every time you think a thought without any proof as to why he is doing this or that replace it with a more realistic one he didn't do the dog trick as it is too close to chrissie and he had to buy his parents a present
you are doing so well keep doing it and don't worry about anything else
I am trying to figure out if my M is worth saving or if it is just an obsession. Did anyone else come to this point where you have a gut feeling that it's pretty much over but you keep hoping?
he didn't even come to walk the dog today. I find myself crying everytime I come home now because there are no dog tricks. My friend thinks that this is a positive thing. At least he is not playing games. However, this means he has made a decision. He played games cause he didn't know what he wanted. Plus, when thanksgiving came he was all over me and very upset when I said I couldn't go. Now it's Christmas and he hasn't even called. I am so upset. I am about to call him. Someone convince me not to and tell me why it's a bad idea.
He was very upbeat. He went skiing w/ his brother: reason why he didn't walk the doggie. He kept trying to talk w/ me. I was nice and friendly, but as the convo started dying out, I hang up.
phew... glad he beat you to the punch. Sorry I was not there to lend support.
Arent our minds amazingly powerful things? So easy to take our perceptions the one and only reality.
Here is one of my favorite quotes (have it up on my mirror now as a daily reminder) from The Self Coaching book by Dr. Luciano:
"Worry is the habit of anticipating chaos."
Cav, you are not crazy at all, just going through some major stuff which you are trying to come to terms with and understand. I think you are doing an amazing job. Keep focusing on yourself and feeling centered and happy with or without H.!
big hug,
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
Well, I went to Best Buy to ge my friend a CD. The parking lot was packed. I drove and drove and drove trying to find a spot. When I finally found it, H's car is parked right in front of mine. PS: there is a Best Buy next door to his parent's house, where he is living, and this one is close to my house.
So I get into the store, find the CD and decide to walk around, looking for H, already beating myself up for doing that. So I run into him and his face lit up. He says, "It's nice to see you!" I say the same. He mentions he was about to go to the house to give me my Christmas gift. I told him not to bother 'cause I didn't get him anything. He said it didn't matter. He still wanted to give it to me; that I could use it.
I excuse myself to leave, as if I was in a hurry. He looked like a kid whose candy had been stolen.
So I drive to the mall, buy a few more gifts (a 180 for me - I would have driven straight home to see what H bought me).
I come home and H screams from upstairs: "don't come in yet, I'm trying to wrap your gift!" I sit on the stairs and hear paper shuffling, as if he was fighting with it. He finally gives up and comes to meet me on the stairs with a vary badly done job of gift wrapping.
I open it and it is a laptop. Not even my wedding ring was this expensive. He says he just wanted to bring a smile to my face and I start to cry. He cried a bit too but diverted the attention by talking about the gadgets in the pc.
We ended up talking for a little bit and I gave him a Nike sunglasses that I bought and were too big for my face. It looked perfect on him. He smile, "see, you did give me something." He said he gave me the laptop because he wanted to top anything anybody else had given me. He said once he saw the ipod, he felt relieved he didn't get me one, but got me something more expensive.
He said his parents were skipping Christmas this year, but I was invited to dinner. I told him that was not a good idea.
As the convo went on, he gave me compliments on the way I look and told me I should hurry up and take some modeling pictures. I confessed to him something I had never told him: that I had taken nude pictures (tasteful, mind you) a long time ago and that they were with my X. His face got really somber.
Convo turned into skiing and he said he would like to take me sometime, that as soon as the new year rolled around, we should take a trip somewhere.
He hugged me again before leaving.
PS: H said he saw me walking around Best Buy, but didn't want me to see him, 'cause he was buying the laptop at that moment.
Can't sleep. I keep having dreams of H. He called me last night, while I was at my friend's having dinner, just to say he was keeping the dog for the night and to wish Merry Christmas again.
My friend brought up an interesting point: the laptop seems to be a guilt gift. If it was a love gift, he would have given me something romantic, and would have stayed with me.
He said he was going to bring the dog back this morning. I am not going to be available. I am tired of him making his schedule and I have to work with mine around his.
It's strange that when H was acting angry and spitful, I had more hopes of a reconciliation. Like they say, the contrary of love is not anger, is indifference. H is not indifferent(sp?) but he is being plite and sweet. I don't see that as a positive towards reconciliation. I see it as him trying not to be such a bad guy.
I just don't want to kid myself. I want to be realistic here. If a friend of mine was in my shoes, I'd tell her she needed to put her feet on the ground and see things for what they are: H is not here, and that should answer all of my questions.
Another thing that has been bothering me: in laws didn't even call to say merry christmas. I feel weird calling them, plus I think it's their duty. They have been so absent throughout this. I thought they were my family too.
Carvarna Many of us LBS's Personally for us Left Behinds this time of year stinks. I am grateful SOME holiday celebrates family just wish I did not have to be bombarded with it but it's better than being bombarded with the garbage the rest of the year. Lip service is paid to folks as us.
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Is there any way you could either physically remove yourself somewhere to gain a new perspective or get involved with other activities that do not cost you money. If H is truely wishing to reconsile he may wish to join you but if not you will have a circle of real friends in addition to your online buddies. I see lethargy based on dashed hopes creeping in your life. I know that situation well.
This time of year for such things stinks but January the Christmas inspired volunteer help disapears thus opportunities to serve abound. Seems you have the time to research to find an opportunity that is a good fit.
Today stinks but Tomorrow is a new day and you can check out of the rollercoaster for a while.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
