Ok, I am trying to distance myself because he keeps coming back and forth, right? Right. He even said so himself: I don't know what I want. Next time I come around, don't let me in 'cause I can hurt you more.
So apparently he can't control himself. I had left a VM saying I had to work at 6am today till 7pm, so he could keep the dog for the day.
He knows I would be asleep by 12:30am, which I was, and that's when he called.
I don't even remember the convo, but he seemed to be crying and just wanted to know if I was ok. Wanted to hear my voice. Said he just slept all day.
I excused myself 'cause I needed to wake up in a few hours and he repeated he just wanted to see if I was ok and wanted to hear my voice.
So, thank you very much, I am back to limbo land. ugh.
It sucks (and it doesn't at the same time) that he keeps giving me hope.
But I will not call, will not pursue, will keep living my little life and trying to meet new people.
I came home in the middle of the day 'cause I had a break. H's ring, that was sitting on the counter since he took it off last Tuesday to do the dishes, is now gone (ps: he came home during lunch to walk the dog). The ring is not in the box we usually kept our rings. I wonder what he did to it. What's going on now????
Also, when I got home the dishwasher was on. H had never done that since we separated - cleaned the silverware for me out of the blue. Sometimes it would be overcrowded with dishes and he would not even touch it. He would use plastic forks in order not to help me with anything if he needed to eat while here.
I told you a long time ago that your H would realize what he was losing. Sounds to me like since you won't talk to him on the phone, he is trying to make you "notice" him in other ways. Men cannot stand to be ignored. He is searching for some little thing that you acknowledge that he still exists. WHat you choose to do with that is up to you.
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Keep being distant from him and maybe he'll contine to do things to get you to notice him. Really men are just idiots and they are acting SO childish right now! The fact that was doing even these little things certainly means something. As for his ring, who knows what he has done with it, but if he picked it up then that says volumes for itself! Touching the ring will only remind him that he is married!!!!
I know it gets discouraging (as you know I'm very discouraged), but you're doing such a great job, despite all the setbacks!
You are doing really well. I agree about the ring: he obviously took it. Who knows why, does it really matter? I really think that your sitch depends on *you*; that is, do you want this M or not? I think that once you decide what *you* want, you will know what to do.
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I think he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. Or quite possibly knows what he wants (the marriage) but doesn't know how to get to that point emotionally. My H said he always felt inside he wanted to come back at some point, but he never felt ready emotionally. He would reach out and then pull away. It's hard to find that balance of friendship without being too caught in limbo land. You need to protect your emotions while he is like this because you are likely to be at risk. But at the same time, not be too closed off from him. It sounds like whatever you are doing is working, as frustrating as it may be. I'd probably validate, thank him for doing up the dishes. You're doing great Caverna, as emotionally difficult as it is to be in limbo, keep doing the great job of GAL and trust in what will be, will be.
You guys are so great. You have said everything I needed to hear.
About the ring. It doesn't really matter what he did to it, but he took it, so whatever the case, he is thinking. You guys are right.
About the emotions (newwoman), H has said the exact same things too. He said he always wanted to come back, didn't want to let me go, didn't have the courage to file, BUT his heart is not in it (the M).
I DO need to find out what I want. Right now I want him back, but while married I didn't know if I loved him and wanted to spend my life with him. Even he says that I only want him because I can't have him. I don't even know anymore.
He didn't walk the doggie after work, so I don't know what happened there. One of his shoes is back in the shoe closet. I don't know if that means anything.
