Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Patience do I have enough or am I done???

Hi there KDU!

So glad to see you back! We have missed you! I'm sure you have caught up on all the naughty talk on Kismet and Lisa's threads. Those girls! (well, me too!) Anyway, we are happy to have you back.

I agree with VJ. Life will not return to any type of normal for a while. There are alot of hurdles to cross. You are rebuilding so much. Rome wasn't built in a day. It will take a while for things to start to sizzle again!

Hope you have a terrific day...

WCB

Hello KDU!!

Happy New Year! Missed you for the last few weeks! Glad that you are back. I want to tell you that I do value your advice and insight into my mood-swings. You are right in lots of cases.

As for your sitch...I want to urge you to be patient and to not be overly-anxious to get that "something missing". What I mean is that you shouldn't throw in the towel too soon when you don't see the "special something". I am sure with time, it will return. I think it is a very good positive that your H is trying hard to work on your M, although it may not be at a pace that you want. Different ppl would progress at different pace. He also realised that he needs to constantly take his ADs and he does acknowledge that it does make a difference. So, give a little bit more time, ok? Be patient, KDU...

Onbe Day at a TIME!!!

Kim,

What you bring up about the "something missing" is something I wonder about. I am very young in my sitch and I still am having those feelings of "ok what if she comes back, how will I really feel about that?"
I think, like the others have said, you need to give it time, just like the rest of this process, it's not an instant gratification thing.
I have faith you'll get what you are looking for. I am inspired by your sitch and thanks for the update!

TMU

Hi Beth thanks for the support love and yes I have been catching up on you wicked women (but i love it)...

Yoyo thanks for that and I am glad you take my advice the right way after all that's all we can do is give advice, compare circumstances and support each other, ultimately we take what we need on board and what feels right at the time and act on it, so nobody's advice is wrong but sometimes maybe not suited to a particular sitch but hey if it's not thrown out there for discussion it would be rather boring.

TMU - Hi there, thanks for dropping by, I will drop over and check out your sitch real soon. I have only just got back to the boards after a 3 week X-mas break, I am glad my sitch helps you a little, after all that's what we are all sharing this horrible sitch's for...goodluck catch you soon.

Tim, thankyou as well for taking the time to stop by.
I appreciate you sharing that bit of info with me as it will help to give me patience and take yours and V.J's advice, the more you hear something the more you value it's worth. I will drop by and check out your sitch soon as it sounds like you may be further along than I am so that could be really helpful to me.

Update.....
H came over last night and he was feeling rather down no don't worry it was because of work. Anyhow we were discussing a sitch that happened at his work that day with something his boss nearly accused him of and the kids kept interupting which I could see was starting to annoy him so I said, look I will take you out for tea and a drink so we can chat in peace, it might do you some good to lift your spirits. He agreed so I went and bought Charcoal Chicken, Chips and Salad Packs for the kids and then H and I went to the local Football Club for tea.

It was really good because on Tuesday Nights they have a 2nd Meal Deal (this is where you pay for the most expensive meal and receive the second one free). That was fantastic as it only cost me $20 for 2 meals.

Whilst we were waiting for dinner as it was going to be about 30 minutes we decided to go into the "Gaming Room" and play the Pokies (Slots for some of you) for a bit. We both agreed to spend $20 each. Well H started to win straight away and I was down to about $5 but then I started winning too. By the time we stopped we both had $100 each which was an $80 profit each.

We then went in for dinner. We chatted over dinner about his job and H asked me how he should handle things and I told him a few ideas but said let me check it out through the proper channels tomorrow before you go to work so as you are prepared if they call you in. He was rather relieved at that and so we finished our dinner on a higher note. We then left the Club and went and hired a D.V.D, it was called "Mind Hunters" I think and it was quite good.
H then went home after the D.V.D finished and he'd had a coffee.

He called into work today as he had taken our S to have his glasses fixed (fight with sister). I had got him all the info he needed and told him what to do if his boss called him in. He said he really appreciated it and I told him if there were any further drama's to either tell his boss he would get back to him tomorrow or ring me from his boss's office, whichever seemed necessary.

I think this helped him alot as he seemed in a much happier mood. So far boss hasn't called him in so we will see as he is on afternoon shift.

So that is about it....I normally stay out of H's affairs if I can help it and only offer small suggestion's but this time he was asking for it and when I suggested anything it was just a suggestion with him deciding if he wanted me to follow up on things. This way it was sort of him still in control b/c he used to say I never let him do anything and that he relied on me too much, so I tried to be very careful in making sure he didn't think I was trying to take over.

Oh well that is all I have to report today, will fill you in tomorrow after I have spoken to him tonight.....Kim

Hey Kim ~ great night out and you came out ahead. I honestly cannot remember the last time I walked out with more $$ in my pocket than I went in with.

Great interactions with H. I guess you have learnt how to be more sensitive to his moods and what works well with him.

Can I ask "Is it like walking on eggshells?" when he gets moody, or is it starting to just be how it always was?

Oh and fellow Aussie chick, not sure if you have seen the Secret Valentine that Sassy organised, but I said I would do the Aussie one. here's the thread:
Secret Valentine

If you are interested drop me an email at dryan4@optusnet.com.au

Hi Kim. Glad to see that you are back. I really don't have much advice to offer but it looks as though things are going in a positive direction, it may be slow but things look good. I think it was great that H came to you for some advice and you were able to calm him down with a dinner and some winnings!!

Hi guys,

Kismet no until you posted that I had no idea there was a Secret Valentine going on but what a fab idea. I have e-mailed you so I hope you got it.

KDK hi love good to see you again to, you don't have to give advice just nice to know you are around and watching out for me so thanks.

Small Update.....

H rang last night and no problems at work and as I said to him well "Forearmed is Forewarned" (Not sure if he knew what that meant). So his day was O.K. his boss didn't call him in so we will see if it happens today, otherwise maybe his boss realised he was being unreasonable, we will see.

H and I chatted about it a little and I asked if he was feeling better about it all and a little more confident now that he was informed on his rights and he said yes thankyou it helped alot. I said good just remember if things get too difficult or too hard to understand if boss calls him in then just pick up the phone and give me a call and I will try and steer him the right way, I said I didn't want to interfere but if he needed help to ask.

He said I wasn't interferring and that I had made him feel alot better about the sitch and he would definately ring if he needed to b/c he said I handle all this stuff much better than he does b/c he gets stressed out when put on the spot and doesn't think clearly. I just said that is fine, just remember to not agree to anything and if need be tell boss he needed some time to think b/c he needed time to process what had been said.

So all is good so far. That was about it but i think he was truly grateful and appreciative so I guess that is good.

Kismet yes it can be a bit like walking on eggshells when he is testy but it's not quite the same as pre-bomb. Now if he starts to crack it I just ask him what the problem is and if it is something silly, I just say calm down thats not a big problem really give it 5 mins and see how you feel.

It is often that one of the kids will annoy him and rather than scold them he will just turn around and say to me I am going home I don't need this $hit. To which I reply, Hang on I haven't done anything and you can't just run off when there is a problem you need to sort it out. I am not angry so talk to me.....

He normally then calms down, before I probably would have cracked it with him and told him to not be so ridiculous so I guess that is some progress on both parts....

Nothing more to add, he is on afternoon shift again tonight so will only speak to him on the phone so till tomorrow, see ya.....Kim

KDU - GLad to hear that you are putting things in perspective and can see the positives. Good on ya!!!

Kim-

I envy how you can calm H down. I just wish I had that talent. I think if I had done or said some of the things you had my H would look at me is if I had spoken to him in a foreign language.

Just keep it up girl. I think you are doing a fab job.