Yoyo- I have to agree with your GF. That's part of DBing, focusing on yourself. All this a@@uming sh!t is not going to get you anywhere so you need to stop it. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I'm doing it because I care what happens to you.
You need to stop thinking about OW. Pretend the f*cking bitch doesn't exist. Once you do this it gets easier to conentrate on rebuilding your M (if that's what you want). I know you have given your H until the end of January, but will you be emotionally ready to walk away from your H and M? To me it sounds as though you are holding a lot of resent towards your H for the A, which is understandable; however, in order for you to move on you need to let that go. You want your H to see Yoyo as the loving girl he fell in love with and married, and not some shrew who will be plotting against him if he decides to move on with OW.
Please, don't get me wrong, I am on your side. These are some of things that I did in my sitch and it helped me a lot. H and I have been back together for 64 days now, some days good, some days not so good. Learning DB skills has helped me a lot on how to deal with H.
Hang in there. Go dark if you need to. It seems H reached out to you when you did.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Kismet, Strong, KDK - Dear gals, thanks so much for your advice and your concern for me... I am indeed very up and down. Trying to detach but yet can't. I guessed I am holding-on till at least end of January. Each time I want to just say "F**k it", I think of end-Jan that at least I could do is TRY to be somewhat of a nice perfect wife till then....but it is soooo bl@ody hard when your WAS is behaving like an @ss!!!
Friday... Had the day off from work. Took the boys (plus friend's two boys and little niece) to badminton classes in the am. Yup..Felt like a SUPERwoman...with 5 kids in the car. Was quite a full day... went shopping in the pm with the boys (this time only my own 2 monsters). In the evening, while waiting for BIL, my MIL and I was sitting in my lounge when I got a call on my house phone... S5 answered it. It was H and S5 said "Daddy wants to talk to you"...and guessed what??? H said that he couldn't come back tmrw (Sat) as intended because of work commitments. At that point, I was rather calm and said "okay. whatever you say. up to you. Tell you boys yourself"...to which he replied "if you think she is here, she is not" and I answered "whatever" very very calmly without any emotions in my voice. Put down the phone and told my MIL. She was like rolling her eyes.... Anyway, had dinner with BIL and MIL plus the kids. Some friendly text exchange in the night between H and I. Nothing significant nor about R.
Saturday... Ooops overslept and didn't manage to get to my yoga. Went out lunch with girlfriends...then had dinner out at a restaurant with family (my dad's birthday)...Think he sent me a text? Cannot remember...
Sunday... AM - went to the supermarket to buy some disposable ware for my party in the PM. Boys stayed at home. Called home and found out that H was back in the house. Went home... prepared some stuff for our Xmas dinner. Went out lunch with H and the boys. Nothing major... Came home... not long, somehow, we had s@x and then had R talk...still the same. H still confused. One day he wants us, one day he wants ow. He says he has been sooooo busy at work that he hasn't thought about things...and he absolutely hates the idea of me talking to ow in end-Jan. That I will drag ow down in my talk. So, basically, I am not giving him any choice except to come back to me reluctantly..whether he is happy or not, he is "forced" to come back. Also mentioned that he MIGHT stay in the hotel or he MIGHT stay over at ow's house(WTF???) Anyway, didn't end in a good note... sent him a text to "go to her"...(I know..waste of $$ when he is just in the next room)...anyway, things swept under the carpet when friends started arriving at our house for the party. Party was great. This other friend (we all picked him to be the Santa because he has never really done anything for the kids so far...) dressed up as Santa and gave pressies to the kids. After the party, had my family Xmas dinner... H was around... acted "pseudo-normal" in front of my grandma, dad, mom and siblings...After dinner, my parents left and SIL/BIL stayed behind for chats...H did not join in...he was upstairs in the bedroom, watching telly or whatever. This is his sister we are talking about!! My SIL says "My brother looks like a dead zombie that is walking about without a soul. I look at your family pix. He looked sooo happy, and now, I see him..souless..really like a dead person".
SIL told me that she just had a chat with her friend (let's call her SF) who is visiting from Down Under. SF knew ow from school days through to uni. And apparently ow has been manipulating men to get what she wants since school days...ie...when she was still in her teens. And continued to do so in her uni days and also her working adult life. ow is soooooo professional in manipulating men to get what she wants that we will be no fight for her. And once the men has exhaust their usefulness, she will flick them off. And, yes, she could manipulate men to actually buy her a BMW!!! (Btw, the story about her BMW being a gift from one of her male conquest actually came from a different source). So...what do I do? Continue to be patient and understanding??? But till when? I can't help him if he willingly wants to be sucked into ow's web..
Anyway, H left to play poker over at friend's place.
This morning, Monday... We had a little spat (very very short one) and then sort of again sweep under carpet. Went out breakfast with the boys. Was rather "normal"... H went on to talk about his poker game the night before. We went back home and boys had a fight in the car. H started screaming and shouting at the boys. I know I shouldn't have but I interjected and said "you are leaving soon so please don't shout at my boys." Anyway, I started to discipline the boys and was still doing it on my porch. H then sort of told me to do it inside the house. Think he felt a little bit awkward...Anyway, he said he was gonna take a cab to the station ...very insistent of taking a cab. (@ssuming that he needed to go to ow???)As he was leaving, I noticed his unfinished pack of cigarettes and reminded him to take it. He answered "I'm stopping!". And I was like "as if. That's what I heard 10 months ago. Take it. You'll spend money to buy a new pack". And he repeated "I'm stopping!". So, we'll see if he really stops.
When he was getting into the cab, was like telling "I'll see you at my sister's wedding and close the gate. Close the gate". And again "close the gate"...I don't know why he was sooooo obsessed in me closing the gate. ANyway...that's our little encounter over the Xmas holidays...
Oh yeah...I'm using one of H's old mobile phones...and guess what?? There are like love messages from ow to H. And also had a pix of ow. I showed the pix to my friend and she said "don't you actually feel good after looking at the pix?" ....I guessed I have to say that she is really nothing to shout about. Showed it to my SIL too.....again...same comments. I guessed she must either be very very good in bed (errr...maybe not...otherwise H will not be looking for me??? Plus she absolutely has NO boobs) or maybe she makes him feel really good emotionally?? Be the damsel in distress?? I have to say that I am a rather independent woman...definitely not the helpless kind. And as my friend says...ALL men love women who are "helpless" and need to be "rescued" by them.
Oh.....just want to journal that gave H a little keychain with the boys' faces engraved onto it. He openned his pressie before he came back and texted me "saw the keychain. Very nice. Gonna use it now"....but I didn't actually see if he was using it when he came back.
Also, think H felt "guilty" after our s@x session on Xmas day. Think that he felt that he was "unfaithful" to ow. LOL... But yet he couldn't stop himself with me?? Also, think he didn't want to stay in our house because he was guilty and that he was AFRAID that ow would find out. (Anyway, he did stay overnight in our house)....Think he told ow that we have "separated" since 4 months ago or longer!!! Gosh...how fun it would be if ow were to find out that I have been to Country X a couple of times and slept on HER bed, and that he has been back home to sleep next to me!!! ...I know I sound terrible...but am just sooooo yoyo-ing. Want to detach, but can't. Want to let go, but can't. Want to fight ow, but can't.... don't know.... just counting down I guessed... But then, gonna see H again in 2 week's time, at his sister's wedding...BETTER NOT expect anything....lest be disappointed again.
Yoyo ~ it amazes me that you keep on keeping on like that little Duracell Bunny. (oh my ~ just had a very wicked thought on a new ad campaign that Duracell could do involving rabbits of a very adult kind with rabbits hopping all over the place, and one outlasting the others ) Been too long.
I would be a mess having to deal with H coming and going, and throwing s@x into the picture as well.
Also, think H felt "guilty" after our s@x session on Xmas day. Think that he felt that he was "unfaithful" to ow. LOL Aaaw ~ poor baby. Tell me do you leave any telltale marks on H, just to let her know
That BMW story made me laugh. My brother went out with a psycho thing for a while and she was a mess. During this time, she kept going back to her ex who was a cheating ba$tard but had a hold on her. At one stage he said to her " If you learn to play tennis and buy me a BMW (top of the range), I will take you back". She did, and he zoomed off into the sunset as soon as he had the keys in his grubby little hand. Brother saw her for a while but she was really loopy. Scary thing is she now works in Air Traffic and really shouldn't be in charge of landing planes (Sorry blatant hijack)
No advice at all. I am just amazed that you have the strength to do this. Love the keyring thing.
Now about that phone thing, what would happen if you accidently forwarded those messages back to ow No, only joking. I need to find an outlet for my bitchy tendancies
it amazes me that you keep on keeping on like that little Duracell Bunny. Yeap...I am amazed too. So is everyone else. Everytime I find that I wanna give up, I kinda swallow all the sorrow and disappointments and hurt and anger, and try to perservere....till end Jan at least.
I would be a mess having to deal with H coming and going, and throwing s@x into the picture as well. The s@x I could handle. Heck..my hormones are so raging that I could block all out and just enjoy the s@x...at least I get something fulfilled without being unfaithful like that @sshole. I am starting to have notti dreams about hunks these days... notti notti yoyo. It's H's coming and going that is a little hard to handle. Difficult to comprehend. Guess "normal" folks like us just cannot understand one who is controlled by aliens. I did notice H being rather "distant" this trip as compared to the last weekend before. Mmmmm...wonder why...
she kept going back to her ex who was a cheating ba$tard but had a hold on her Mmmmm....the b@stard has the "gift" of manipulation.... And unfortunately in my sitch, ow is the one having the gift to have a hold on my @sshole of a husband. LOL... Everyone is rather amazed that ow can actually manipulate men to give her what she wants. Believe me, she is really really ordinary looking. Mmm...maybe "ordinary" is IN.
Love the keyring thing Thought that it was rather nice... gave one to my mom and another to my MIL too. My mom absolutely was thrilled with it. MIL - she went away for Xmas ...so don't know her reaction on the gift yet. As for H, when I gave his to him ...I said "It's not Prada!". (ow LOOOOVVVEEESS PRADA...and if you tell me, she doesn't have the designer looks to carry it off. SHe might as well use fakies.... - SOrry....need to thrash her a bit over here...)
Now about that phone thing, what would happen if you accidently forwarded those messages back to ow No, only joking. I need to find an outlet for my bitchy tendancies Oh...ow actually took a pix of my H lounging on some kind of beanbag at work and she typed "working in office!!" as a kind of a cheeky comment and wanted to send it to herself...but the action failed and that's why the pix is still in the phone. I could and was rather tempted to call her...but am holding on, waiting patiently till end-Jan.
Anyway, H didn't buy me a new phone for Xmas as he said he would. MMmmm why am I not surprised?? Went out to buy a new phone for myself, and then texted him "I bought a XYZ model at $. Thanks for the phone"...He actually replied with a "YOu are welcome". I am gonna MINUS the phone costs from the monthly $$ that he sents.... Of course I will.
Sent him another text before I went to bed...no reply. Oh well... Let's see ...COuntdown begins....
Drama, drama, drama. Just reading your sitch exhausted me. I don't know how you do it, you are amazing!!!
Mmm...maybe "ordinary" is IN
I think you nailed it right there. For some WAS, looks is not necessarily an attraction to them (as it was in my sitch, OW was totally plain). It's the emotional part that have our WAW's attracted to another.
I did notice H being rather "distant" this trip as compared to the last weekend before. Mmmmm...wonder why...
Could it be the guilt or remorse he may have for not being around his sons and being a faithful H to you during these holidays? I know we are not supposed assume what WAS are thinking but sometimes it helps me (or maybe is just denial on my part) to get through the day. I always try to find the positive rather than the negative, with the negative thinking it does not help me.
The OW sounds like a blood sucking leech and doesn't care who she hurts to get what she wants. The sad thing is H is drawn to her, will give her what she wants, and when she dumps his ass for another conquest this may end up hurting not only him, but you and the boys financially. What a f*cking b!tch. Sorry.
Have a happy new year!!!!
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Drama, drama, drama. Just reading your sitch exhausted me. Yeah...sounds like some kind of soap opera. H is soooo yoyo-ing and coupled with my own yoyo-ing ...we are the YOYO champions!! And I have to admit that it is rather exhausting. But as Kismet says...I am like a Duracell battery.....
It's the emotional part that have our WAW's attracted to another. True...worse now as I found out that ow is a MASTER manipulator of Men. My H is entrapped in her web....
did notice H being rather "distant" this trip as compared to the last weekend before. Mmmmm...wonder why... I know why now...SIL came over to pick her daughter yesterday(temporarily being baby-sat by my parents) and she told me that she actually texted her brother about two days before he came back for Xmas. Something like "Please be careful. Ppl from M knows her". He texted back "You don't know her...blah blah blah". and SIL texted back "Yes, I don't know her. But ppl know her. You just be careful" or something like that. That could be why he was acting rather distant and defensive of ow when he was back, and didn't really talk to his sister over Xmas dinner.
The OW sounds like a blood sucking leech and doesn't care who she hurts to get what she wants. The sad thing is H is drawn to her, will give her what she wants, and when she dumps his ass for another conquest this may end up hurting not only him, but you and the boys financially. What a f*cking b!tch. Sorry. Firstly, NO need to say SORRY. She is a F@cking B!tch with a Capital F and a Capital B!!! Yes, she is indeed a blood sucking leech. My SIL was telling me that she just very briefly mentioned to her friend SF (from my last post) that her bro now is messing about....with a girl named E. And SF herself, piped up and asked "EL? EL from XYZ school?" and proceeded to tell my SIL about her antics from school and in uni. Apparently, ow managed to manipulate a man to get her a permanent residency in the country (where she went to uni) and two days later, flicked him off. That was around 7 years ago. Sooo..she is one MASTER and PROFESSIONAL at work. I really wonder what she is after in my H. Perhaps she realised that she can't be manipulating men and flicking them off for long (she is not exactly young) and she is trying to just get some poor sucker of a sod to marry her ?? And that sod has to be my dumb@ss of a H. I don't know... My other friend (no relation to SF or my SIL) says that ow openly brags about her conquests ...her ability to get men, and even talks about my H. AND my friend tells me that she is still galavanting around town with other men. My friend was like saying "if he is getting her exclusively, at least something. But the fact that she is still going around with others... Only your H is soo stupid to share. I thought men don't like to share???" Only my stupid dumb@ss of a H is soooo dumb. Defintely can't tell him so...he'll say "ppl are jealous of her..trying to defame her blah blah blah"...so might as well just keep my mouth shut. *sigh*...I mean almost the whole world knows of her antics, only my H is soooooo blind.
Journalling... Two missed calls from H in the evening, and then he sent me a text to tell me that he called but no answer. He will call tmrw to talk to boys. I know I shouldn't have but did text H on some R issues. He texted back and said he'll call in 10 minutes. When phone rang, asked the boys to answer and they spoke to him. Then S5 called out to me "dad wants to speak to you". Spoke to H....he sounded rather "normal"...not angry at all. Talked about some of his work issues then ended call. SOme further text exchanges between us. Non earth-shaking. Oh...but I did send him a text "for what it's worth, I still love you...if it means anything to you..."
This morning, did send him a text to remind him on some practicalities and also asked what he wants to get for his sister's wedding. He texted back telling me that it was up to me..
That's it... don't want to analyze...getting me no where with that. I think I will start back with some rules/goals.
* Back to ACTING AS-IF all is okay * Do NOT say NO when H says he will call me * Be CHEERFUL * Be POSITIVE * Be PLEASANT * Be PATIENT * DETACH, DETACH, DETACH.... * STOP being sarcastic * STOP being negative
Gandhi's Quote (Courtesy of Pregnant&Dbing)...liked it very much...so, will paste it here...
It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.
As long as I am doing the right thing, being true to myself....ALL will be OKAY....
Yoyo are you ok honey. Let us know how things are. 
) Been too long.
notti notti yoyo. It's H's coming and going that is a little hard to handle. Difficult to comprehend. Guess "normal" folks like us just cannot understand one who is controlled by aliens. I did notice H being rather "distant" this trip as compared to the last weekend before. Mmmmm...wonder why...
And I have to admit that it is rather exhausting. But as Kismet says...I am like a Duracell battery.....