So I've had a relatively relaxing weekend but I'm starting to worry about how my H is going to react when he learns I'm moving back home. Not that it's going to change my decision. I'm just tired of fighting with him.
On another note he's twice asked me about the fact that there were two wine glasses in the kitchen sink. On Friday I had my close female friend who I've been living with come over to my apartment for a change. I somehow doubt my H cares if I had a man over but it would be so nice to make him jealous for a change.
Oh, he cares. Believe me, they ALL say things like "Go ahead and date" and "You should try it; it might make you feel better about your problems." (this last is a direct quote from my WAH) But they are scared that we really will. Thus, the questioning of the 2 wine glasses. Imagine the thoughts that must have been going through his mind for him to actually get the nerve to verbally question you about it! My H. got very suspicious when I was out last weekend having brunch with Sassy. I think he believes I was with another guy! Good for you; I'm glad your H. saw the wine glasses and that he suspected something. Keep being a little mysterious that way!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hey SS- Just checking in with you this morning. When are you planning on moving back home? I give you a lot of credit...i've thought about doing that too, but i always chicken out. I hope it goes well...keep us posted.
Interesting that your H was asking about the wine glasses...they always want what they think they can't have. Gee, i never knew how predictable the human race could be...
As I sit here in my apartment with my suitcases I realize that I'm scared. I really wonder whether this is the right thing to do and I'm a little scared of how my H will react. At least I know he will have a house guest with him when he comes home from work tonight so he can't be too badly behaved.
Yesterday I told him that I have a lot of work to do this week and I need access to our computer pretty much every day. I told him the best solution was for me to move back. My H was not particularly receptive. He said that if I moved back he would move out and this would mean war. He would cut me off financially until a lawyer made him do otherwise. I really hate him for that as money has been an issue. I'm only working part-time from home and I could not support myself as it's a very expensive area to live.
He's also obviously either met with a lawyer or done some research on D laws. H now knows that if we ML or cohabitate even a single time it starts over the waiting period before he can file. He also now knows that I can't claim adultery as the law states if I know of the act and we continue to live together it means I've forgiven him according to the law. He said he could claim my "unreasonable behavior" because I bought a classic car we couldn't afford (of course he neglects to note the reason we have no money is because he spends twice the car payment on on drinking and going out every month.)
I hate the fact that use of our home computer has become such an issue but I work from home and I have few options. I got an old laptop from a friend which promptly got a virus and died. I tried bringing our desktop computer with me but I couldn't get online with the wireless network in the house I was staying. I suppose I could have bought a new laptop but it pisses me off that I should have to put us further in debt because he has some crush on a coworker.
I told him I would be willing to stay with my friend a little longer if he was willing to go to counseling. He told me he needed time to think about it and would call me later that night. I decided then and there that if he called I would compromise. If he didn't call I would move back and let the chips fall where they may.
It's funny how one minute he could tell me "I Hate You" and then the next ask "Do you think we could reconcile?" It hurts me to see him so upset and so confused. But frankly, F him. I just can't care about how he feels at the moment.
While we were talking Sunday, I was sitting on his lap in an attempt to seduce him. He said he wanted to but it would 'do his head in." Then he noticed that I had lost weight and told me I looked hot and could get somebody else. (As if I didn't know this .) Another odd thing, at one point he leaned in and smelled me.
I'm a bit upset that we didn't end up ML as this means the OW#2 has been intimate with him most recently. I asked him what the status of them was and he said they were just friends and they were just going out to dinner and there was nothing sexual going on and that I could ask anyone at his office if this was true. When I asked what that meant and if they were going out to dinner with other people or just them he said it was just the two of them. I replied that they were dating and he said "we're not calling it that." I want to believe him but he's given me no reason to trust him.
Maybe the reason I've decided to move back in this week is because I have several options that are coming together this week on the job front. I know I have friends and family I could ask for help but I would just rather not.
Right now he has no idea I'm home. He doesn't even know I have a key. (Fortunately I made extra copies and gave a set to a trusted friend.)
It sucks that he has me in a position where I'm scared of how he's going to react so I do what he wants. I used to be such a strong independent person.
When my H came home last night with his friend he was very surprised to see me. As he did not want to make a scene in front of his friend he kept things to whispered insults. Then when it came time to go to bed he asked if I was leaving to go back to where I'd been staying.
Finally he realized I wasn't going to leave so he made plans to sleep on our bedroom floor instead of in bed with me (his friend was on our pullout couch.) After about 10 minutes he came over to me in bed and asked if I was really plannning on staying because if I did then our M was really over. He proceeded to lash out every nasty insult he could think of and said he was going to cut me off financially and I would never see him again. Once he finished he asked me "so what's your decision." I replied that I was tired and he should go to bed and we could talk about it in the morning.
Funny how another time it might have left me in tears but this time I had to keep myself from laughing. Yes he may cut me off financially and yes he may move out, but it felt so nice to be the one in control for a change.
In the end he slept in bed with me and I believe he was crying a little. I would like to think he was upset about us but I know it was probably tears about his failure to eject me from his life. Regardless, I was very worried I was going to cave and leave.
I don't think he's ever been so mad at me. This morning he made tea for his friend and himself and none for me. As mad as he has been in the past he has never not made me tea in the morning. Oh well.
Hey SS- Wow, that was some interaction b/w you and H. I was glad to hear that this episode didn't leave you in tears - good job taking control. It cracks me up how they use the "if you don't leave we're through" threat. My H did that...stupid me fell for it, b/c i was so desperate. But, if you stop to think about it...how angry are they that they have to resort to such threats? I mean, really...get a grip! Reading what you wrote pissed me off for you b/c i have been there. Stand your ground!
Thanks Imdi. It's tough to stand your ground when it seems like it will just put you farther from your goal. But I was talking to my sister and she pointed out that I couldn't let him get what he wanted all the time. God, when did I become the mother of a spoiled child?
I guess I'm done being upset and well into being mad. While my H was lying on the floor I found I didn't feel even the slightest bit bad for him. No, I was thinking of how nice it was to sleep in my own bed instead of on our uncomfortable futon at my friend's house.
Tonight should be interesting as I think his friend was just staying the one night. Anyway, I'm planning to cook a nice dinner. Then he'll have to decide: food or fight.
I have totally experienced my H's selfishness. And i am so angry at myself for letting him get away with the crap that he has pulled (and not just the ow). Learn from my mistake...standing your ground might not get you what you want now, but in the end, i think you will end up the winner.
H did not come home until almost midnight. I wasn't surprised that he was home so late as this is his typical pattern. I was already in bed but I heard him heat up dinner. Then he went to sleep on the couch and did not say a word to me.
At around 3:30 a.m. I got up and went to the couch and told him to come to bed and we'd talk about things on the weekend. He refused so I slept on the sofabed with him.
Now he has packed a suitcase and I have no idea what his plans are. I've proposed discussing things but he has no interest. To make matters worse his b!tch of a mother is giving him money so he can run away. I'm so sick of my MIL handing him money every time he wants something. It has allowed him to never be responsible for anything.
I asked him if he would be willing to go to counseling and he said he was done. Then he said I knew what would happen if I moved back in.
I just feel really sick to my stomach right now. I still hope there's a possibility our M can be repaired but maybe I need to face facts and move on.
I am officially freaking out right now. I know my H is probably going to stay with a friend and he is going to get his own apartment as soon as he can. This means not only are we moving further apart, but I'm afraid this will give him an opportunity to get even closer with OW#2. He's said it hasn't gotten sexual (according to him they've just kissed and they are just friends) but I feel like this will soon be changing and I won't ever be able to get him back.
I know I shouldn't chase him or contact him but I'm afraid if I do nothing he'll think I don't care and will never come back to me.
.) Another odd thing, at one point he leaned in and smelled me.