"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."~ Benjamin Franklin
It may be true enough, but all the same, this is a guy who stood outside during a lightning storm holding a kite with a key attached to it because he wanted to see what would happen if he attracted a lightning bolt - and lived to tell about it. What a nut! He must've been a lot of fun at parties.
Quote: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."~ Benjamin Franklin
It may be true enough, but all the same, this is a guy who stood outside during a lightning storm holding a kite with a key attached to it because he wanted to see what would happen if he attracted a lightning bolt - and lived to tell about it. What a nut! He must've been a lot of fun at parties.
Hey but if he hadn't stood in the storm with a kite we'd all be sitting in the dark today.
Not much new to report today. Got a cute text message from my H yesterday. It gives me hope that he still has moments when something reminds him of me and he needs to share that moment with me. Funny that we didn't text much in the past but have started to do so. I've realized that it's now a way for us to send a message to each other without getting emotional.
I must say I'm feeling a bit pessimistic today. My H is back to drinking with his loser "friends" after work most nights. He's told me he's quit smoking as if I'm supposed to be impressed. From his perspective the smoking is worse than the drinking. His smoking used to be such a big deal for me. In fact in the beginning of our R it was a deal breaker in terms of my staying with him. I told him I wouldn't marry him until he quit and then he quit mostly for good.
But now I feel like his drinking is a much bigger deal. I think he actually wanted to stop but his so-called "friends" gave him a hard time when they would go out and he would just drink water. These are the same friends who gave him a hard time when he decided to spend Thanksgiving with me instead of them. Fu@@ers! If they were really his friends they would tell him to go home to his wife instead of being pissy about not having a drinking buddy.
Deep down I know my H and I will end up together but I feel like I'm making no progress. We are getting along better than we have in a long, long time but he still doesn't see me in his long-term plan. I think what really hurts is he'd rather spend time drinking with a bunch of losers who don't care about him than spend time with me. It also makes me realize what a lie it was when he told me the reason he stayed out drinking and didn't come home was because he didn't want to come home to me and the stress of our R. Well, I'm not home now and nothing has changed.
But now I feel like his drinking is a much bigger deal. I think he actually wanted to stop but his so-called "friends" gave him a hard time when they would go out and he would just drink water. These are the same friends who gave him a hard time when he decided to spend Thanksgiving with me instead of them. Fu@@ers! If they were really his friends they would tell him to go home to his wife instead of being pissy about not having a drinking buddy.
Hey SS...sharing with you something that I only just learned a couple of weeks ago about Dave. His best friend and I sat down and talked for the first time ever about everything that happened the past 6mos. He hasn't spoken to Dave since all this went down because as he says he got tired of the lies he was being fed.
I learned that Dave was actually playing Bryce and I against one another. He would go with Bryce and Bryce would ask if I knew that he was out with him. Dave's answer "Yeah, she knows NOW, I had to lay down the law and tell her I was going out with you whether she liked it or not." Okay...here's the interesting part, we never had any conversation remotely like that. If anything it was me who said to Dave, why don't you go over to Bryces...or if he was walking around the house acting like a miserable puke I'd say Hey, you look like you need to get out of the house, why don't you just go out. He was always wired when he needed a drink fix. Bryce, somehow started figuring out that Dave might not have been telling the truth and I now remember wondering WHY Bryce was calling me and asking if I knew they were out. Didn't make sense then...but now it does. Apparently, Dave had an issue about BEING A MAN with me. Bryce and I laughed, he was successful in for whatever reason keeping us apart. Now here we are very good friends and he's lost his best friend over all the deception.
So I wonder just how much pressure your Hs friend's are putting on him, or is he just using it as an excuse like Dave was? I never would have imagined this until I heard it from Bryce but now so much makes sense. Bryce even said that on many occassions Dave had told him Dude I gotta move out of there, gotta get my own place...but yet, at the same time we were planning on building a bigger house with HIS music room. Go figure that eh? So unless you actually hear it from the friends, don't always believe everything the H says. Boy did I learn that. I was really surprised. I asked Bryce, why do you think he went to so much trouble, wouldn't it have been nicer for us to all be able to hang out like we do know. For crimany sakes, Bryce's W works for me, LOL...strange how things work out, eh?
PS...I go out with my friends all the time and only drink water. No One has ever harrassed me in fact, quite the opposite they think they have seen me drunk, LOL...nope. I've had maybe a handful of Smirnoff Ice's in the past 4mos since I've been hanging with them.
Quote: It also makes me realize what a lie it was when he told me the reason he stayed out drinking and didn't come home was because he didn't want to come home to me and the stress of our R. Well, I'm not home now and nothing has changed.
As they say, the WAS will put the blame for their behavior on us until we are no longer there to blame it on. Then they will have to face the truth. We did not make them do these things...
I wish I could say he was playing his "friends" against me but I've snooped and read his e-mail so I know they really are pressuring them. They are also not really his friends. He works with them and he never spent any time with them before he started drinking every night after work.
I should also point out that those in the group he is going out with had all just broken up with their girlfriends/boyfriends before we started having troubles so they do not want to see him back with me and happily married. And, these are all people I have never socialized with. He is not spending time with any of his friends who actually like me or have spent any amount of time with me.
I've only been living apart from my H for three weeks and already I'm so tired of it, both physically and mentally. Before it was hell to wonder when he'd be home from the bars but at least I got to sleep in the same bed with him every night.
Now I'm finding plenty to do and GAL but the second I'm not occupied I start to think about my H and it makes me sad. I'm starting to feel like I never really knew him and it hurts that he seems to have been able to open himself up to so many other people recently but not to me. All I get are lies and half truths.
I just wish he would let us both forgive each other for the terrible, terrible things we have done to each other in the past two years and agree to start things over.
I understand very well. The thing to do is to try to keep busy, even at home, to take your mind off of things. It's hard, but time will help you, too. It has me. I want a chance to start over, too. I think that's why all of us are here, really. I guess some of these WAS's give them, and others don't. Not sure what makes the difference. Sending you hugs; take care.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
So my fake happy face in front of my H has completely crumbled. I guess I knew it was only a matter of time before I completely cracked.
This morning while I was at our apartment I casually asked him if he was planning to go to an alumni event of his that was coming up and asked if I could come as I would like to do some job networking. He got mad and started yelling at me for getting into his private business. I yelled back that I was supposed to be his friend and he never would treat any of his other friends the way he's treated me. I ended up not just crying but sobbing and asked him why he hated me so much.
Then I asked why he's acting as if our breakup is a foregone conclusion as this was only supposed to be a temporary separation to give us time to clear our heads.
He started to feel bad and came over and hugged me until I got my tears under control. I told him I was sorry for getting emotional as I knew it was going to set him up for a terrible day at work. He said it wasn't my fault, which I'm not exactly sure what he meant.
He told me he'd call me from work and we could talk. I told him I didn't want to talk. I said I wanted to be married again. I said I hated living apart, I hated sleeping without him and I really missed him. When I pointed out that I've been good about giving him his space and not calling him, he said yes you have been good about it.
When he left he said he would come straight home so we could talk a little before my sister arrives (she's coming to visit me for the weekend.) My plan is to not get emotional and just listen to what he has to say even if I don't like it.
I really want to think he's starting to back down from thinking our M is done, but then I have to remind myself that I just don't know what he is thinking anymore. At this point I don't even know if he really plans to come and talk or he just said what he thought I wanted to hear.
