Yoyo, great to hear you're feeling better about things. I, and I would think everyone else here, go through the same deal all the time. One day in the dumps, and the next spent wondering what all the fuss was about. Keep up the positive feelings and take care of yourself.
One day in the dumps, and the next spent wondering what all the fuss was about LOL...Really soooo true! I am still wondering myself as to why was I soooo down yesterday. Really don't know why
Yoyo, Glad you are feeling better. A lot of people on BB seem to be down now. I think the up and down stuff is our own private rollercoaster, aside from the one we are riding with our S. I've done the same with moods....up one day, down the next. You're normal! Going to the doctor on Thurs. He wants to talk to me about anti- depressants. I'm thinking about it.
Hang in there.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
Yoyo, I can relate to the ups and downs, too. I think we're very strong people to endure what is happening in our lives right now. Glad you and your H. had some positive interaction by phone. That is always so nice to read about!
hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hi YoYo glad you are feeling better and as everyone says we all have our ups and downs. You obviously needed that good cry (or several) so don't worry about it.
As for how you handled H whilst you were feeling down, I congratulate you b/c even though you were not feeling the best you still did the best thing and decided to use the silent treatment until you felt better and that was absolutely the correct way to go.
Look at how H reacted though, once again you go a bit dark and distant and he constantly rings checking up and even asks a sexual question, this is a pattern with him. I don't know if it is b/c he fears he is losing you at the time or if he fears what you may do like contacting OW as that does seem to scare him alot.
You keep strong as you are doing so much better lately....Kim
spitfire, hopefloats, KDU, Kismet, KDK - Thank you soooo much for dropping by. Sometimes I wonder what I would do without this BB. I think it is really a godsend, because nobody understands how we feel except for those who have experienced it. Friends and family mean well, emphathise but still would not really understand how we feel with these roller-coaster rides.
Going to the doctor on Thurs. He wants to talk to me about anti- depressants. I'm thinking about it Spitfire - Think there is a blood test that can ascertain whether one is really depressed. May be a good idea to do the test because if you are not really depressed, taking anti-depressants may worsen the condition. (I actually suggested on Monday that "maybe I should take anti-depressants" and got the insight of that info that if you are not really depressed, medication will make it worse)
I think we're very strong people to endure what is happening in our lives right now. Hope - Even if we are not originally strong. It certainly makes us stronger each day. I mean the fact that we can feel better even after the very downs, is a path to our growth.
Glad you and your H. had some positive interaction by phone. That is always so nice to read about! Still have the cordial phone interaction as of today. But I try not to think too much or analyse too much (although it may be a hard task to really avoid thinking about it ) into our phone convos or texts. Don't really want to deal with disappointment. If I expect "good" stuff and it doesn't happen, I get disappointed. So might as well try to be blase about everything (but keeping pleasant and "interested" in my voice )
Yo yoyo wassup? (can you tell I have a 14 year old, who would be cringing with embarassment right now?) Kismet - You know...when I read that, I was picturing you with a "turned wrongside" baseball cap, and having your fingers folded (in the "cool" way) and greeting me with criss-crossed arms kinda way. I can't explain these in words. But I am sure you know what I mean. Did gave me a tickle...
Hey down days are good as then we appreciate the up ones more True True True...and I was wondering till my head almost crack as to why I was soooo down and emotionally unstable on Monday.
decided to use the silent treatment until you felt better KDU - Thank you. Learned from your advice and Michelle. I guessed better keep hushed up rather than saying something to jeopardize everything....
I don't know if it is b/c he fears he is losing you at the time or if he fears what you may do like contacting OW as that does seem to scare him alot Mmmm...really don't know. He is soooooo unpredictable that I've given up thinking about this. Might as well, sit back and enjoy a good book or tv program.
You keep strong as you are doing so much better lately.... Hope I can keep it up....
Journalling.. Since my last post, Tuesday night....Can't really remember the details. After H's call about his work dinner, I sent him a text to make some funny comment about the dinner and then said I was gonna to bed. Half hour later, he called and we chit-chatted abit. And I said that I had to go to bed early....since going out-of-town for work. Said our goodbyes.
Another half an hour later. H called again. I actually had fallen asleep. Said he just got home. Somehow or other, ended up having phone s@x again .
Wednesday... Some text exchanges.. (H texted first) H : Are u at K already?? Everything OK? Me: Yes. Just arrived at the hotel. Blah blah. H: Is is better than you usual?? Are you gonna be back by Sunday for a f**k? Me: Hotel is very old. Blah blah Blah. I will be leaving tomorrow and will be back in the office on Friday. H: I may have to fly to HSK tmrw night and return on friday night!!! Going with boss and 6 other directs. Hopefully no flights. Me: WOw...so rush. H: Minister will be at HSK on Friday. No one wants to stay longer because of -ve temp....Should be back in time to f**k your c**t !! Me: Ha ha. No reply from H.
At night, when I was in bed...can't remember if I texted H. But he did call me on my mobile at 11 pm. Was already asleep. Had a short chat. Told me he is flying off on Thursday AM etc. Blah blah blah. Kept it short and pleasant and said our good nights. (Again - asked if I played with myself?? Starting to wonder if all we have in common is our s@xual connection???)
Thursday... Got a text from H at 7.40 am H: Are u still in bed?? Woke up with a hard-on. C**k really huge these days. Wanna have a quick f**k?? Me: Sorry....You are a minute late. ALready done. Hee hee hee... No reply from H but 20 minutes later. H: going to airport soon...have a nice day. Bye Thought this sounded like a 180 from his first text. Oh well...
About 5 pm. He called my mobile. Told me that he tried to call the house to talk to the boys...but no answer. So told me that he will try again later.
Called again about 7.30 pm. This time, he managed to talk to the boys, and the talked to me. We had a brief convo...told him about work. About my mentor leaving soon (this is a sad and shock piece of news for me) to return back to Australia....(Yes, KDU/Kismet - your land...)H asked me some questions and then ask "where are the offices in Australia?" Me: Presently in Perth. But plants may be in WA and Queensland. Tech Centre probably in Melbourne. H: Nothing in Sydney? Melbourne is very far away. (could hear his grin) (H's "so-called" interview over NY was at Sydney. Not going to ASSume or guess or analyse what lies behind these questions)
Then H said "I will call you in a few days. I should be back by Sunday. Blah blah blah" All I said was OK. If you ask me, WTF is with the "in a few days" business?? Oh well...not gonna be bothered by it all.
I am going to send him a short text (not done yet) to wish him a good flight ..later...just before I retire to bed.
Anyway, the news that my mentor will be leaving is quite a shock for me. But it will be good for him and his family. He has been working here for the last 2 years plus whilst his family remained in Perth. I will miss his wise advice and philosophy
One thing that I forgot to journal...think H is suffering from a major lack of self-esteem or something to the extent. Noticed that he kept "emphasizing" his d**k about how h*rd or how l*ng or how b*g etc etc. Don't recall that in our earlier years. Is he going through MLC that he is concerned about his manhood? I did notice that he has more difficulty in sustaining a er**tion pre-bomb and sometimes now. I think I was not very kind to him (verbally) pre-bomb when that happened and perhaps his ego was MAJORLY bruised!!! ALso, think he is looking for WOA ??? Been trying to do that during our s@x sessions...(so that it's not sooo obvious that I am "acting") because he always says that the normal me and the h**ny me are totally different. SO, I am using the h**ny me to introduce some WOA. Do try to do very minor subtle ones during my normal mode. H also has been asking me about his looks etc etc...rather constantly actually. So, as per my DBING mode, I try to rub his EGO..... Certainly needs constant ego boosting. .... Let's just see how well this little WOA works...
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