Been hanging out over on the SSM forum lately. Got some really great advice on setting boundaries. I feel it's the final piece of the puzzle I have to work on in my sitch.
Everything thing I was told to do on the SSM forum was stuff I thought about doing but it's scary stuff and I didn't want to do something wrong. But I knew I needed to do something different b/c what I was doing wasn't working. I just needed a light shove.
Basically I stood up for myself and the M. Told W that having OM around the kids was sending mixed/bad messages to the kids and confusing them. Also told her she could not stay over night at the house if it was only saving her some drive time. It also was confusing the kids.
W got her dander up over this and has said it looks like she needs to file. Never actually said D. I stayed calm and told her it was her choice but not what I wanted her to do. She wanted us to tell the kids soon.
So far no other mention of D. All of the above happend over the weekend. Last week I had spent any together time with W being confident, in charge, humorous, even flirty at times. We attended a funeral on Friday (W's GF had a baby die of SIDS, too sad for words). I know I floored all of W's other GFs at the funeral. I was chatty, consoling, hugged people, and in charge. Not the usual lame lump of goo wallflower. Was also sporting a new shirt & hip tie, new haircut, and freshly pressed suit. Now don't worry, I wasnt like Will Ferrell and looking for a lay and shouting "Damn you, Roger! Why'd you have to go like this!"
Last night (Sunday) I met W at our usual halfway point to exchange kids. They had spent the weekend at her place. I provided Runzas (a local fast food sandwich) for everyone. I noticed W was wearing her black ring and 10th anniv ring. I wrote about her wearing these rings in a previous thread. August is the last time she has worn them. I think it's some kind of signal that she is still "trying" to work on the M. Maybe a reminder to herself (like a rubberband around your wrist for thought stopping). In the past she would wear them to parent-teacher conf and soccer games when she sat with the other parents.
Anybody think I should acknowlege to W that I've noticed her wearing them this time? I've always ignored it in the past. If it continues I may say something later.
For now I'm behaving like I don't need W. I still reinforce positive things she does, such as things with the kids, when she helps me out, things she does that help her business, etc. When she threatens D, I feel a twinge of panic inside but its quickly replaced by a feeling a relief that it could all be over. GAL has helped too. An attractive woman gave me her business card this weekend while attending defensive driving class (yep, I got a speeding ticket awhile back). Might have to give her a call for drinks sometime. Heh heh.
I know some people on here like to follow their horoscope and dabble with other psychic type medium. D10 has this game called Q20. Its a handheld electronic 20 questions game. The game asks you 20 yes/no questions and then it usually (amazingly) knows the thing you are thinking about. If it guesses wrong after 20 it askes 5 more and guesses again. It's pretty cool how good it is at guessing correctly. I was playing with it the other day. Feeling a bit down I tested to see if it could guess "divorce". After 20 questions it guessed "computer", then after 5 more questions it guessed "soul mate".
