Actually that conversation was a bit interesting...I did say a few things. Like, "now you know what I mean when I've said to you before, you don't want to see me really angry" His response was "yeah, but I also know that it takes an awful lot for you to blow like that." I also said something to the effect of "I said a lot of things yesterday and I know I was blunt about it." His response was "yes, you were very blunt....but I deserved every word you said."
Another thing that really makes me feel like what I said hit home to him is this.....in the wee hours of the morning I heard him crying, something I've never heard him do (unless watching a sappy movie or tv show).
Makes me wonder what exactly he was crying about. Was he crying with remorse for his actions or was it about something else? KWIM? My daughter often cries because we are angry with her but not because she is sorry for the action she took. I hope Mr. Gel makes the right connections.
"Actually that conversation was a bit interesting...I did say a few things. Like, "now you know what I mean when I've said to you before, you don't want to see me really angry" His response was "yeah, but I also know that it takes an awful lot for you to blow like that." I also said something to the effect of "I said a lot of things yesterday and I know I was blunt about it." His response was "yes, you were very blunt....but I deserved every word you said.""
It does sound like he is taking all this to heart, and not just acting placating, but the proof will be in the pudding as they say.
"Another thing that really makes me feel like what I said hit home to him is this.....in the wee hours of the morning I heard him crying, something I've never heard him do (unless watching a sappy movie or tv show)."
D@mn, now I'm starting to empathize with him a lot. I know exactly how he is feeling. He has done something he would give his right arm if he could take back, but he can't. He feels like he has really messed things up and may not know exactly how to get out of it and back to a sense of normalcy. The fact that things seemed to be going well recently just enhances the anguish. I've had many a "wee hour of the morning" session with myself, my anguish, and my guilt. One thing you may want to file away in the back of your mind is try to make sure he doesn't go overboard with guilt, like I tend to do. He's not the same person as me for sure, but all of us have it in us to beat ourselves up WAAAAY too much and feel excessive guilt. That guilt is worse than useless because it leaves us feeling trapped with no way out, and thus prevents us from taking the steps we need to take to solve the problem. KWIM?
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Actually I'm not going to put alot of thought into why he was crying. That energy needs to be placed elsewhere....it was merely something I noticed. I know the man loves me, and I also know now....he knows the real depth of how hurt I am.
Not meaning to throw a log on the fire. It is just something that I have noticed with my H sometimes - whatever sorrow and remorse he feels about how his actions or inactions have affected me doesn't necessarily translate into different choices or behavior on his part. So lately I have been musing as to whether it is sorrow and remorse or something akin to what my daughter feels - upset because I am angry. Again, I'm just hoping that Mr. Gel is ready to make the right connections. I'm glad that he is showing signs that he does understand your hurt.
When a man is crying, it can be because of anger or guilt depending on the case.
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28
It is his choice whether or not he actually takes action and starts "doing" things to change rather than thinking about them....I cannot make him do that obviously. BUT, I have made myself clear with my boundary, this is it! I'll know more today after our session
I completely agree....I cry out of anger, I'm very familiar with this. Many things can cause a person to cry...anger, guilt, stress, sadness. If he was doing it in his sleep....it might have been none of the above and merely his bodys' way of releasing stress....that happens too.
At some point today I will ask him if he was crying last night. If he truly was I'll ask him why and see what the answer is, if he says no....then I'm going to chalk it up to he was sleeping.
But like I said....not going to analyze the why's on this one.
You could just leave the crying question alone and take that situation in stribe and let him bring it up to you. You might get mixed messages
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28
GEL I would definitely ask him about the crying. If we are all trying to have EC with our S, doesn't it make sense that we should address their feelings instead of avoid them. They are an issue. I'm not picking on you, just saying in general that many times we overlook issues with our S in order to avoid a fight, not rock the boat, whatever. I think that adds to the stress and disconnect that make having a fulfilling intimate SL possible.
