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I hope you are off having a great time WCW.

Heya WCW

In my sitch I found even when greeted with the "grumpy/snippys" it is always better to just be happy and not take ANYTHING personally.

Hope you are having a Good time... Be safe.

ROK

Hey Sara, the banquet was pretty good, really glad I/we went. Before and after kinda sucked........ Taking advice from ROK, grumpy/snippy is not always personal against me, let it roll off, but sometimes you just have to say enough is enough.

H continued his attitude, and he got to me just a little. He received an expense check for one of our last trips, and it was less than we expected, and I questioned it. He said, "I turned in all the fuel receipts you gave me just like you said I should do." Telling me this in his irritated voice. I said "I didn't tell you to do anything, I just said here are the fuel receipts. Sorry I asked!" in my own sarcastic voice. Gee, he must have remembered that conversation, and just said he turned in the receipts instead of mileage, so the reimbursement was much less. His screw up. And he said "why are you sorry you asked?" I said "Why didn't you turn in the mileage instead? I'm sorry I asked because you have such in irritating tone in your voice and I don't need to hear it." H has a great comeback by just stutter and stammer, and then says we can verify the amount because we right down all the details in a log everytime we fuel.

A little later, off we go to have a great time at the banquet and receive awards for our horse. 45 minute drive, snowy roads, traffic, I talk about some friends and ask H questions 'cause he's in more contact with them. Conversation turns to people who came Wednesday night that H set up, and I said it would be nice if you'd let me know ahead of time when you set stuff up like that. H said, "Yeah." but I could tell by his tone he wasn't done with that......."I'll just tell anyone that calls me and wants to come use the arena sometime to call you instead and schedule it. I didn't know when they were coming." Sarcastic and snotty again. So, I let seconds tick off (because I am) and take a deep breath and reply, "Well, the guy told me he had it all scheduled with you and what time. If that's not how it was then you have different stories, and that doesn't make him right or you wrong. But you could even just say 'hey, so and so is planning to come sometime' and then it wouldn't be such a big surprise." He didn't say anymore. We rode in silence for a while, then I started whistling some Christmas tunes. I hardly ever whistle, but whistling and humming is going to be my new silence buster.

The rest of the evening went okay, nice dinner, good people to chat with, and awards. At one point after H had received numerous awards, a young lady who had been injured earlier this season received an award. She is just getting back on her feet but not riding for quite a while yet. The emcee told her that for inspiration she should talk to the man across the room who was a true comeback story from his injury last year. That was my H, and I looked at him with tears in my eyes, and I think he was teary too, and I rubbed his leg for a few seconds. A little later H had left the room (bathroom?) and they called his name again. The guy handed the next two awards to me, and said I might as well get them because behind every good man is a good woman. Cool! And later a lady came over and said she hadn't heard about H and gave me a lot of credit for bringing him back to this level. Many people would have gave up.

At other times thru the evening H and I would be talking in the same group, as he was talking I noticed the times he would use I instead of we or me instead we. More signs of the future? As we were leaving a lady pointed me out to a group of folks, and said 'she is a walking rule book, if you have any questions, ask her. She not only knows the rules but can explain them too, and I sure appreciate your help.' Wow, H turned and looked at me after that compliment, but didn't say anything. We sure act like the happy couple in front of a crowd. Once we walked out the door it was a long snowy drive home and not a single word was said between us. Once home H settled in on the couch, eating Rolaids like candy, no internet working again, and I said "thanks for the evening, congratulations on a superb job of showing the horse this year." and went to bed.

H was still sleeping on the floor when I got up this morning, but as soon as he heard me up he got up and folded up his blankets. He even grumbled good morning. Seems to be in a little better mood today, made a few comments about the news.

I am feeling sorry for H today. I can understand how he is struggling with staying or leaving, and trying to rationalize his decision to go. He can't come up with any real reasons that are so monumental to leave me, nothing that any relationship doesn't go thru from time to time, nothing that he can tell people I am so bad he just can't stay with me. But I also feel that he is getting a lot of pressure from OW, and the reason I think that is because he is acting very similar to the period of time when he and OW were in the first 8 months of their affair but I hadn't figured it out yet. He is irritable, snippy, everything I do is wrong, he wants to pick a fight about anything. Same deal as two years ago. And he's eating Rolaids like candy. It is eating him up inside.

Along with those thoughts comes the feeling that he'll be here thru the holidays, and then my instincts tells me January will see some changes for me. Can't put anything real on it, just my gut feelings and instincts. So, my dear DB buddies, when you stop by to check on things here and read what's up or down, take a minute to send me a howdy or a smiley face. I'm going to need it.

Hi WcW,

Thanks for popping over to see me on my thread. It sure helps to know there are others out there going thru this sh!t

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In my sitch I found even when greeted with the "grumpy/snippys" it is always better to just be happy and not take ANYTHING personally.

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That is how I deal with it too, very difficult though to just let it all wash over you. The worst thing I find is that my H will do the same to the kids. I just want to should that is NOT FAIR at him when he does that. It is work stuff or whatever and he takes it out on us.

Sounds like you handled the night out at the awards ceremony just right and sailed through it so you had a good time. I guess you are right, OW is probably getting to him and he doesn't know what to do. He wants to be in a bad mood with you so you can have a big shouting match - but you are not playing ball

Long haul is right WcW - keep us posted.

take care

Fran

Howdy hap! Nope, not playing that game of letting him pick fights, but at the same time enough is enough and sometimes he needs to be reminded of his silly behavior.

H spent some time outside earlier today, relocated his gravel pile so it isn't in the middle of the yard anymore. Now it's in the middle of the front of the barn. But he came back in and had a better attitude, and I had a late breakfast ready to go. He started talking, and we actually had a nice conversation about the exact people I had asked him about last night and he got so snippy with his answers.

I am working on more house stuff, organizing and working thru the piles of accumulation of stuff from last year when I had no time to be in the house. It pays! Really! I found some money from last years Christmas bonus and a one time job I did. woohoo! And I also found two books, both of the Mars and Venus books. Phew, more reading material.

The other night while I was shopping they had dvd's on sale. On a happy whim, I picked out two. John Wayne movies and Gallagher. Anyone remember the Sledge-O-Matic? I wanna watch that maybe later, could use some good laughs.

Weird, just weird. Our day today was so normal, it's just weird. I would go so far as to call it 'traditional' male/female if there is such a thing.

This morning, H worked outside and did manly things while I stayed inside and cooked and cleaned.
Sunday football, we both watched the game and had popcorn.
Game over, H went back out while I started more food, then I went outside and we did outside stuff (bbrrrr).
Came back in, H went to the couch, I got supper ready and on the table. We ate, he said THANKS. I thought for a minute he was going to help clean up, but he went back to the couch, I cleaned up and did dishes.
In the middle of all that a friend called and we both talked with her on the phone.
Quite a normal day, which is pretty unnormal for us.

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Quite a normal day, which is pretty unnormal for us.

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That's not weird. That's good. I know what you mean about having to deal with a day where everything is like all is well. Try to enjoy it a little if you can, huh? It doesn't always have to be too dramatic.

Hang in there WCW. Sorry for ignoring you so much.

Hi bigAl, nice to see you drop by. I understand, I know you've been pretty dang busy writing novels and thwarting off females. You are the most popular guy! And here you are on my thread......sigh. Am I lucky or what? sort of like the most popular guy in high school that stops and picks up the geeky girls pencil for her.

I was thinking today about how we're all trying to get you to go to the DB renunion next weekend. It reminds me of 4th of July when we were all talking you into to going to the family lake plans. Doesn't that seem so long ago? Then ZenMan posted his update. Your lives have changed so much, his and yours, and so many others. And here I am plodding along wondering if I'll ever have something real in my life again with my husband. I know how much you hurt and the pain you are dealing with in your changes, but the pain of continuing to try and build a new marriage with my husband can get pretty unbearable too. I'm looking at you and ZenMan, thinking - at least you have your life and can make a plan, you are living the real thing again. I'm still not sure what direction my life will take, especially after the holidays are over. But every day is a new opportunity to try and make the best of that day and be the best me. I'll take it.

I think ski season has started. I should've got my stuff ready to go, but I was busy cooking and cleaning. Who would ever believe that?!

Hey WCW, glad you had somewhat of a normal weekend. Your H is acting pretty weird at times but, as I was told a year ago "he is voting with his feet". While everything may bot be rosey, he is still there and I do see positives to him being there, home with you doing his normal stuff rather than off "somewhere else". Hope that makes some sense.

Where and when is this DB reunion you all are taking about, if ya don't mind my asking?

I think it's an east coast reunion, not sure of all the details.

Thanks, Sara, yes - normal felt so good, it feels like I can't trust it. The only thing missing was hugs and kisses. And last night H took a shower, and what wasn't normal was that I didn't join him and we didn't keep each other awake with ML half the night. I also had a glimpse of his profile from across the room earlier in the evening, and I thought how handsome he is. So, while he was in the shower I sent him a txt mssge about "remembering how our Sunday nights used to be, and I wanted to tell you earlier how handsome you are, and now I did." Risky, but it felt right to do it.

This morning my heart skipped a beat. I was in the shower and H walked in, I thought maybe he was joining me, but not. But we did have some good old conversation about cold weather, etc. Then he took a shower and was out before I left today, so we had more chit chat before I left for work, he even asked me about the little car today and if it warmed up! Woohoo! he asked ME a question!

And yup, he does start skiing tonight. I'm not ready to start skiing in sub zero temps, and I didn't get my stuff ready, and and and , am I making excuses? This will be his first attempt since he got hurt over a year ago. Maybe I should ride along just to see how it goes. I have all day to decide if I'm brave enough to tell him I am going too.