Well, the second offer on the house was higher than mine so the seller asked if I wanted to amend my offer to make it more. I did that today, but I'm at my max for this house (there are too many structural problems for me to be comfortable to pay more). So I should find out by the end of today if my offer was accepted or rejected. It would be nice to get it, but I don't think my chances are great.
House hunting is getting so stressful. Especially when I want out of my current living sitch so bad. I had another hard night at my mom's. S3 is throwing fits nearly 24/7 and my mom's reaction is to tell him to "shut up." I hated it when she told me to shut up when I ws growing up and I really hate to listen to her tell my son to shut up. Even if he is screaming like an out of tune banchee. But, his screaming and her foul mouth yelling and my brother's imature crap is sending me over the edge. Home sucks. I'm so glad my work isn't stressful, generally.
The sellers of the house I'm currently looking at came back with a counter offer that I won't even get close to. Now I'm mulling over offering just a little more than my cap (that I'm already at for this house) or just letting it go.
Thank goodness the R front has improved. I hadn't heard from H in a couple days until this morning. I was wondering if the R talk we'd done over email was getting to be too much. After I got his response to my future question, I did respond again with a little more R talk. Then I didn't hear anything and I got to worrying. I can see this is going to be like this for a while. I'm going to be wondering how committed he really is, and worried about saying the wrong thing. He remembers every tiny thing I say forever. He's worse than a woman that way. So it's so important that I don't say the wrong thing. But, maybe I should just concentrate on saying the right thing (Words of Affirmation) enough so that when I slip and say the wrong things, he will be more likely to forgive me.
I sent H an anniversary card last night. It's our 5 year anniversary next week. I wish I could think of something more than a card. But, we only celebrated our anniversary once and that was only because H found out I was pg and was being extra nice to me. So we got to go out for dinner. Every other year he was punishing for something by refusing to do anything with me, or worse, ignoring my existence. Hmmmm...I have some anger to get over.
Yesterday I remembered about telling H that for Christmas I wanted to replace my wedding ring that I lost 2 years ago. We talked about where to buy it (on-line) and I even gave him my size and the specs of the band. Now I'm wondering if I'll get something in the mail soon for Christmas or not. He is usually really good about following through on stuff like that and he isn't one to not buy Christmas gifts for family. I will be thrilled to death if I get the ring for Christmas. I'll be disappointed if I don't. But, not crushed. My LL is not gifts, but when your R is unstable, you'll take whatever comes along!
I was also thinking that it's time to go back to the DR book and re-evaluate my goals since the biggest one has been met. Gosh, I can't even believe I can say that now I've even considered going back to a C to work on my anger issues with H so I can put them aside and make it easier to move forward. But, I'm miserably busy with work and house hunting and other junk right now.
Other than money, is there anything else that holds you back from the house? any other contingencies? like how long before you could move in? you sound like you'd really like to be in a new place asap, and if the sellers have to move before you,etc, there could be a lengthy delay. What about other houses you've looked at? are there other options?
Can you talk to your mom? ask her not to talk to your S3 like that? could it be she doesn't even know it's a problem?
Quote: I have some anger to get over.
Definitely. Is it coming out more now that your R is taking a positive track? Issues to deal with that you've suppressed to get the ball rolling?
Shiny things coming in little boxes...overall, you're in a good spot. You know what direction you're taking. That makes you pretty dang lucky in my opinion!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Last Christmas I was still reeling from the shock of moving and still having those dreams about H saying he wanted us back and then waking up to the nightmare of reality. Just a couple months earlier H had told me in no uncertain terms that we had "no possible future together."
That Christmas he sent me a fruit & jam basket and a one line "Merry Christmas, hope everything is going well," email. At the time, there was a voice in the back of my head asking "why is he sending me anything?" And there was a louder voice in the front of my head saying "screw him, he just wants to look like the nice guy here!" I certainly hadn't sent him anything. No card, gift, or even seasonal email.
So, it would be nice to get a ring this year. I can't lie. I really do want to get it. But, I already got what I wanted most of all. So, it would just be a nice touch, not a huge deal.
Quote: Other than money, is there anything else that holds you back from the house? any other contingencies? like how long before you could move in?
Besides the fact that it was built in 1880 and it has settled really bad and the floors and ceilings are a concern, it had many advantages. Although I don't know how long it would take the sellers to move out. I'm rejecting the counter offer tonight, so it's off the table.
I'm going to look at another house in town this Thursday evening. If I don't decide to make an offer on this next one and nothing else comes open in town, I'm going to start looking out of town. But, that means a commute that I REALLY want to avoid.
Quote: Is it coming out more now that your R is taking a positive track? Issues to deal with that you've suppressed to get the ball rolling?
Yes. I'd say the anger started coming out a couple months before H came to visit during Thanksgiving. We had started communicating pretty affectionately. He was acting like a husband in every way except he wasn't mentioning a future together. Then he started emailing less, but his ship wasn't out or anything. I started getting really angry. It just felt for all the world like me and S3 weren't really on his mind. That's the good thing about being so far apart. H didn't see me getting frustrated like that. But, then his visit happened and later I finally initiated that future talk. And my anger subsided. I haven't been as angry about all the past hurts since. But, they are still there.
It's definately true that when we are in crisis mode, looking at the backs of our WAS's as they are leaving, we are too desperate to be angry about THEIR part in the problem. But, once you start to get your feet back under you and it looks like the crisis might be averted, the anger comes back. Not that I'm more angry now than I have been recently. But, now that I have some confidence in my sitch, I have some confidence to deal with my anger too.
But I think after a while of watching your spouse come closer, step away, come closer, step away, as you have had to deal with, you probably start to get angry even when you're looking at their back. There's only so much of this you can tolerate and stay a Saint. I think a lot of people on this board are here because they can tolerate more than most. But, even we have limits.
Quote: So it's so important that I don't say the wrong thing. But, maybe I should just concentrate on saying the right thing (Words of Affirmation) enough so that when I slip and say the wrong things, he will be more likely to forgive me.
My C tells me not to "walk on eggshells" during the visit and I'd recommend the same to you with the e-mails. Other than the affirmation, there is no "right" as what's right one day may not be the next with peoples feelings. As long as message is positive and anger doesn't come through, should not be anything to forgive. Good luck, only hours to that airport pick-up for me. RonJon
I'm sitting here at work and have PLENTY to be doing. But I CAN NOT concentrate! I have house hunting on the mind and I'm getting so close to getting my own place I can taste it.
My real estate agent called me at work yesterday to give me some great news. The first house I put an offer on has become available again! I put an offer on this house a few weeks ago, but my offer was secondary and I was told the seller's were closing with the first offer. So I moved on and made an offer on another house I didn't like as well...which also fell through. Yesterday my agent told me that the financing fell through with the first house I put an offer on. The seller's had already moved out and were really counting on the deal going through, so now they're in a spot. So I put an another offer on it yesterday and should hear by the end of today!
I have been doing a good job of keeping my hopes in check through this process, but now...forget it. I want this house. It's sitting there empty, just calling to me, "come move in right now, look at all the space and privacy here for you."
Boy do I know those feelings, want it so bad you can taste it! There's a reason things happen the way they do. Now the sellers are in a tough spot and might be even more negotiable on what they'll take. All good for you.
XXXX those are fingers crossed.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
To hear H say that he wants us to live together again AND get a house in the same month! It has been such a hard last few years. Finally, some good things are coming my way. Wow. This feels good.
Now you get ALL the joys of being a homeowner. Mortgage, repairs, maintenance, taxes...... just kidding. It's always worth the hassles. You also get space and sanity, a place to make your own, a place to make a home, space to create peace.
Really, congratulations!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I've even considered going back to a C to work on my anger issues with H so I can put them aside and make it easier to move forward. But, I'm miserably busy with work and house hunting and other junk right now. 
