Hopefully...this will be the last thread entitled "Still Yoyo-ing About..." Six more weeks to go to my January Deadline...then my new thread will be named "A new Beginning" or SOmething to that extent...
Yoyo maybe your H meant you are being very noisy b/c one minute you said you would give him till Jan and then the next you have changed your mind again. You really are Yo-yoing at the moment alot more than usual.
My only advice is to stop thinking things and then acting straight away with a text to H, when you think of something really give it an hour or two b4 texting H and see if the need to text him subsides a bit. I would try to just GAL and as I said be nice when he contacts you. Just get on with things for the moment and see what he does and then if January comes and he has done nothing then tell him the deadline is up and ask what he is doing???
Just my opinion and it might not work for you.
((((((()))))))) Hugs to you it is all very hard I know...KDU
Kim/Kismet - I know that I've been yoyo-ing alot. Just maybe perhaps I know the deadline is drawing near, and am trying to "protect" myself? Things really are not going well overall. S5 got admitted into the hospital yesterday (Tuesday) for wheezing and is still there. May stay another night. I don't know...Basically, I am all stressed out and zombie-fied. Plus I don't know what brought-on an outburst from my dad on Monday night over X'mas dinner. I was actually rather upset but kept my cool...and just let him go on a rampage. How I really feel? Well, I think I have enough on my plate that I don't need some kiddie tantrum throwing coming from a grown-up!!!! He was just sooo crazy!!! But I let him be. So, really really stressed out.... Had another "discussion" with H on Monday night too...didn't end too well. So, Tuesday - I tried to minimise contact with H. When S5 was admitted to the hospital, I texted him "Not that you can do anything, S5 is admitted to hospital". H called and screamed into my ear "What do you mean that it's not my business? Blah blah blah"... I spoke to him blah blah blah and then texted him "Before you start accusing me, please read properly. I wrote "Not that you can do anything...NOT not that its' your business" to which he replied with a meek "OK". H texted again later to ask about S5, to which I ignore. THen he called 2 hours later. I couldn't hear (phone gone real whacko) and so he called my mom's mobile. I quickly went away to hide in the bathroom - hopefullly that I don't have to speak to him,..so he spoke to S5 then S8 and then wanted to speak to me... So, talked to him about S5.
This morning (Wed), he texted to ask about S5 which I ignored. Then he called...I updated him on the status and told him doc has not seen S5 this morning yet...and "instructed" me that I should update him once I hear anything from the doc. So, when the doc came, I sent him a short update. So, that's it...
Basically, am trying to just lead my life as normally and as calmly as possible without dragging into any verbal fights with H. Counting days to January... I am trying very hard to control my anger lately... H kept on saying all that I think of is money. What am I supposed to talk to him about? He doesn't give us his time, he doesn't give us his love, he doesn't give us his attention nor his commitment to anything.... All he does is the monthly $$. IS there anything else that I can talk to him about??? When the boys need a hug, is he there to give one? When the boys want a story, is he there to tell them one? When the boys are ill, is he there to nurse them? When the boys are afraid, is he there to comfort them? Basically, he thinks he IS their father...but what has he done to deserve being called a father?? Just because he pays for stuff?? I need to confront all these anger that I have and put it all behind me...but at this moment, being in limbo, it is not possible to put it behind me.... *sigh* 5 1/2 weeks to deadline.... I just have to perservere and both he and I hopefully can be free... Read in Beth's thread about passive/aggressive behaviour... I think that's what's with my H.... At the deadline, he could say that I made the decision not him... Well, as I have said many times...I will still not be the one to file for D. From then on, I will make the decision to lead my life alone, to bring up my children alone... and to work him out of my life. I think I have enough support to deal with H for me, when it comes to visitation of the boys. I am just sooo tired. I need closure. I know life will still be okay... Funny, MIL came over to see S5 last night..and we ended up talking and she said "It's definitely not the end of the world. You will survive! I've never thought that I'll be happy after the D. But look at me! I am happy! " Plus also my PMA on my looks was kinda boosted yesterday too... of all places ...at the hospital!! I was doing the paperwork to admit S5, and out of the blue, the admissions clerk looked at me and said "You are very pretty!"... It was a woman, and she proceeded to ask me how old I was blah blah blah "wow, you are the same age as I am and you look sooo good!" I have to say that it did feel good to get such compliments... especially I didn't look my best... I've been in the hospital for like 3 hours already...So my hair was kind dishevelled and was kinda sleepy too (since after the bad episodes on Monday night)... So, was pretty good PMA boosting...
Have to say that my short trip to Phuket was also quite a PMA boost... Had a "pretty" compliment everyday too... Had a chat with a girlfriend yesterday too...she actually called me up to ask about S5, but we ended up talkiing about my R and M... and she was saying "you still look quite good".. I think alot of times, it's not whether how I look....it's more of whether if I would allow someone else to come into my heart... At this moment, definitely not in my mind to think about that... Just have to really take one day at a time... Gonna go to the hospital now..
Yoyo so sorry to hear about S5 that must be difficult and yes you do have a lot on your plate what with the kids, work the house and now S5 in hospital not to mention the stress of your M.
When January comes I would be tempted if you are really ready to move on without H to mention the things you did in your post as in:
Who is there to give him cuddles Who is there to give him comfort Who is there to tuck him in at night Who is there to read him a story Who is there to feed him Who is there to talk to him Who is there to kiss him Who is there to care for him etc etc etc etc
Just so he see's all the things he is missing out on and all the things that his boys will notice as they get older. H can ring and talk to them but that is nothing compared with visiting them. I know he is Overseas but hey he could fly back every 2nd or 3rd weekend surely.
Sorry yoyo I am getting frustrated by your sitch so i can only imagine how bad it must be for you. Hang tuff you are dealing with alot and doing great....KDU
Just wanted to say I'm thinking about you and hope S5 is better soon! You have so much to take care of, I can't imagine how hard it must be for you right now. Keep your chin up lady! You can and will do this and your MIL is right.. it's not the end of the world, it's just takes time to work through everything and get to a new beginning.
Yoyo-Hope S5 is feeling better. I know you are carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders right now, so hopefully the new year will take some of the weight off of you. As Kim asked, when January does come around will you be ready to finally cut ties with H? I know you said you wouldn't be the one filing for the D, what do you think will change in your sitch if H doesn't file for D? I think (if I remember right) that you mentioned that you would need to be separated for 2 years before filing for D. What will the sitch be like between you and H during these 2 years?
Hang in there and take care of yourself and your boys. ((((((hugs))))))
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Kismet, KDU, Piglet2 & KDK - Thanks for checking up on me Sister Goddessess....
Is he asthmatic? S5 does have asthmatic tendencies. But he hasn't got any "attack" for awhile. Think must be something that he ate that triggered it. But he has been discharged from the hospital, which is good. He is behaving like any active 5 year old, and I have to stop him from being too active - just in case. My sis was commenting "he doesn't really look like he is sick, does he?"
When January comes I would be tempted if you are really ready to move on without H Seriously? I don't know. What I know is that I cannot continue on this current dynamics forever. It is really so mentally exhausing - to try to cover-up our M problems and invent stories to feed to the boys, my dad and some other folks who doesn't know our sitch. It's really very draining. Will have to at least change the dynamics somewhat... even if H doesn't do anything or file, I will talk to ow. That will certainly change the dynamics somewhat. H could be so angered by it all that he would declare WW3 on me or something...At least something would be different.... So...waiting till end-Jan 2006. And I agree with one poster - 2005 is indeed annus horibilis for me too....
H can ring and talk to them but that is nothing compared with visiting them. I know he is Overseas but hey he could fly back every 2nd or 3rd weekend surely Yes, I agree but somehow these WAS don't see it. They think calling and talking is sufficient. I don't know and don't want to waste energy telling my H that... He would see it as "NAGGING"... so, might as well just keep all these thoughts to myself...
Sorry yoyo I am getting frustrated by your sitch so i can only imagine how bad it must be for you Thanks so much for emphatizing with me. Think I needed that!
it's not the end of the world, it's just takes time to work through everything and get to a new beginning Yes, definitely not the end of the world. It's more of the memories that I have to deal with. But I know for sure that with time, things will be brighter and better!!! We will SURVIVE!!!!
I think (if I remember right) that you mentioned that you would need to be separated for 2 years before filing for D. What will the sitch be like between you and H during these 2 years? Yup! If H is to file, he has to have grounds and the only one that he could use is for us to be separated for two years. I've thought about this... since H is overseas, it will not be too difficult. For visitation, I will drop the boys to whatever hotel he is staying. He certainly will not be staying in our marital home. So...will think more about the details when the time comes. At the meantime, really living on a day by day basis.... and trying to maintain sanity.
Journalling... From my last post... H IMed in the afternoon. H: You there? Me: Yes. S5 is fine. Doc will check on him a little later and see if he can be discharged. Will let you know. H: Okay. Call u later. BYe. Me: Bye. So...this IM session very very straight-forward.
Later, with the thoughts of me trying to ACT as a real wife till at least end-Jan; I sent H an email. Me: I have five days off. Do you want me to bring boys over to Jakarta from 23rd Dec to 1st Jan? H: I am having a lot of trouble trying to get to KL during X'mas...but i'll find my way back. I told you that I was going to Europe between x'mas and new year. However, seems like i have urgent matter to attend to on the 28th -31st....tendering in Kalimantan!!!! Me: Up to you. Just doing my part to at least ask. H: Told u boss going away...have tender in Kalimantan. Head Hunters region!!! Me: Just to let you know that S5 is out of the hospital. P/s Insurance pays or not? If the headhunters shrink yours???? H: Good. I'll call him. Worse case, I'll fly to Country Y and u drive down with the boys for X'mas. Flight is really bad.
I didn't reply to the last email...as I've already shut-down my PC. I actually wanted to reply with a BIG NO. But then held-off. Am still pondering on this..... I was planning for a turkey dinner on Xmas day and a get-together with friends. Should I put off all those plans and drive down to Country Y to meet with H? I know by-right, I shouldn't cancel anything and cater to H's whims and fancies.... but on the other hand, I am thinking... This will either be the last family Xmas....or it could be the Xmas that save my M.... I don't want to think yet. I am putting this away till I hear further from H..... on his plans...
I called H at about 9 pm for boys to talk to him...No answer...was gonna send a "sarcastic text"...but luckily didn't manage to send it off. H called. Talked to S8 then S5... then heard S5 ask "you want to talk to mommy?" and then turns to me "you want to talk to daddy?" I said no... and S5 told H "She doesn't want to talk to you"..S8 chipped in "she is very very tired"...and I heard S5 told his dad "Yeah. Mommy is very tired". So, didn't have any verbal contact with H last night... So, no yoyo-ing or emotional crying session...which is good..
Just keep on keeping on Yoyo that is all you can do at the moment. As for x-mas that is your decision, no you shouldn't change your plans to suit H it should be important for him to want to see his boys at X-mas but hey what should be and what they do is two different things isn't it.....
Had a chat with a girlfriend yesterday too...she actually called me up to ask about S5, but we ended up talkiing about my R and M... and she was saying "you still look quite good".. 
