, NEVER buy those condoms. Unless you want the tip of your penis on fire and then to feel like someone could saw it off with no sense of pain from you
Although maybe it would help your W with the pain (come to think of it). May have to be the price you pay to get some of that hot sex
Well, you may not have asked about how it got in my mouth but you referenced it so, same thing My answer is I honestly don't know. Wasn't "down there" so I think it just got transferred from my hands or something. That stuff is nasty! I better go throw that box away before I forget.
Yes, uninhibited is the best sex. And yes, you should be jealous
I'm really hoping the AD's were only needed temporarily. You can bet the farm that I will be keeping an eye on his moods though. He says the same. He feels like a totally different person in a lot of ways and all for the better now. My resentment is almost non-existent so I am happier too!

LFL,
Great news!!!

Maybe his weirdness of a month or so ago was due to his coming off the pills...? I hear that it is quite trippy.

I'm learning all kinds of things today...there's tender sex and hot sex and rough sex and numb sex and bits-on-fire sex. I don't know...it all sounds too 'out there' for me, but whatever blows your dress up.
LOL

Remember to fill his love tank, too. I know that I sometimes forget when I'm so deliriously happy with his efforts. Can't let the cycle start again, right!

I'm so happy to hear that he is feeling better. I can't imagine trying to repair a marriage when one partner is sick, ya know?
You've been such a good and faithful wife to him; he's a lucky man.

xo

You've been such a good and faithful wife to him; he's a lucky man.
Ok, that last part is true The first part I have a hard time accepting. Slept with OM during S, and now that we are back together, it does feel like I have been unfaithful even though he knew exactly what was going on and pretty much ok'd it.
But even now, I still feel like I lust in my heart. Is that normal/ok? Still love it when guys flirt with me or I flirt with them. Still worried about my boundaries. A work in progress.
Thanks for such kind words though HP!
As for the AD's, yes, he admitted to having a few days beginning of January that were really hard for him. Once he got past that first week or so, he felt great.
It is VERY hard to deal with M problems when there are other issues such as depression going on. They can be intertwined of course but his was really off the deep end for a while. He left right? He shudders sometimes when he thinks about what he was giving up and let's face it, he is paying the price in many ways. We lost that year forever and have to deal with the aftermath. But, I really think we can be better than we EVER have been so that makes it worth it I guess.
I would hate to see our progress start to falter so I certainly will be filling his love tank more. Promise! Guess that means more cooking and, gulp, cleaning for me. But darnit! why is it so hard for me to do what I know full well will make him happier?
You do it HP. You don't like it but you do it. My mind is rationalizing left and right why I shouldn't HAVE to do it. He should just be happy to have a fun W that likes hot sex! But of course, the sex will probably always be somewhat more my need than his. If he really starts to step up to the plate to meet my needs than I have no excuse not the meet his. Darn it again!!!

"But even now, I still feel like I lust in my heart. Is that normal/ok? Still love it when guys flirt with me or I flirt with them. Still worried about my boundaries. A work in progress."

A VERY good question LFL. I guess you are good for something after all.

I am struggling a bit with this one too. As I gain in self-confidence and work toward making myself more attractive, women are noticing me. Just going into the gas station the other day to buy a coke there was a women that kept glancing at me and smiling, doing the whole "pull the hair behind the ear" thing (which I've always taken as a sign of interest, maybe I'm wrong about that). And since I am taking more of a devil may care attitude, I am more open in initiating convos with them. Not necessarily flirting per se, but definitely joking around. And I have the natural ice-breaker ... "how tall ARE you?"

I can see on the one hand that you don't want to give another woman the idea that there is the possibility of an inappropriate "encounter", but on the other hand, being more confident in myself is naturally going to spill over into the rest of my life. And as I'm sure BF and Stig will agree, women will just naturally gravitate toward that. And even when I am out with the W, I want her to see me being confident with other people.

So where is that line? I can think of a few obvious examples of what not to do, but are there some not so obvious things I should be thinking about? Especially in my case where there was an affair that will color my W's views of my interactions with women. I want my W to admire me as a fun, approachable, confident man. Having others see me as a likeable guy can only help us. But I don't want to make her jealous.

Chrome

Great post Chrome.
I once saw an episode of Oprah where the woman on the show said she "let herself go" so that she did not have to fight off male attention anymore. She did not trust herself to not stray and went about it in what seems like a strange way. But the more I think about it, I think MANY M people do this all the time. Gain weight, stop worrying so much about their appearance etc Why bother? You are M now so you are only going to be with that one person.
Of course this backfires because the the logic of letting yourself go to avoid the other sexes attention is also going to include your S naturally. They are no different than any other man or woman. If other people find you attractive, it makes sense that your S will also find you attractive and vice versa.
Thus, H and I have been committed to going to the gym to get into better shape. I can honestly say I feel better about myself and my body than I probably ever have. I also like the attention I seem to attract from men at the gym or where ever. Maybe it's a good thing H will be there now
I also can honestly say that I would love for my H to have six-pack abs that all the women love to gawk at. Really would not bother me at all. Cause I'd be gawking too! I'd never ask him to attain such a goal but you get the idea.
Ok, maybe I am shooting too high. But the point is, the better you feel about yourself, the more attractive you will be to others. With first impressions, a lot of that has to do with appearance. Feeling good about myself makes me look and feel sexier. I bet some of that is happening to you too. You are more confident in your whole approach to life so the women can see it oozing out of you Your height is definitely a plus too. Very manly.
So all of that will definitely have an effect on your W. I think it is good for her to realize or even witness your attractiveness to other women. I make sure H realizes it all the time
But yes, when it gets into jealousy territory, that can lead to trouble. Isn't jealousy usually about that person's own insecurity though? I remember when I had just given birth to #2, H was working with all women at the office and all seemed so much more exciting than myself. I got jealous even though there was no evidence for any inappropriate behavior. It was just my own feelings of insecurity and not feeling good about my appearance at the time that led to jealousy. When I am feeling good about myself, I feel like I am the hottest woman in the room even if that may obviously not be true. But I can be confident without being too obnoxious. The confidence is what I think men find sexy. Not necessarily my butt or whatever, although I have been told that is one of my best features. Not my small b-size breasts. And sorry Cobra, but I would defintely be offended if H asked me to get a boob job. If it's not something I can naturally work at, like getting a more toned body through exercise or whatever, than I think it is very inappropriate to ask someone to have invasive surgery to simply meet your ideals of what an attractive body part looks like. Ok, off that tangent.
Now I lost my train of thought.
This is long enough I'd say.

LustyMama,
I think you are a good and faithful wife in that you didn't say Well f**k you, H! when he walked out the door. Many many of us would have done that and never looked back. He IS a lucky man and don't you forget that.

Now. About the cleaning. Well, firstly I would like to say that I am just a superior human being and that is why I'm able to clean. LOLOL

Naw, this is how it really happened. My H would absolutely fly into a fury if the house was messy. Criticize me, call me lazy, start tearing into the chores as if he were going to punch a hole in the wall. This was after years of him doing the cleaning exclusively and then me quitting my job to stay at home with our firstborn baby. I took on all the chores and he wanted things spotless when he walked in the door. It was a LOT for me to handle--quitting my job, staying inside our 4 walls day after day, assuming all the chores singlehandedly, taking care of a baby, nursing. There were days when things were not shipshape when he walked in. He freaked.

So I initially started doing it to avoid his bad mood, his criticism. "Just do what he wants", I thought, "and he'll be happy." And he was! Every day at 3:00 (it has become a joke with my sisters) I am furiously picking up toys, doing the lunch dishes, vacuuming the floors, blah blah.

So he was happy, but I was miserable. I felt forced into it and to say I was resentful is a vast understatement!

But a funny thing happened. All this went on for a couple years, we had another baby and I thought wtf am I doing? Why am I settling for a sexless roommate marriage, wherein I do nothing but cook and clean and take care of kids? So I started pushing for a more equitable setup in our M. During that 2 years, he also started to relax and to trust that I was going to permanently hold up my end of the bargain--I would cook, clean, and care for the kids and he would not have to worry about it.
Then he started meeting some of MY needs and we both were able to ditch our anger. Prior to that, it really dominated so much of our interactions. We weren't necessarily fighting (though we did that a lot too), but there was tension thick, and always that feeling that things could degenerate at a moment's notice. We were on edge, IOW.

So time goes on and I discover, horror of horrors, that I liked the house tidy, too. And I didn't really mind the daily cleanup; in fact, I felt more relaxed when the house was clean--the clutter began to make me feel anxious.

So what began as me doing something to get him to shut the hell up has become something that *I* want to do every day.

P.S. You could substitute sex for cleaning in the above story and you'd probably have MrH's side, as well. Interesting isn't it!

That is interesting HP.
We have similar stories, minus the separation and your H willingness to let you have it about the chores. See, my H would never in a million years "fly into a fury if the house was messy". He would sit and stew instead
Neither response is great but your H response at least got you moving. My H response makes me want to sit back and have some more bon bons
I see your point about the clutter making you feel anxious too. I do the same thing. H and I just have different thresholds. I can let that pile of crap sit in the corner of the room for a month whereas he hits the wall in 2-3 days. I WILL eventually get to it, just not on his schedule. When he was out of the house, the house was not a pig sty at all. But I was the one in control of when it got cleaned and I liked that. I hate cleaning on my own, the last thing I want is for him to be standing over my shoulder waiting for me to do it. Ah, whatcha gonna do.
Marital Bliss.

Yep, his anger was a big motivator for me. Without it, I wouldn't be doing what I do today. I'd have continued to list all my reasons why it was unreasonable for him to expect that. (and it is! he's even admitted that, but he likes it so there)

You know, it's weird. Here is this person who finds it virtually impossible to state his needs, assert himself in any way, and yet he'd let me have it if there were crumbs underneath the table. (little kids NEVER get crumbs everywhere, noooooo)
Crazy!

Holy S. I just found my grandaddy of all thought stoppers.

Glad I could help Stigmata!