Happy Tuesday! Hard to believe there are only 5 more days in 2005
Matilda - I shall mosey over to your place, if you have one open for visits. Glad these reviews are helping, I know I'm amazed at what I have forgotten
Andrea - Unfortunately the ups and downs are part of this journey. Sometimes after weeks of highs, an apparently trivial comment can trigger awful memories and the downward spiral can be quite brutal. The tools we build during dbing I think help us anticipate, and therefore manage, these spirals a little better.
amd and Martha - Ha, I knew I was not alone with parental challenges. My mother still treats me like I am 7 years old, which is the age I left home for boarding school. Sigh.
Back to what I think I learnt this year. Here is one from Pen about the art of asking for what I want.
I think there’s a difference between „asking for what you want“ because you deserve it, and “nagging” for something because you’re insecure. Which can be the same thing, by the way. Totally confused yet? As in ….. you can ask NG to talk to you/help with cooking because you deserve not to slave in the kitchen while honey is on the couch (metaphorically) ….. or you can ask him to join you because you feel insecure about your relationship if he doesn’t. One is from a position of strength, the other from a position of weakness. Our spouses pick up on the difference, trust me. Realizing (down to your bones) that you’re a fabulous person and that NG is one lucky fella to have you is the key. So keep doing the stuff that is making YOU feel good about YOU!!
And boy does this work. Every time I present my request on the basis of 'honey, this needs to be done, how can WE get to the end of the task' things go the way I want them to go. And an important point is to focus on one thing at a time. NG really feels overwhelmed when I pile a list on to him.
Take grocery shopping for example. If I mention we need to go to the supermarket, it is a less than positive vibe. If we happen to be out, and I suggest we swing by to pick up a couple of things, well, he is much more comfortable, and mind you, we get exactly the same shopping load done. Timing seems to be critical, as well as managing my requests in bite sized chunks.
Now I'm off to have a fabulous lunch with a dear friend I have been hanging out with since we were both 18.
Step 2 of the final chapter in Michele's KLA workbook
What strategies have I tried recently that have led to good things happening between my partner and me? Now rate each strategy on a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being most effective
My lunch date got held up at work, and I'm choosing to enjoy the 'gift' of time here on the board. She will be here for tea instead. I can visit more with all you wonderful people Slowly
I think I have changed from when I started DBing. I am stronger. I don't take things for granted. I have a better sense of my priorities. I feel like I'm more authentically myself. That's not a bad place to be--but I want H to be there with me.
That's a great place to be ~ and H is bound to realise that soon!
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. --- Carl Sandburg
Just received confirmation that I have been accepted for the post grad course I had applied for - woo hoo Feels like my decision to move on from full time work in January is working well with other things that had been in the pipeline. It also means I now need to really buckle down and agree with myself what my priorities for the next two years will be. For the first time in our 23 year relationship, I will not be contributing as much to our cash flow as NG is, it will no doubt feel strange.
Sage - Thanks for stopping by, hope you are coping with the forced bed rest ! And yes, the more I think of it, the greater the significance of this study 'leave' is becoming.
Already, NG has invited me to a week long trip he is making next Feb, as he knows I can study from 'anywhere' that has an online connection. So I expect my laptop and I will be keeping him company; I honestly did not realize how much he wanted me to travel with him.
(And now reminding myself that I'm a mother too, and a grandmother!) 
Slowly 
Feels like my decision to move on from full time work in January is working well with other things that had been in the pipeline. It also means I now need to really buckle down and agree with myself what my priorities for the next two years will be. For the first time in our 23 year relationship, I will not be contributing as much to our cash flow as NG is, it will no doubt feel strange.