I have to confess that I haven't read your threads yet. But is there a chance you can get together with you WAH again? Remember, you can ask him, which is what I do almost every time. If you guys shared pleasant moments, then chances are he'll see you again.
I've turned my sitch over to a higher power and now I feel so much more peaceful. I even have all the ingredients out on the counter to make some oatmeal cookies later tonight.
I'm just going to go with the flow tomorrow. We'll probably have a glass of Merlot, some cheese and cracers and cookies, then maybe go Christmas shopping or whatever I can think of to do, then out to dinner. I really will focus on him and not the OW or our R.
You talk like you think this is the end for you and your H. Have you or he gone dark?
There's a success story on the 180 forum. I think her username is Coffeedrinker or something like that. I can't remember the name of her thread. Anyway the last I looked I was the only one who had responded to her, and she responded back with a very long update,and then at the end the story of how they got back together. It's nice to read success stories--gives us hope.
You sound very much at peace...you can tell in reading your last post. You will do just fine tomorrow...I look forward to hearing how the evening goes...Merlot works!!
Regarding us, at this point in time I have moved on. It's a long story and you can when you are bored read it...but in a nutshell, he's gone...the man I THOUGHT I knew is no longer and really I don't know if I ever knew the real him...because today this is who he is. He is depressed, he's an alcoholic, he lost his business, he has nothing...he's lost himself completely. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help himself...no the door is closed on this R.
I realized that tonight was the first night at my dart tourney where I didn't look to see if he was going to show up with ow or not...every night until tonight my stomach would turn until they closed signups...and I could relax...but never even thought about it until just now...funny...
I'm kinda at a strange point...wondering what we had, why I held on as long as I did, etc...I am thankful that he taught me how to trust and love again, but then at the end that too was gone. I am thankful for the memories that we made. NO anger, no sadness, I feel kinda indifferent about it all right now. Wierd writing that...but that's what I feel tonight.
Glad to hear from you. I did read some of your posts. Where do you live?
So you run a sports store that specializes in Dart tournaments? That's cool! Don't know if I put it down, but I'm a martial artist (taekwondo) and am testing for my red belt tomorrow, have a photo shoot in the evening and will be out with my ex tonight. Plus I'm suppose to go on a hike with one of my male friends the next day (Sunday). Hope I can do it all!
Are you dating or thinking about it? I have a few people whom I'm seeing--though nothing serious at this point because there's a years wait from time of separation to file for divorce in NC.
I'm an older woman who believes in fitness and keeping fit mentally. As far as peace goes, it comes and goes.I have to switch to the "peace" mode when I begin feeling depressed.
My WAS doesn't know what he wants either. And I believe that he also drinks a little too much. Right now he wants to "be in love" and may have found a needy woman who is responding to him. So far he's still seeing me. Sometimes I don't know why since I do have breakdowns occasionally and go into all the stuff I shouldn't. He claims he's not jealous of the men I'm seeing, but he may be lying--perhaps this is why he's seeing me--what are your thoughts on this idea?
I don't know how you could stand it when your H would show up with the OW at the Dart tourney. How did you do it? Did you fake indifference? It seems the WAH's are so unfeeling to actually bring an OW to where we would be or to talk about them to us. Though I talk about the men to mine, I'm secretly hoping this will sink in and he'll feel jealous when I'm not around. There's some counselors(e-books etc) that say this is the best way to get them back-to create competition. Your thoughts? At this point do you have and long term goals or plans? l
Actually I just opened a fragrance store in my home town. Have been on the internet about 9 yrs but Dave and I had decided it was time to move my business out of the home so we could get our home back...he was going to move his business in the back office here...but then it all hit the fan and our friends opened up the dart store behind my business when he didn't come through. I had already helped him with the money to get started...okay enough of that...
How did I do it when they were around? It was like an out of body experience. I became this 3rd person. When we went out of town it was funny because she was all over him and he kept jumping up and was actually sitting between us both most of the time. It was too funny...and I knew that he was doing it to make me hurt that's what made it easier for me...so I was able to show that I wasn't hurting and then it made him angry...and then honestly I decided to start hanging out somewhere else...where now they have followed me to also...LOL!! This town ain't big enough for the both of us.
I did go online for a bit trying to date but both experiences were not very good and I took my profile down. Haven't started dating persay yet...but there is someone I have met that has kinda got me a bit interested...and only time will tell. In the meantime, I have my daughter to raise for 2 more years and a business to run and to build it up even more. So lots on my plate...and of course the running joke, if prince charming shows up on the grey horse...then great.
Don't rush into the dating honey...take as much time as you can getting to know yourself and GAL...you never know what will happen during the next year...you may find you two back together or that like me you have decided to move on from the R all together. We were not married legally so we didn't have the ties that you and your H had together. I think if we had been none of this would have happened, but then again with the depression and drinking who knows...my Therapist said it was just a matter of time before something happened...but as she said one day I would outgrow him...and I guess she was right.
Men are extremely jealous by nature. I remember when we were all down at the tourney...one of my friends happens to be the 6th top player in the country and had the hots for me. Not my type at all but he couldn't keep his hands or lips off of me the whole weekend. I finally said something to one of my MF that was there and I didn't realize Dave was behind me and he said YEAH I SAW HIM...he's got his hands all over YOUR ass...I just said yup...he knows we're not together anymore..so he's making his move big time I guess...that was that...but he noticed...
And I am sure your H is noticing too...it's cake eating honey at it's finest...he wants to do what he wants to do and gives you crumbs to hang on and sees you so that you will hang on until he decides what HE wants...you just get to enjoy the crumbs that he throws you...and you make the best of it when you have his attention honey...show him what he is missing by not being with you...make yourself as beautiful as possible and not so easily accessible.
